Nothing to Say

Do you think that the majority of the time when people come and ask you for advice, they already know what they want to hear? And you know what they want to hear so you offer that advice despite your personal beliefs? How many times has a girlfriend come to you crying, cursing the boyfriend and you just want to say, "Leave him already!" but you don't because that would hurt your good friend's feelings and you want to remain on her list for future advice?
It's not easy to always say what you want to say. I have been on the other end and just need someone to tell me to make the hard decision, give me options or just listen.
I have a hard time with bad news or news that requires a little bit of waiting. For example, your friend just took the exam that will change her career plans, and she is waiting anxiously for the results but you know she was partying the night before the test. Do you say, "Hey, I know you are going to pass!" or "Well, if you don't pass, we'll know why. You shouldn't have had that last tequila shot at Suzy's birthday party! Better luck next time!"
I have been blamed in the past for not saying the right thing. It's tough because I am always a person people turn to for advice. Friends will come to me for relationship, career and family advice. But when someone is sick or has received bad health news, I freeze. When you know someone is at the hospital, you say, "I'll keep you in my prayers" but that sometimes doesn't sound genuine to me. I know a lot of people who say those specific words and don't pray!! Parenting issues is also a tricky one. Offering parenting advice to other parents isn't easy. I can write a suggestion but I can never talk out a suggestion as sensitive to health or parenting without going over it in my head hours later. Did I say the right thing? Will she hate me? There is something about typing out an email and hitting that delete button over and over again and reviewing your words on the screen, but once you say words out loud-there is no way of taking them back.
Here is one thing I learned the hard way: Sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Just listen. When friends complain, cry, or are exasperated with a concern, sometimes they just want you to listen. It isn't easy either but you will learn a lot about yourself as well. My advice isn't professional, spiritual or anything else, so who is to say it is good advice?
"I don't know what to say and I'm sorry. I am sending you positive thoughts and will call you tomorrow to see how you are doing". Those are my new words for tough situations. I am learning I don't always say the right thing and I don't always have to have the right answer.
xoxo,
Betty