My previous post and its comments brought up another issue: Why does anyone care about Katy Perry and Sesame Street's debate, when there is so much more to worry about regarding our nation right now? Our country's immigration issue, health care issue, economic issue, and education issue (getting some great attention right now) all should be a priority. Yet, we are focused on Lindsay Lohan's latest admittance to a drug rehab facility and other pointless news.
Detachment? Do people want to detach from what is really "real" in our society? News about bankruptcy, upcoming elections, the high percentage of American's without work are all scary and stressful topics. Have you ever noticed on your Facebook feed that when a person shares an article regarding the latest massacre by Mexican cartels, it receives very little feedback? Yet, when one posts personal pictures, a cheer for a local team or "which Jersey Shore character are you?" it receives tons of comments or endless re-posts? Are we using the media to just disconnect from reality? And using fake reality to amuse us and start a conversation? Why are we more comfortable doing this?
Those who know me, I have an opinion about everything. But I also love to hear what people have to say about crazy topics such as the Japanese denying Paris Hilton entrance to their country. I want to know about the latest books, the latest movies. I want someone to really sit and explain to me the new health care rules that started last week, who this Cuomo guy really is before he becomes our new governor here in New York, and yes, I want to know if Sesame Street is creating controversy because I have a young son.
I don't believe "ridiculous" topics take away from what else is in dire need of attention. Everything gets attention. You want to know about education reform right now? Go see "Waiting for Superman". Those who can't, tune in to NBC and MSNBC this week because they have dedicated all week to "Education Nation". Let's read a little bit more national news on-line rather than the gossips blogs or pick up a new book. We have time. We need to make time. We can't change the economy over night, but we can educate ourselves about the recent credit card "read the fine line" push and raise hell when we don't like what is being done. Things are happening, we have to show that we are interested as much as we are interested in Katy Perry's boobs. We need to reconnect and now and then enjoy a little detachment.
xoxo
Sesame Street's Boob Boob
Should we be offended by Katy Perry's boobs bouncing up and down in a low cut, stunning, yellow dress?
If you YouTube "Sesame Street and Katy Perry" you will immediately be directed to the video that is creating a lot of controversy. The news broke late last week and The View was still talking about it on Monday morning (I saw the women ranting on it via PerezHilton.com). I went to look at the video again and was not surprised to see that it had over a million views. Katy Perry was also on SNL this weekend acting out a hilarious parody regarding the situation.
Having witnessed children playing on the beach with their topless mothers and grandmothers (!), I believe a lot of cultures would think this argument is hilarious. Then there are cultures that would shelter their children from images like these. It's a fine line. What should Sesame Street do?
As a parent of a 3 year old boy and another baby boy on the way, I have felt that if I am caught undressing or I am surprised in the bathroom while getting out of the shower, not making a big deal out of the situation is how I will handle it all. My son has asked me questions like, "Where does your pee pee come from?" and I honestly explain to him the difference between his body and my body. I don't run around naked in the house and neither does Jose, but many times we change with the door open and it is never an issue for Diego. I would like Diego to not be obsessed with boobs, I don't know if by seeing mine while I dress or in a bathing suit in the summer he will just "get used to them" and not ogle at the breasts that happen to pass him by. I want my son to be mature about nudity and not snicker while passing a naked statue at a museum or stare at a girl walking New York City streets in a tight and revealing mini dress (as if it won't happen when he's older).
The guide "What to Expect-The Toddler Years" suggests to "end cross-gender nudity" the minute a little boy starts asking mom about the differences in male and female bodies. They even state that family nudity could become a problem by age three but okay to do see the same sex parent nude. I'm not comfortable taking a shower with Diego anymore, but I think it's more about not wanting to answer too many questions...I am guilty of this. Jose on the other hand has no problem showering with him and answering anything Diego's little mind is pondering. I also plan on nursing my new baby, am I supposed to hide from my almost 4 year old from a very natural action?
Would it be different if we had a girl? Would it be more of an issue about what Katy Perry was wearing and sending the wrong message to little girls?
I wonder, if we treat body conversations with honesty, teach our kids to respect their bodies and other people's bodies and not shaming them when they ask questions, does it really matter if a young woman in a low cut dress is dancing around with Elmo and her boobs are bouncing? Or is the issue here really about Sesame Street's responsibility and parent's trust on the show to not bring up questionable issues? Tough one. I'm interested to hear what moms of little girls think of the debate!
xoxo
If you YouTube "Sesame Street and Katy Perry" you will immediately be directed to the video that is creating a lot of controversy. The news broke late last week and The View was still talking about it on Monday morning (I saw the women ranting on it via PerezHilton.com). I went to look at the video again and was not surprised to see that it had over a million views. Katy Perry was also on SNL this weekend acting out a hilarious parody regarding the situation.
Having witnessed children playing on the beach with their topless mothers and grandmothers (!), I believe a lot of cultures would think this argument is hilarious. Then there are cultures that would shelter their children from images like these. It's a fine line. What should Sesame Street do?
As a parent of a 3 year old boy and another baby boy on the way, I have felt that if I am caught undressing or I am surprised in the bathroom while getting out of the shower, not making a big deal out of the situation is how I will handle it all. My son has asked me questions like, "Where does your pee pee come from?" and I honestly explain to him the difference between his body and my body. I don't run around naked in the house and neither does Jose, but many times we change with the door open and it is never an issue for Diego. I would like Diego to not be obsessed with boobs, I don't know if by seeing mine while I dress or in a bathing suit in the summer he will just "get used to them" and not ogle at the breasts that happen to pass him by. I want my son to be mature about nudity and not snicker while passing a naked statue at a museum or stare at a girl walking New York City streets in a tight and revealing mini dress (as if it won't happen when he's older).
The guide "What to Expect-The Toddler Years" suggests to "end cross-gender nudity" the minute a little boy starts asking mom about the differences in male and female bodies. They even state that family nudity could become a problem by age three but okay to do see the same sex parent nude. I'm not comfortable taking a shower with Diego anymore, but I think it's more about not wanting to answer too many questions...I am guilty of this. Jose on the other hand has no problem showering with him and answering anything Diego's little mind is pondering. I also plan on nursing my new baby, am I supposed to hide from my almost 4 year old from a very natural action?
Would it be different if we had a girl? Would it be more of an issue about what Katy Perry was wearing and sending the wrong message to little girls?
I wonder, if we treat body conversations with honesty, teach our kids to respect their bodies and other people's bodies and not shaming them when they ask questions, does it really matter if a young woman in a low cut dress is dancing around with Elmo and her boobs are bouncing? Or is the issue here really about Sesame Street's responsibility and parent's trust on the show to not bring up questionable issues? Tough one. I'm interested to hear what moms of little girls think of the debate!
xoxo
Mother's Love
Mother's Love. What is Mother's love? To me, when a mother can shed a tear for other children who are not her children, that's mother's love. When news about a baby suffering, a nation under catastrophe, or a teenager misguided stabs your heart...that's mother's love.
A friend of mine just recently stated on her Facebook status that her eyes teared when she overheard her son having a conversation with his great-grandmother. He didn't know his mother was listening and the exchange he was having with his great-grandmother must have been so sweet or so powerful that it made my friend cry with what I can assume was pride. Someone commented "Mother's love" after her post.
This morning I watched yesterday's Oprah on the new movie "Waiting for Superman". I have been thinking about it all day because I was crying my eyes out when I was watching snippets of the movie, a controversial movie about our nation's education system, that comes out this Friday in NYC and L.A. I cried watching how one little girl wasn't allowed to graduate on stage because her mother was behind on school payments. I learned that her mother was working several jobs to pay for a private school because her neighborhood schools are so bad and yet she couldn't give her daughter the gift of walking on stage...that proud moment was taken away from both of them.
Today, Diego went off to his amazing preschool, had a fun playdate with his friend Jake, went to swimming class and is blissfully taking a nap while I write. I get emotional and I feel gratitude, that I can personally witness this everyday. I never take it for granted that everytime he expresses a joy for learning, when his little brain clicks with new knowledge and his face lights up, that we are giving him the biggest gift of all-education. There is nothing more that I value and when I think about going back to work because I feel like I am not contributing to the educational system, to my household income, or to myself, I see how lucky I am and that one day, when I go back, I will be a better teacher because I am a mother to this child first.
The chancellor of D.C. schools, Michelle Rhee, is portrayed in the movie "Waiting for Superman" as a villain for being so harsh (she fired her own kids' school principal!) and for fighting the unions on and off again. She couldn't have stated better on Oprah today that she does her job well everyday because she is a mother first. She will not allow for other mother's children to have to endure poor quality education if she wouldn't allow it for her own children. People fight the chancellor everyday and this woman never gives up.
There are thousands and thousands of great teachers out there who are not moms and there are poor teachers who are mothers. My point here is that today as I read my friend Perla's Facebook update, for me, my whole day connected. Watching Diego, listening to other moms throughout the day, that Oprah episode, made me realize that a mother's love goes a long, long way whether you are a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom. What a woman will do for her children or for other women's children is remarkable. I applaud women like Perla who have taught their children invaluable lessons and women like Michelle Rhee who fight for other women's children. Oprah! Oprah doesn't even have children and with her all mighty power is bringing light to a very important issue, our children and education. I can't wait to see what happens after "Waiting for Superman" is released! Make sure to check it out!
xoxo
A friend of mine just recently stated on her Facebook status that her eyes teared when she overheard her son having a conversation with his great-grandmother. He didn't know his mother was listening and the exchange he was having with his great-grandmother must have been so sweet or so powerful that it made my friend cry with what I can assume was pride. Someone commented "Mother's love" after her post.
This morning I watched yesterday's Oprah on the new movie "Waiting for Superman". I have been thinking about it all day because I was crying my eyes out when I was watching snippets of the movie, a controversial movie about our nation's education system, that comes out this Friday in NYC and L.A. I cried watching how one little girl wasn't allowed to graduate on stage because her mother was behind on school payments. I learned that her mother was working several jobs to pay for a private school because her neighborhood schools are so bad and yet she couldn't give her daughter the gift of walking on stage...that proud moment was taken away from both of them.
Today, Diego went off to his amazing preschool, had a fun playdate with his friend Jake, went to swimming class and is blissfully taking a nap while I write. I get emotional and I feel gratitude, that I can personally witness this everyday. I never take it for granted that everytime he expresses a joy for learning, when his little brain clicks with new knowledge and his face lights up, that we are giving him the biggest gift of all-education. There is nothing more that I value and when I think about going back to work because I feel like I am not contributing to the educational system, to my household income, or to myself, I see how lucky I am and that one day, when I go back, I will be a better teacher because I am a mother to this child first.
The chancellor of D.C. schools, Michelle Rhee, is portrayed in the movie "Waiting for Superman" as a villain for being so harsh (she fired her own kids' school principal!) and for fighting the unions on and off again. She couldn't have stated better on Oprah today that she does her job well everyday because she is a mother first. She will not allow for other mother's children to have to endure poor quality education if she wouldn't allow it for her own children. People fight the chancellor everyday and this woman never gives up.
There are thousands and thousands of great teachers out there who are not moms and there are poor teachers who are mothers. My point here is that today as I read my friend Perla's Facebook update, for me, my whole day connected. Watching Diego, listening to other moms throughout the day, that Oprah episode, made me realize that a mother's love goes a long, long way whether you are a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom. What a woman will do for her children or for other women's children is remarkable. I applaud women like Perla who have taught their children invaluable lessons and women like Michelle Rhee who fight for other women's children. Oprah! Oprah doesn't even have children and with her all mighty power is bringing light to a very important issue, our children and education. I can't wait to see what happens after "Waiting for Superman" is released! Make sure to check it out!
xoxo
Nothing to Say
Do you think that the majority of the time when people come and ask you for advice, they already know what they want to hear? And you know what they want to hear so you offer that advice despite your personal beliefs? How many times has a girlfriend come to you crying, cursing the boyfriend and you just want to say, "Leave him already!" but you don't because that would hurt your good friend's feelings and you want to remain on her list for future advice?
It's not easy to always say what you want to say. I have been on the other end and just need someone to tell me to make the hard decision, give me options or just listen.
I have a hard time with bad news or news that requires a little bit of waiting. For example, your friend just took the exam that will change her career plans, and she is waiting anxiously for the results but you know she was partying the night before the test. Do you say, "Hey, I know you are going to pass!" or "Well, if you don't pass, we'll know why. You shouldn't have had that last tequila shot at Suzy's birthday party! Better luck next time!"
I have been blamed in the past for not saying the right thing. It's tough because I am always a person people turn to for advice. Friends will come to me for relationship, career and family advice. But when someone is sick or has received bad health news, I freeze. When you know someone is at the hospital, you say, "I'll keep you in my prayers" but that sometimes doesn't sound genuine to me. I know a lot of people who say those specific words and don't pray!! Parenting issues is also a tricky one. Offering parenting advice to other parents isn't easy. I can write a suggestion but I can never talk out a suggestion as sensitive to health or parenting without going over it in my head hours later. Did I say the right thing? Will she hate me? There is something about typing out an email and hitting that delete button over and over again and reviewing your words on the screen, but once you say words out loud-there is no way of taking them back.
Here is one thing I learned the hard way: Sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Just listen. When friends complain, cry, or are exasperated with a concern, sometimes they just want you to listen. It isn't easy either but you will learn a lot about yourself as well. My advice isn't professional, spiritual or anything else, so who is to say it is good advice?
"I don't know what to say and I'm sorry. I am sending you positive thoughts and will call you tomorrow to see how you are doing". Those are my new words for tough situations. I am learning I don't always say the right thing and I don't always have to have the right answer.
xoxo,
Betty
It's not easy to always say what you want to say. I have been on the other end and just need someone to tell me to make the hard decision, give me options or just listen.
I have a hard time with bad news or news that requires a little bit of waiting. For example, your friend just took the exam that will change her career plans, and she is waiting anxiously for the results but you know she was partying the night before the test. Do you say, "Hey, I know you are going to pass!" or "Well, if you don't pass, we'll know why. You shouldn't have had that last tequila shot at Suzy's birthday party! Better luck next time!"
I have been blamed in the past for not saying the right thing. It's tough because I am always a person people turn to for advice. Friends will come to me for relationship, career and family advice. But when someone is sick or has received bad health news, I freeze. When you know someone is at the hospital, you say, "I'll keep you in my prayers" but that sometimes doesn't sound genuine to me. I know a lot of people who say those specific words and don't pray!! Parenting issues is also a tricky one. Offering parenting advice to other parents isn't easy. I can write a suggestion but I can never talk out a suggestion as sensitive to health or parenting without going over it in my head hours later. Did I say the right thing? Will she hate me? There is something about typing out an email and hitting that delete button over and over again and reviewing your words on the screen, but once you say words out loud-there is no way of taking them back.
Here is one thing I learned the hard way: Sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Just listen. When friends complain, cry, or are exasperated with a concern, sometimes they just want you to listen. It isn't easy either but you will learn a lot about yourself as well. My advice isn't professional, spiritual or anything else, so who is to say it is good advice?
"I don't know what to say and I'm sorry. I am sending you positive thoughts and will call you tomorrow to see how you are doing". Those are my new words for tough situations. I am learning I don't always say the right thing and I don't always have to have the right answer.
xoxo,
Betty
What's in a Name?
Today we are celebrating the birth of my cousin Brenda's baby boy, Damian. With today's technology, I had the play by play on her decision to be induced, to her trip to the hospital, to the time of the 8cm dilation and pictures and video of the new baby boy via text, Facebook and the old fashioned telephone call. I was super excited and I kept asking my cousin Yvette about the baby's name. She must have told me five times in the last three months that the baby boy will be named Damian. I couldn't believe it was so different and even expressed my preference for other names. Today, I still sent her a message this morning confirming the spelling of Damian and to make sure I didn't miss a middle name. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it and had a revelation. There was a clear indication that our extended 60+ Roman family was moving on from the common names such as Jesus (we have 4 in the Roman family), Jose (2 including a Maria Jose) and Maria (5 that I know of). Oh, but this does not even compare to my husband Jose's Banda side of the family!!! Forget about the names, you also have to memorize the typical Mexican nicknames.
When I first met Jose, I met a lot of his family with nicknames such as Baby, Bibi, Panchito, La Bola, and he himself was known as Chepe (you know, because Jose isn't short enough). There was also a Charlie and it seemed weird to me that this cousin had such an American name. There was also a Paco and I have a cousin Paco so that was normal. But names such as Kako for a Ruben really surprised me as I struggled to keep everyone straight. His sister Gloria Melissa was just "Meli" but when I call her at work, I don't know who to ask for!! Or I have to double check when I send out a dirty email that it doesn't go to her mother, my mother-in-law who is also Gloria!!!
This weekend, Jose had a real good laugh as I was preparing the guest list for his parent's 40th Anniversary Surprise Party. I kept asking questions like, "Who is Juan Fransisco?" and he would say, "um, Panchito?" Oh. Then, "Who is Juan Carlos?" He replied, "That would be Bibi". But isn't Carlos Alberto really Charlie? And then, ""Who is the other Juan? Juan Alberto?" "BOLA!!!!" He couldn't believe that I couldn't keep the names straight. I continued deciphering between Juan Manuel (Tio Mane is how I know him) and then there's Jorge Manuel and 2 Francisco Antonios!!!!
We were guilty as well when naming our little boy Diego Antonio. Jose is Jose Antonio because Jose's grandfather was Antonio and Jose really wanted to honor his grandfather by giving Diego the middle name. We later found out that a Don Diego was a great-great grandfather and even a mayor of Cerritos, San Luis Potosi. Oh, this had the Banda family jumping for joy although I didn't honor that poor man on purspose! I guess it is what it is and I am kind of proud that Don Diego was so important to the town and to the family.
In all the Velascos, Romans, Bandas and Galvans, I haven't heard of a Damian and it was refreshing to hear Damian. Just Damian. Although it is honorable, meaningful and touching to name our children after our ancestors, it is also nice to hear something different and unique. We don't want to forget where we came from and at the same time, like Juliet said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." A Roman is still a Roman. From the girl who grew up with one cousin Chuy, one Tio Chupis one Tio Chucho and 2 Abuelitos Jesus, let's think of a little apodo for the little Damian...
xoxo,
Betty
When I first met Jose, I met a lot of his family with nicknames such as Baby, Bibi, Panchito, La Bola, and he himself was known as Chepe (you know, because Jose isn't short enough). There was also a Charlie and it seemed weird to me that this cousin had such an American name. There was also a Paco and I have a cousin Paco so that was normal. But names such as Kako for a Ruben really surprised me as I struggled to keep everyone straight. His sister Gloria Melissa was just "Meli" but when I call her at work, I don't know who to ask for!! Or I have to double check when I send out a dirty email that it doesn't go to her mother, my mother-in-law who is also Gloria!!!
This weekend, Jose had a real good laugh as I was preparing the guest list for his parent's 40th Anniversary Surprise Party. I kept asking questions like, "Who is Juan Fransisco?" and he would say, "um, Panchito?" Oh. Then, "Who is Juan Carlos?" He replied, "That would be Bibi". But isn't Carlos Alberto really Charlie? And then, ""Who is the other Juan? Juan Alberto?" "BOLA!!!!" He couldn't believe that I couldn't keep the names straight. I continued deciphering between Juan Manuel (Tio Mane is how I know him) and then there's Jorge Manuel and 2 Francisco Antonios!!!!
We were guilty as well when naming our little boy Diego Antonio. Jose is Jose Antonio because Jose's grandfather was Antonio and Jose really wanted to honor his grandfather by giving Diego the middle name. We later found out that a Don Diego was a great-great grandfather and even a mayor of Cerritos, San Luis Potosi. Oh, this had the Banda family jumping for joy although I didn't honor that poor man on purspose! I guess it is what it is and I am kind of proud that Don Diego was so important to the town and to the family.
In all the Velascos, Romans, Bandas and Galvans, I haven't heard of a Damian and it was refreshing to hear Damian. Just Damian. Although it is honorable, meaningful and touching to name our children after our ancestors, it is also nice to hear something different and unique. We don't want to forget where we came from and at the same time, like Juliet said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." A Roman is still a Roman. From the girl who grew up with one cousin Chuy, one Tio Chupis one Tio Chucho and 2 Abuelitos Jesus, let's think of a little apodo for the little Damian...
xoxo,
Betty
Hump
I cried at yoga today. Now I'm laughing about it. Nothing happened. No muscles pulled by doing downward facing dog and I didn't fall on my face while attempting warrior 3. At the end of a yoga class, in the final relaxation pose I became overwhelmed. It was an amazing class and my body felt great and I was simply grateful...
The holidays are over and everyone knows that January is a hump month. The month that is disliked by many. No holidays involving gifts...poor January. It's smacked in the middle between Christmas and Valentine's Day. March isn't great either but Spring brings us hope...good weather and flowers!! Poor January is cold and everyone is broke and fat.
The good thing about feeling cold, broke and fat is that everyone is ready to look good for the summer, to save for trips and to lose weight for the skimpy clothes. January brings goals, fresh starts and diets. People (although a little grumpy in the dark mornings) have new outlooks and those that don't plan for themselves...get stuck in a rut.
My message today is...don't get stuck in a rut. Plan for yourself first this year. Take that cooking class you've been meaning to take. Plan that vacation abroad!! Volunteer your time to the less fortunate! I'm here to cheer you on!!! And don't be afraid at what someone will say about your new adventure!!
I sometimes feel that I may come off flaky when I say that I want to do this or that. Since I started writing this blog last April, I have made a few attempts at a couple of things that have now been long forgotten. Remember when I was playing tennis? How about baking? Um, I never made it past baking the same recipe for chocoate chip cookies (did it 3 times). How about the time I took my photography class in Singapore? I still love it but decided to take writing classes now. See? I may seem a little bit flaky or at least like I don't know what I want to do. Now, I'm taking yoga as well (2 months now) I am even learning how to do a head stand in class!! Oh, and I'm really into making soups this month. I have made 4 different types from scratch. AND, I fell off the wagon from my vegetarianism and now I'm back on track (11 days-no meat).
Through yoga I am deciding that I will not get stuck in a rut. I'm not usually a complainer but I've gone through a few couple of stressful things that can keep me down and unhealthy. Recently, a very close person to me had a little bit of a nervous breakdown. This was one of the scariest things I have ever lived through. It still isn't easy for me to talk about but I wonder how her life would have been different if she did a little soul searching? It's not to say that you'll go crazy if you don't stay engaged. You may go crazy thinking you need to be engaged so that you don't go crazy! My point is that we are forever in the pursuit of fresh starts and new goals but when you look around, everyone is doing the same thing! We have to think outside the box because sometimes going to the gym isn't for everyone. Going back to school isn't for everyone. For some, opening up a new book, going out a little bit more, staying in a bit more may do the trick. Sleeping more or sleeping less for others. Whatever. You have to find the right fit for you. You have to get over the humps of life. Januarys or Wednesdays. Breakups or a health scare. We gotta plow through doing the things we think we love...or until it's found. And if not, I'll always be the best chocolate chip cookie maker that can hit to just the wall in tennis and can do a mean headstand. I'll keep giving myself new goals and I'll continue to be grateful.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Don't forget to share with me your new adventures for this year!
The holidays are over and everyone knows that January is a hump month. The month that is disliked by many. No holidays involving gifts...poor January. It's smacked in the middle between Christmas and Valentine's Day. March isn't great either but Spring brings us hope...good weather and flowers!! Poor January is cold and everyone is broke and fat.
The good thing about feeling cold, broke and fat is that everyone is ready to look good for the summer, to save for trips and to lose weight for the skimpy clothes. January brings goals, fresh starts and diets. People (although a little grumpy in the dark mornings) have new outlooks and those that don't plan for themselves...get stuck in a rut.
My message today is...don't get stuck in a rut. Plan for yourself first this year. Take that cooking class you've been meaning to take. Plan that vacation abroad!! Volunteer your time to the less fortunate! I'm here to cheer you on!!! And don't be afraid at what someone will say about your new adventure!!
I sometimes feel that I may come off flaky when I say that I want to do this or that. Since I started writing this blog last April, I have made a few attempts at a couple of things that have now been long forgotten. Remember when I was playing tennis? How about baking? Um, I never made it past baking the same recipe for chocoate chip cookies (did it 3 times). How about the time I took my photography class in Singapore? I still love it but decided to take writing classes now. See? I may seem a little bit flaky or at least like I don't know what I want to do. Now, I'm taking yoga as well (2 months now) I am even learning how to do a head stand in class!! Oh, and I'm really into making soups this month. I have made 4 different types from scratch. AND, I fell off the wagon from my vegetarianism and now I'm back on track (11 days-no meat).
Through yoga I am deciding that I will not get stuck in a rut. I'm not usually a complainer but I've gone through a few couple of stressful things that can keep me down and unhealthy. Recently, a very close person to me had a little bit of a nervous breakdown. This was one of the scariest things I have ever lived through. It still isn't easy for me to talk about but I wonder how her life would have been different if she did a little soul searching? It's not to say that you'll go crazy if you don't stay engaged. You may go crazy thinking you need to be engaged so that you don't go crazy! My point is that we are forever in the pursuit of fresh starts and new goals but when you look around, everyone is doing the same thing! We have to think outside the box because sometimes going to the gym isn't for everyone. Going back to school isn't for everyone. For some, opening up a new book, going out a little bit more, staying in a bit more may do the trick. Sleeping more or sleeping less for others. Whatever. You have to find the right fit for you. You have to get over the humps of life. Januarys or Wednesdays. Breakups or a health scare. We gotta plow through doing the things we think we love...or until it's found. And if not, I'll always be the best chocolate chip cookie maker that can hit to just the wall in tennis and can do a mean headstand. I'll keep giving myself new goals and I'll continue to be grateful.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Don't forget to share with me your new adventures for this year!
Remember to Forget
In reply to Maggie’s question: “Can you forgive but really forget?”
Some days my heart literally aches when I think of certain memories. I feel the emptiness in my chest, my heart being tugged in an enormous hole. Some days I can still feel the sadness even in an environment surrounded by true, genuine love and happiness. Sometimes it takes days for me to forget after the pain is resurfaced from the years having passed. And some days, it’s one, two or three different past and painful situations wrapped up together inside my head: remembering.
As we get older, man, it piles up! Different painful situations from different relationships start to add up. The pain that one suffered gets intensified as relationships develop or as relationships expand. Intensified in the sense that we learn to brace ourselves for emotional pain to come or heightened because after years of trying to forget, we don’t and now we’re just messed up! Perhaps after the forgiving, the forgetting doesn’t happen because it is impossible to have the reminders in our face literally every day in many different ways.
I’m not sure what Maggie was referring to. Perhaps her sister stole her favorite purse. Or perhaps her vet misdiagnosed her dog. It could be anything. But let’s talk about the most common “forgive and forget” scenario. Cheating. Two-timing. Infidelity. And let’s take Tiger Woods for lack of better example. Do we really expect hundreds, or thousand, maybe even millions of women to “forget” their husbands or boyfriends cheated when they are bombarded by the Tiger Woods scandal? His face is on every magazine at the check-out counters of the supermarkets! Everyone on the radio is talking about him and everyone on TV has an opinion, a justification, or a psychological answer to Tiger’s behavior. If something like this has happened to you, how in the world can you forget when it’s all we can talk about? I find it impossible to believe that old wounds are not opened for many, many women…err, people when our society partakes in a global discussion.
No, I don’t think you can forgive and forget. I believe you can forgive but not forget. Whether it was a stolen purse or a bad vet, every time you see a purse or a dog, you most probably think of the situation. So I believe, what needs to be done is a need to take care of you and how to handle that “not-forgetting” little situation we have on our hands. The forgiving is personal for everyone (and I won’t touch on that assuming that Maggie has forgiven, however her journey). The “not-forgetting” can bring out the “uglies”-horrible moods, anger, depression, and earfuls for the girlfriends who were oh-so-over it many years ago. This is not attractive behavior. So we must combat the root of a new problem after the original problem: us. I hear prayer works for a lot of people and a nice cocktail for even more (I kid, I kid)! Counseling and therapy is a great idea and in vogue as it is now widely accepted, if not, encouraged. For me, yoga does the trick. I feel so refreshed, spiritual and calm that those memories get tucked back at my lowest chakra until something like a la Tiger-humongous-jumbo reminder comes to bring it back out.
Jokes aside, if someone asks for forgiveness or didn’t but you decide it’s time to forgive in order to move on; forgetting is our own and another responsibility right? We need to realize and remember that forgetting is a life-long process. My heart will continue to be tugged and ringed by the past, but my mind must be at peace to accept the present.
Xoxo,
Betty
Some days my heart literally aches when I think of certain memories. I feel the emptiness in my chest, my heart being tugged in an enormous hole. Some days I can still feel the sadness even in an environment surrounded by true, genuine love and happiness. Sometimes it takes days for me to forget after the pain is resurfaced from the years having passed. And some days, it’s one, two or three different past and painful situations wrapped up together inside my head: remembering.
As we get older, man, it piles up! Different painful situations from different relationships start to add up. The pain that one suffered gets intensified as relationships develop or as relationships expand. Intensified in the sense that we learn to brace ourselves for emotional pain to come or heightened because after years of trying to forget, we don’t and now we’re just messed up! Perhaps after the forgiving, the forgetting doesn’t happen because it is impossible to have the reminders in our face literally every day in many different ways.
I’m not sure what Maggie was referring to. Perhaps her sister stole her favorite purse. Or perhaps her vet misdiagnosed her dog. It could be anything. But let’s talk about the most common “forgive and forget” scenario. Cheating. Two-timing. Infidelity. And let’s take Tiger Woods for lack of better example. Do we really expect hundreds, or thousand, maybe even millions of women to “forget” their husbands or boyfriends cheated when they are bombarded by the Tiger Woods scandal? His face is on every magazine at the check-out counters of the supermarkets! Everyone on the radio is talking about him and everyone on TV has an opinion, a justification, or a psychological answer to Tiger’s behavior. If something like this has happened to you, how in the world can you forget when it’s all we can talk about? I find it impossible to believe that old wounds are not opened for many, many women…err, people when our society partakes in a global discussion.
No, I don’t think you can forgive and forget. I believe you can forgive but not forget. Whether it was a stolen purse or a bad vet, every time you see a purse or a dog, you most probably think of the situation. So I believe, what needs to be done is a need to take care of you and how to handle that “not-forgetting” little situation we have on our hands. The forgiving is personal for everyone (and I won’t touch on that assuming that Maggie has forgiven, however her journey). The “not-forgetting” can bring out the “uglies”-horrible moods, anger, depression, and earfuls for the girlfriends who were oh-so-over it many years ago. This is not attractive behavior. So we must combat the root of a new problem after the original problem: us. I hear prayer works for a lot of people and a nice cocktail for even more (I kid, I kid)! Counseling and therapy is a great idea and in vogue as it is now widely accepted, if not, encouraged. For me, yoga does the trick. I feel so refreshed, spiritual and calm that those memories get tucked back at my lowest chakra until something like a la Tiger-humongous-jumbo reminder comes to bring it back out.
Jokes aside, if someone asks for forgiveness or didn’t but you decide it’s time to forgive in order to move on; forgetting is our own and another responsibility right? We need to realize and remember that forgetting is a life-long process. My heart will continue to be tugged and ringed by the past, but my mind must be at peace to accept the present.
Xoxo,
Betty
I Heart NY
Reasons why I heart NY:
1) Everyone wants to be here. Tourists, tourists everywhere!
2) Because the man on the subway platform singing and playing “Wild Horses” on his guitar can teach my son many things.
3) Because I can hear English, Spanish, and Japanese in one block.
4) Because I can walk everywhere and listen to the English, Spanish and Japanese…
5) Because there is inspiration everywhere.
6) The graffiti.
7) The architecture.
8) Book stores that are not the big Bs.
9) Coffee shops that are not the big S.
10) Celebrity sightings with no one taking pictures of them.
11) The best food from hot dogs to farmer markets to world renowned cuisine.
12) Recent history. Good and bad.
13) Because I can add to this list.
xoxo,
Betty
1) Everyone wants to be here. Tourists, tourists everywhere!
2) Because the man on the subway platform singing and playing “Wild Horses” on his guitar can teach my son many things.
3) Because I can hear English, Spanish, and Japanese in one block.
4) Because I can walk everywhere and listen to the English, Spanish and Japanese…
5) Because there is inspiration everywhere.
6) The graffiti.
7) The architecture.
8) Book stores that are not the big Bs.
9) Coffee shops that are not the big S.
10) Celebrity sightings with no one taking pictures of them.
11) The best food from hot dogs to farmer markets to world renowned cuisine.
12) Recent history. Good and bad.
13) Because I can add to this list.
xoxo,
Betty
Exceptional Indulgences
Ah, the end of the year! People are running around buying gifts, decorating their homes, travelling and sending best wishes. Little children are on their best behavior, whispering sweet wishes to Santa and if you live in the city, doormen and supers of your building are extra, extra nice.
Me? I’m indulging. Sweets everywhere! A gift for grandma=a gift for me! Jose has a company party so I have an extra 3 hours to myself on the weekend! Eating out, ordering in, dinner parties- wine, wine and more wine! It doesn’t stop but I LOVE it. The only problem is that back in October, I decided to become a vegetarian (more on that later). Up until Thanksgiving, I did really well (except for the time I snuck in a single croqueta de pollo). I had planned on eating turkey with Jose and Diego and gave myself a pass. Not much of a vegetarian you say? Not really, I’m still eating seafood. So no chicken or red meat for 2 months except those 2 little things that crossed my way. I even made it to Chicago for four days without eating meat!!! I thought I was doing well but then Jose’s birthday rolled around and he really wanted to have steak (we didn’t) and now Christmas in Chicago is coming and I am already giving up before I even try to not give in and eat meat!
This time of year people talk a lot about forgiveness, peace, love and compassion but what about these things for us, personally? I’m not going to beat myself up during the holidays for eating meat. I love meat. I have a few reasons why I’m giving up meat. A couple of these reasons: animal cruelty and pollution. I have come to the conclusion in the last two and half months that I am not going to single handedly stop factory farms or clean the air, but I will try to be intelligent and well read when people ask me why I decided to become a vegetarian. I’m getting there. S L O W L Y. Not much of a vegetarian you say? It’s okay. “Tis the Season” to forgive me! So, I’m not beating myself up and I also don’t want to turn away that delicious carne de puerco en salsita verde or the gorditas de chorizo that my mother-in-law will be making. I’m indulging only in situations like this. I will continue to focus on my goals as a future vegetarian and be at peace…with myself.
Xoxo,
Betty
Update: I wrote this yesterday and today I had some time to continue reading “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer. It was an awakening reminder and confirmation on my decision to become a vegetarian. I won’t be at peace with myself if I make exceptions or can justify every time I eat meat. Holidays or not, I’m going to really, really try. I’ll just have more wine and chocolate! :-) I'll keep you posted.
Me? I’m indulging. Sweets everywhere! A gift for grandma=a gift for me! Jose has a company party so I have an extra 3 hours to myself on the weekend! Eating out, ordering in, dinner parties- wine, wine and more wine! It doesn’t stop but I LOVE it. The only problem is that back in October, I decided to become a vegetarian (more on that later). Up until Thanksgiving, I did really well (except for the time I snuck in a single croqueta de pollo). I had planned on eating turkey with Jose and Diego and gave myself a pass. Not much of a vegetarian you say? Not really, I’m still eating seafood. So no chicken or red meat for 2 months except those 2 little things that crossed my way. I even made it to Chicago for four days without eating meat!!! I thought I was doing well but then Jose’s birthday rolled around and he really wanted to have steak (we didn’t) and now Christmas in Chicago is coming and I am already giving up before I even try to not give in and eat meat!
This time of year people talk a lot about forgiveness, peace, love and compassion but what about these things for us, personally? I’m not going to beat myself up during the holidays for eating meat. I love meat. I have a few reasons why I’m giving up meat. A couple of these reasons: animal cruelty and pollution. I have come to the conclusion in the last two and half months that I am not going to single handedly stop factory farms or clean the air, but I will try to be intelligent and well read when people ask me why I decided to become a vegetarian. I’m getting there. S L O W L Y. Not much of a vegetarian you say? It’s okay. “Tis the Season” to forgive me! So, I’m not beating myself up and I also don’t want to turn away that delicious carne de puerco en salsita verde or the gorditas de chorizo that my mother-in-law will be making. I’m indulging only in situations like this. I will continue to focus on my goals as a future vegetarian and be at peace…with myself.
Xoxo,
Betty
Update: I wrote this yesterday and today I had some time to continue reading “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer. It was an awakening reminder and confirmation on my decision to become a vegetarian. I won’t be at peace with myself if I make exceptions or can justify every time I eat meat. Holidays or not, I’m going to really, really try. I’ll just have more wine and chocolate! :-) I'll keep you posted.
What Comes after Babies?
The list: 1)Crush. 2)First kiss. 3)Boyfriend/Girlfriend. 4)Engagement. 5)Wedding. 6)Babies... 7)uh....7) hmmm? Babies and then what?
There is so much to look forward to when one is going through the rights of passage. I am sure everyone can remember their first crush and of course their first kiss. Boyfriends come and go and it was so much fun to date (well not all the time...). Engagements and weddings are documented by photographers and videographers and those events also come and go so fast. When the babies start coming...showers and gifts and sleeping through the night and first steps...but then what? Sure there is so much to look forward to when it comes to your child but what about your partner? The one that stood outside your door clutching a bouquet of flowers before taking you out on a date. The one that stood at the altar and brought your first baby to your lips. What happens when you accomplish items 1-6 on your list and you are only in your mid- thirties? What happens when there is no number 7 and no roll around in the sack anymore? (or not as often, at least!) And no tickles here and no tickles there? We are having this discussion in our early 30s? Why are we so tired? Why are we wearing the ugliest pj's at night, sitting on separate couches and going to bed at different times than our husbands? We need to spice it up.
My girlfriends and I just had a discussion on how tired we are at the end of the night and how guilty we feel. We agreed that men never seem to be tired when it comes to sex. Really, if you enticed them every single night, do some say no??? Not our guys!! It was also interesting that a couple of girlfriends who are single mentioned that we need to buck up (haha) and start treating our men a little better. I'm not an expert, but perhaps the excitement of "preying" on men when you are single makes the daily grind (I'm cracking myself up) seem much more enticing? Let me compare sex to food. When you go to a buffet, you pick a little here and a little there and "oooohh, there's some fried chicken I haven't had in a while so I'm going to devour that with some mashed potatoes!" And then there are situations where you have to cook everyday and it's cold pizza for the 3rd day in a row. See single ladies, you just get to pick from the vast variety and if tomorrow you need a little corn to go with that chicken and mashed potatoes, you are going to eat. The rest of us married ladies...we need to add some crushed pepper on that pizza.
Now that the single ladies understand the difference in eating (really...) we need to talk to the married ladies with the kids on how to spice it up again. Again, I am not an expert but I have heard and they say that communication is key. We need to talk to our partners in order to get into bed with them. Make it exciting again. But what should we talk about? This is what Jose and I do: once a week (or every two weeks if the budget is tight) we go out alone. We don't ever go to a movie or a bowling alley, we go have dinner and sit right in front of each other and talk. I nag. He talks about work. I nag. We drink. He talks about sports. I tell him about a book I'm reading. We talk about Diego. We drink. We drink some more. We eat. We talk about the people in the restaurant. We laugh. We gossip. We laugh some more.We walk home. We get home and then...well you get the picture. But it can't just be twice a month right? No it can't.
This is where it really gets hard (I really can't help myself). Ladies: bring out the lingerie during the week. Men: bring home that bottle of wine. Ladies: Plan a special dinner for the two when the baby is off to bed. Men: Help out around the house for Christ's sake! Women are not superhuman with extraordinary powers. Help her help you! Ladies: Ask him about his day. Try not to mention that your mother called and cousin Juanito got arrested again. Ladies: MAKE TIME FOR YOU and go and get a massage, a pedicure, feel feminine. And don't tell me you can't afford it cause all you have to do is make your own coffee for a week. Men: put the toilet seat down, trim those nose hairs and get a facial. Yes, facials for men are okay! And Men: please don't ignore your wife the whole evening and then start kissing her when 11pm rolls around.
Sacrifices. Forcing ourselves to do things we don't normally do or want to do. We force ourselves to do things for our kids, our parents, our sibling and friends. Why not our partners? As I stated before, I'm no expert and I really need to follow my own advice. Ever since we moved back to the States I can't seem to get myself out of the funk. I'm tired. Exhausted actually and my mood is so foul that Jose has to check it by calling before walking in the door. Usually it's a negative. When things are good...oh they are sooo good. So why not give it a go a little more often? Give yourself something to look forward to like number 7: Yummy love.
What other advice would you give to those who need a little kick?
xoxo,
Betty
There is so much to look forward to when one is going through the rights of passage. I am sure everyone can remember their first crush and of course their first kiss. Boyfriends come and go and it was so much fun to date (well not all the time...). Engagements and weddings are documented by photographers and videographers and those events also come and go so fast. When the babies start coming...showers and gifts and sleeping through the night and first steps...but then what? Sure there is so much to look forward to when it comes to your child but what about your partner? The one that stood outside your door clutching a bouquet of flowers before taking you out on a date. The one that stood at the altar and brought your first baby to your lips. What happens when you accomplish items 1-6 on your list and you are only in your mid- thirties? What happens when there is no number 7 and no roll around in the sack anymore? (or not as often, at least!) And no tickles here and no tickles there? We are having this discussion in our early 30s? Why are we so tired? Why are we wearing the ugliest pj's at night, sitting on separate couches and going to bed at different times than our husbands? We need to spice it up.
My girlfriends and I just had a discussion on how tired we are at the end of the night and how guilty we feel. We agreed that men never seem to be tired when it comes to sex. Really, if you enticed them every single night, do some say no??? Not our guys!! It was also interesting that a couple of girlfriends who are single mentioned that we need to buck up (haha) and start treating our men a little better. I'm not an expert, but perhaps the excitement of "preying" on men when you are single makes the daily grind (I'm cracking myself up) seem much more enticing? Let me compare sex to food. When you go to a buffet, you pick a little here and a little there and "oooohh, there's some fried chicken I haven't had in a while so I'm going to devour that with some mashed potatoes!" And then there are situations where you have to cook everyday and it's cold pizza for the 3rd day in a row. See single ladies, you just get to pick from the vast variety and if tomorrow you need a little corn to go with that chicken and mashed potatoes, you are going to eat. The rest of us married ladies...we need to add some crushed pepper on that pizza.
Now that the single ladies understand the difference in eating (really...) we need to talk to the married ladies with the kids on how to spice it up again. Again, I am not an expert but I have heard and they say that communication is key. We need to talk to our partners in order to get into bed with them. Make it exciting again. But what should we talk about? This is what Jose and I do: once a week (or every two weeks if the budget is tight) we go out alone. We don't ever go to a movie or a bowling alley, we go have dinner and sit right in front of each other and talk. I nag. He talks about work. I nag. We drink. He talks about sports. I tell him about a book I'm reading. We talk about Diego. We drink. We drink some more. We eat. We talk about the people in the restaurant. We laugh. We gossip. We laugh some more.We walk home. We get home and then...well you get the picture. But it can't just be twice a month right? No it can't.
This is where it really gets hard (I really can't help myself). Ladies: bring out the lingerie during the week. Men: bring home that bottle of wine. Ladies: Plan a special dinner for the two when the baby is off to bed. Men: Help out around the house for Christ's sake! Women are not superhuman with extraordinary powers. Help her help you! Ladies: Ask him about his day. Try not to mention that your mother called and cousin Juanito got arrested again. Ladies: MAKE TIME FOR YOU and go and get a massage, a pedicure, feel feminine. And don't tell me you can't afford it cause all you have to do is make your own coffee for a week. Men: put the toilet seat down, trim those nose hairs and get a facial. Yes, facials for men are okay! And Men: please don't ignore your wife the whole evening and then start kissing her when 11pm rolls around.
Sacrifices. Forcing ourselves to do things we don't normally do or want to do. We force ourselves to do things for our kids, our parents, our sibling and friends. Why not our partners? As I stated before, I'm no expert and I really need to follow my own advice. Ever since we moved back to the States I can't seem to get myself out of the funk. I'm tired. Exhausted actually and my mood is so foul that Jose has to check it by calling before walking in the door. Usually it's a negative. When things are good...oh they are sooo good. So why not give it a go a little more often? Give yourself something to look forward to like number 7: Yummy love.
What other advice would you give to those who need a little kick?
xoxo,
Betty
