Latino-American Enough?

Last night Jose and I attended the pre-screening for CNN's Soledad O'Brien's "Latinos in America" here in New York City. Jose was invited by the Association of Latino Professionals in Finance and Accounting (ALPFA). The group hosted the event in one of the World Financial Buildings and Merrill Lynch offices. I was really excited to attend and noticed the screening room full of black, brown, and white Latinos. A rainbow of Latino people and I thought to myself, "this is what New York is all about". An array of different people, every single day in the streets of New York. It was also good to see how many professional Latinos are in the business of Finance.
The screening showed little tidbits of the documentary that will be aired this Wednesday and Thursday at 9pm (Eastern time) on CNN. We saw enough to ponder over, had our hearts tugged and even shed a few tears about the many stories and many experiences Latinos have endured in America. But not all stories are sad. There are stories of Latinos who have assimilated, Latinos who are 3 or 4 generation American and their views on Latino issues and even a story about a community that is 92% Mexican-American. Watching this group was like watching a community in the most suburban of all suburbs-All American.
At the end of the screening, we had an open discussion on a broad topic, "Did the documentary resonate with us sitting in the audience? What are the obstacles that have stood in our way as ________-American or immigrants? How do we assimilate? Should we have to? And so on.
People's answers varied from a Cuban-American who works for Mayor Bloomberg that discussed education being a priority for his "strong" family to a South American girl who arrived 8 years ago, now works for a reputable Wall Street firm but was told by her boss to keep her mouth shut during a meeting because of her accent. Have we come a long way? Whose job is it to point out to ignorant people like the boss that an accent is just an accent?
I could feel that Jose was feeling a bit frustrated. I was too! Frustrated because we were not all going to be able to speak about our personal experiences and if heard, what now? Frustrated because we couldn't solve all the problems being discussed. Frustrated because there still seems to be a divide even within the Latino community on what should be done. There was a point brought up by another South American stating that we are not united as Latinos. We don't have a community. We segregate ourselves into Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican communities and if we didn't see ourselves as one, no one else will. But others questioned if there was a need for us to be a community of Latinos? Couldn't we just be American?
Ah, my favorite question. To this day, 3 of my best friends and I remember a huge, passionate discussion we had in Las Vegas over dinner right before going out for my bachlorette party. We were sitting in a gorgeous restaurant, I was wearing a sparkling tiara and my friends were wearing pink boas, we were the center of attention at the restaurant but not because of the sash across my chest that screamed "PARTY!" but because we were having this debate over what it meant to be an American. Four best friends, 3 born and raised in Chicago, 1 born in Mexico but immigrated at the age of 8, butting heads because not all considered themselves American. Screaming, crying and full on outrage transcending from a stunning group of girls that should have been throwing back tequila shots and dancing on table tops. The topic is delicate. But should be discussed.
Jose and I didn't share with the group but discussed on the way home what we would have said. We are in agreement that education is the number one factor in helping Latino students, all students, succeed. A strong, supportive family that doesn't think teachers are idiots or complain that Juanito has 3 hours of homework tonight, is a close second, if not a tie with factor number one to allow a student to succeed. Exposure, not being afraid to leave your community and learn about the ways of others, be it White-Americans, Black culture, Asian, you name it, is also important. Allowing our kids to taste, feel, see and experience all cultures in America, a country found by immigrants. We have to pump out our children to the rest of the world. To show what it is to be a Mexican-American, it's not much different than being plainly American. These bridges are fundamentals that all children should have and adults support. Nothing is lost by allowing yourself to experience the unknown-that algebra problem your eighth-grader brings home, reading the novel your Freshman is reading in English class, or visiting your child in Spain while abroad during college. It starts small and then you don't even think about it, living in many worlds and keeping your feet planted firmly on your own Latino roots.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Set your DVR's and watch CNN Wednesday and Thursday!!!

Proust Questionnaire

I love my Vanity Fair Magazine. I buy it every month and the first thing I do is flip to the back page, see what celebrity has been asked to fill out the Proust Questionnaire and I dig right in. Sometimes I'm annoyed at the vague answers, the one word answers or at the questions that were not included this month. Other times, I'm pleasantly surprised at the honesty of some answers or how elaborate the celebrity decides to be. As I read the one page article, my mind often wanders at the thought of how much time it must have taken this particular person to answer (no interview is done, the questions are often emailed to the celebrity now). Is it always really honest? Can we be honest with ourselves when we know thousands of people will be reading this? This is the problem with writing, especially if you are into sharing! How raw can it be without exposing your innermost secrets or without hurting someone you love?
Marcel Proust was a novelist that loved to play a Parisian parlor game with his elite crowd. One of his friends, Antoinette Faure, and daughter of the the 19th century French president, Felix Faure, decided to keep a journal where the friends answered questions that were meant to be personal and take the "psychic measure". Proust published his answers to the questionnaire taken at age 14 and 20 and the questionnaire became popular with the masses known as the "Proust Questionnaire". Vanity Fair has taken on the game since 1993 and just recently published a book with the answers of 101 celebrities, including, Larry King, Martin Scorsese, Quincy Jones, Johnny Cash, Yoko Ono, and Ellen DeGeneres, to name a few.
I remember a bit ago that I filled out, "25 Random Things About Me" on Facebook. A lot of my friends played the game and I became a little bit obsessed with the obsession of public questionnaires. What makes us want to share the idea of perfect happiness? What makes us want to know someone's current state of mind? The parlor game must have meant to be a real conversation starter when there was no "American Idol" to discuss the following day at work. What makes public questionnaires so appealing and successful?
I won't find the answer to this question but I am good at filling out questionnaires. And I always wanted to fill out this particular one...the Proust Questionnaire. Feel free to take a few of these questions, answer them on my comment space. I'd love to read your answers too!
1)What is your idea of perfect happiness? Silence and a good book. Children laughing. Red wine and chocolate and conversation with friends.
2) What is your greatest fear? To lose someone I love. Dying without finishing what I have to do!
3) Which living person do you most admire? My father and my husband. For proving that hard work and determination gets you to places.
4) What is the trait you most deplore in others? Rudeness. Ignorance.
5) What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Impatience and talking out of turn.
6) What is your greatest extravagance? Books and a once a week cleaner!
7) What is your favorite journey? Tokyo
8) What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Punctuality, but only when I'm the one that's late.
9)On what occasion do you lie? White lies, or to ease an uncomfortable moment.
10) What do you dislike most about your appearance? My left eye.
11) Which living person do you most despise? Drug traffickers. All of them. Those who do not respect human life.
12) Who is the greatest love of your life? My son and my husband.
13) When and where were you the happiest? July 17, 2004 in Chicago and February 13, 2007 in Tokyo
14) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Illness and being homeless and poor.
15) Where would you like to live? Wherever Jose wants to live.
16) What is your favorite occupation? Mother, teacher, wife.
17) What is the quality you most like in a man? Courage and ambition.
18) What is the quality you most like in a woman? Confidence and compassion.
19) Who are you favorite writers? All those that I read.
20) How would you like to die? In bed 60+ year from now.
Favorite Motto: "Sometimes we have to change who we are to become who we will be."
xoxo,
Betty

18 Again

I carefully selected my outfit on Saturday morning. I wanted to look good, but not like I was trying too hard. The day was cool, windy and cloudy. Not a great day to meet outside but it was the first date and we chose a public spot. Despite my nervousness, I didn’t want to bail because I was really looking forward to this day. I kept glancing at my phone. I was waiting for a text message. Thinking, “Is it too early to confirm?” I avoided Jose’s looks. I didn’t want him to notice my anxiety. I gave him a brush of a kiss goodbye and left the house quickly, avoiding further conversation. On the way there I thought, “Would we hit it off? I hope we have things in common. The day we met, we seemed to really get along. I hope she really likes me!”
Yes, friends, “I hope she really likes me”. I feel like I’m dating again! Diego and I were on our way to the first play date at the park and I was so nervous I forgot his snack and his hat! But please don’t feel sorry for me! I don’t want to seem desperate. It just takes a lot of work these days to make friends.
Most of you already know that we have moved around a bit and have come back to the States, but not our home town. Making new friends is never easy! It is even harder to make friends if you are an adult! Back in Tokyo, I was fortunate enough to be working while I was pregnant. Work=instant friends (not with all but some). For example, Jose made a good friend at work whose wife was pregnant and there you go…instant friends. We then attended a childbirth class and met the cutest couple. We shared so many things in common …instant friends. It’s not so easy anymore.
Women who are married to expats in foreign countries usually don’t work. They have put their careers on hold because it isn’t so easy to attain a working visa in a foreign country. So when you arrive, there are loads of women sitting at the park or taking the kids to Gymboree, just waiting to bombard you with questions about your child, your husband, and your country. You find things in common, if you like each other…instant friends. If not, don’t worry, there are plenty more at another park or another class!
Not so much here. I joked around to Jose and some of his single guy friends (we do have single and childless friends in New York) that I was going to write a book titled, “I Have 289 Friends on Facebook-Yet I’m So Lonely” they laughed. I almost cried.
So, it’s been about 3 months that we moved here and I know that it takes time. A lot of women work here, including my childhood friend, Ofelia, let’s just say I know a lot of the nannies in my neighborhood!
But Saturday went well! This girl I met is really sweet, Latina, a teacher and also from out of town. Her son is a few months younger than Diego and they played really well together… AND, she doesn’t work either! I’m hoping for…instant friendship but as Socrates once said, “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant”. It’s not easy making friends, they come with responsibility, commitment and a lot of effort. But one needs friends to survive, especially in a new place. Sometimes it’s effortless and you can spot another lonely soul at the grocery store struggling with her 2 year old, sometimes it’s not obvious but I just smile, hold my chin up and keep on enjoying what I do have…I call the friends I already have (with kids or without).
Xoxo,
Betty

I'm back!!

It has been a whirlwind to say the least. It will almost be four months since my last post and in that time we have moved from Singapore to New York City, have travelled to Chicago three times, spent two nights in Phoenix, attended 4 weddings, had a family emergency, potty trained Diego again and moved him to a toddler bed!!! Diego also started preschool, soccer and a Spanish class. I AM EXHAUSTED. More. Than. Ever. I realized the other day that we lived in three countries in one year, that Diego has thousands and thousands of miles with various airlines, when did I breathe? Yet, I am not complaining, just venting. I am just tired. I missed writing, I just picked up my camera again, I'm catching up on emails. I'm making lists again. Enjoying quiet reading time, American book stores, comfort food, AND AMERICAN TV!!! My God! The things I missed!!! Hahaha!!! (Love the new show "Modern Family"!!!)
I will be posting something on dating again (!) and book recommendations, along with a recent dream of mine to fill out a Proust Questionnaire. Please visit soon!!
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Like my new blog title?