Thank you so much for following me here! This is where my writing got started a couple of years ago and gave me the platform for my new project. I decided to start My Friend Betty Says... as a blog dedicated more for life, parenting and kid ideas as well as passing on stories or features that are uplifting and inspiring. Don't we all need a little more of that? Please follow me at My Friend Betty Says and subscribe and comment!
Thank you again,
Betty
I Work Out
I have had the amazing opportunity to work with personal trainer Jackie Castillo at Can Do Fitness here in Short Hills since week #7 of my pregnancy. These pictures are of week #22. She has me working!!!This is the third time I have worked with a trainer. The first time was before my wedding 7 1/2 years ago. The second time was this past summer after a hard attempt to get back to my pre-baby #2 weight. Because I worked so hard this summer, I didn't want to just forget about my exercise routine while pregnant with baby #3 so I met with Jackie!
I'm going to lay it out here for you. I started at 133 pounds with her at week #7, I am currently 142! But check this out, my fat percentage went from 23.6 to 22.7 percent! My overall fitness is at 87.5% which qualifies as excellent! I am soooo happy and proud.
We have been focusing on weight training twice a week together and I'm supposed to do cardio two to three times a week for 30 minutes. Honestly, that just started happening. I would tell Jackie that I cleaned my house for cardio or that I carried Santi ALL DAY. It has been so hard to get to the gym with everything else I have to do around here! If it were not for Jackie, I wouldn't be able to make it at all. I keep hearing to make your gym time an appointment on your calendar, a date with yourself and make it important enough not to miss it. This is my new goal as I head into my third trimester. I am definitely going to need the energy and that natural adrenaline you get after an awesome work out.
I think that my mind is also in a better place. Maybe 50 percent more at peace than it was back in October! There are some days that I don't speak to an adult for about 12 hours!!! In September and October of last year I was so down because of our sixth move (this time to New Jersey) that the few times I saw Jackie, I had to hold it together and not cry.
I'm so lucky we clicked and the funny conversations we have twice a week while she kicks my butt is invigorating!
Stay tuned for more pics to come. Can't wait to show off my growing belly in the near future. And please check out Jackie's Facebook page and click on "like" if you do...
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Feel-Better-Nude-LLC/154282354608623
xoxo
Can a Stay at Home Mom be a Feminist?
What is a feminist? I would personally describe her (or him) as a person who defends equal rights for women. I would say that one doesn't have to be socially active or label oneself as a feminist (I wouldn't necessarily pick feminist as an adjective to describe myself) to be one. I also don't reject the description if someone called me a feminist. I appreciate all the hard work, blood and tears women before me sacrificed so that I could be able to be what I want to be...but a stay at home mom (SAHM)? Is that a good choice for a a feminist? Would a hard-core feminist approve?
I have been recenly annoyed during the Republican debates but more so when women's issues come along as a topic. Mitt Romney said, "Contraceptions are working just fine. Leave it alone". I believe he meant it because I believe he really doesn't care about what women choose to do to with their bodies. Yet, because he is a Republican, just like many, he has to say he is pro-life. Are there really any candidates out there that are pro-choice AND a Republican? The Huffington Post recently wrote that "All eight major contenders for the Republican nomination are vehemently anti-abortion". I just don't buy it and I don't vote Republican because of this issue. Does this make me a defender of women's rights? Does this make me a feminist then? But, I'm a SAHM...
Besides my daily duties of feeding the children, driving my oldest to school, grocery shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking and so on, I also do all of this for my husband. I will soon be doing all of this for a house full of boys as I am currently expecting my third son. I don't work outside our home, I am college educated and had a career at one point, but I gave it all up for my husband's career that took him (us) out to Tokyo. I delivered my first, Diego, in Japan and because I had no family out there, completely alone, I decided to dedicate myself to solely raise our son. I saw the benefits of staying at home, Diego was thriving, happy, and soon I decided I would invest at least 5 years to each child. But I'm also doing it for my husband. Do I still qualify as a feminist? I make my husband's life easier. He comes home, there is food on the stove, a stocked refrigerator with his favorite beer, wine to unwind, clean clothes, and the car maintaned. He takes out the garbage every night, loads the dishwasher, puts Diego to bed, and he's done! But, he manages our finances, gets up every time if there is a crying child, and is a super hands-on dad. He is loving to me and my best friend. I consider us equals and he does too.
Jose is working late tonight so I stopped for a minute to tuck Diego into bed just now and he's almost five and he has tons of comments and questions. He says to me, "I have to marry someone who is shorter than me." Let's just say I couldn't run back to the computer to finish my thoughts here right away. I may or may not be a feminist to some, but I am going to raise my sons to respect women, be gentlemen, have open minds, be accepting and loving, understand equality...just like my husband.
As I asked others SAHMs what their take was on this topic, my friend Celeste said, "a SAHM is the ultimate matriarch of the modern feminist movement. I consider it more of a career choice than anything else. It's by far the hardest thing a woman can do." Growing up I knew that I wanted to give my children what my mother offered as a SAHM but my only problem with my mom's choice was that she never prepared herself for anything else. She depended on my dad for everything and as soon as we grew up and were out of the house, she really didn't have anything left to do but continue to care for my dad and their house. I knew I wanted the independence, to show my children that I could do anything else, that I could go back to school, back to work, or not. I agree with Celeste that choosing to be a SAHM is so modern and a continuation for the fight of equal rights. I'm sorry my mom didn't have the choice I have but because of her and her sacrifices, I knew this was a natural path for me. In some ways, she was part of the early feminist movement. Her Mexican culture and family had expectations of her to stay home and raise a family. She didn't have many choices as a recent immigrant to this country. My mother always talked to me about my options, to make the right choices, que me prepare...what an inspiration.
As I asked others SAHMs what their take was on this topic, my friend Celeste said, "a SAHM is the ultimate matriarch of the modern feminist movement. I consider it more of a career choice than anything else. It's by far the hardest thing a woman can do." Growing up I knew that I wanted to give my children what my mother offered as a SAHM but my only problem with my mom's choice was that she never prepared herself for anything else. She depended on my dad for everything and as soon as we grew up and were out of the house, she really didn't have anything left to do but continue to care for my dad and their house. I knew I wanted the independence, to show my children that I could do anything else, that I could go back to school, back to work, or not. I agree with Celeste that choosing to be a SAHM is so modern and a continuation for the fight of equal rights. I'm sorry my mom didn't have the choice I have but because of her and her sacrifices, I knew this was a natural path for me. In some ways, she was part of the early feminist movement. Her Mexican culture and family had expectations of her to stay home and raise a family. She didn't have many choices as a recent immigrant to this country. My mother always talked to me about my options, to make the right choices, que me prepare...what an inspiration.
I would love to know what single women think of the subject. My thoughts are everywhere right now as feminism is such a broad topic. I didn't talk about the hard (or boring) days I have and how things can get mundane pretty fast and I also didn't mention working-moms (hats off to you!) perspectives. More to come.
xoxo
Scoot scoot!
When I called my dad in Chicago to show off that his grandson was gliding up and down Reade Street like a pro, he laughed and said, “Oh, you got him the patineta del Diablo? The devil’s scooter?” I gasped and said, “Pa! Why would you say that?” Chuckling he replied, “because when people see you chasing after your kid they will think the Devil’s gotten into you”.
Growing up in the South Side of Chicago taught me at an early age to duck at the sound of shootings on “L” platforms inside crowded trains. Now, my heart beats fast and I develop a new type of anxiety as I chase my zig zagging 3 year-old son up and down TriBeCa streets and yelling “Slow down! Diego! STOP!!!” as he zips by focused New Yorkers, minding their business but aware to dodge and move out of the way at the hundreds of toddlers and children on scooters. I find myself apologizing, embarrassed to pedestrians who sometimes do (or don’t) feel the impact of a 35 pound boy on wheels crash on their heels. Some people avoid the kids on scooters on the streets by playing a little “chicken” but always lose the game to the flying child with smirks on their little faces with no fear. Once, a man carrying an oversized orange leather bag, was talking on his cell phone and didn’t notice my son. Diego, who thought he had cleared the height, was unaware of the couple of inches his helmet adds to his height, bounced off his bag and flew off his scooter. I screamed and the man never turned to see if Diego was okay. Hurriedly and scared that my son had broken a bone, I blamed myself for wanting my son to be a true little New Yorker on the smartest wheels invented for city kids. No more stroller up and down subway stairs and no more complaining by Diego, wanting to be carried after a few blocks of walking. It had to be worth it. I was determined to make him a tough, careful and smart little guy on wheels. He brushed himself off got back on and just as my heart rate went down, Diego was distracted by a girl’s pink and shiny wheels that he ended up crashing into a wall. He bounced right up and scooted away without a tear or second thought.
The gang members I used to identify based on the colors they wore and signs they threw up with their hands has now been long forgotten and replaced by watching little boys and girls compare helmet designs and sticker applications on the base of their boards. They race around the smooth path inside Washington Market Park confronting new obstacles and terrorizing young couples strolling by hand in hand. I now identify with screaming mothers and father chasing their kids down west Greenwich smooth sidewalk, catching up with their child before arriving at the corner of Chambers, a busy intersection with school children, gossiping teens and complaining college students, and then scolding their little one on wheels for not listening. How can they? My 3 year old has never moved faster and his young 2 year old neighbor and friend can keep right up with him. I’m world’s away from the childhood I left behind but the anxiety of a parent lives within no matter where you are.
Growing up in the South Side of Chicago taught me at an early age to duck at the sound of shootings on “L” platforms inside crowded trains. Now, my heart beats fast and I develop a new type of anxiety as I chase my zig zagging 3 year-old son up and down TriBeCa streets and yelling “Slow down! Diego! STOP!!!” as he zips by focused New Yorkers, minding their business but aware to dodge and move out of the way at the hundreds of toddlers and children on scooters. I find myself apologizing, embarrassed to pedestrians who sometimes do (or don’t) feel the impact of a 35 pound boy on wheels crash on their heels. Some people avoid the kids on scooters on the streets by playing a little “chicken” but always lose the game to the flying child with smirks on their little faces with no fear. Once, a man carrying an oversized orange leather bag, was talking on his cell phone and didn’t notice my son. Diego, who thought he had cleared the height, was unaware of the couple of inches his helmet adds to his height, bounced off his bag and flew off his scooter. I screamed and the man never turned to see if Diego was okay. Hurriedly and scared that my son had broken a bone, I blamed myself for wanting my son to be a true little New Yorker on the smartest wheels invented for city kids. No more stroller up and down subway stairs and no more complaining by Diego, wanting to be carried after a few blocks of walking. It had to be worth it. I was determined to make him a tough, careful and smart little guy on wheels. He brushed himself off got back on and just as my heart rate went down, Diego was distracted by a girl’s pink and shiny wheels that he ended up crashing into a wall. He bounced right up and scooted away without a tear or second thought.
The gang members I used to identify based on the colors they wore and signs they threw up with their hands has now been long forgotten and replaced by watching little boys and girls compare helmet designs and sticker applications on the base of their boards. They race around the smooth path inside Washington Market Park confronting new obstacles and terrorizing young couples strolling by hand in hand. I now identify with screaming mothers and father chasing their kids down west Greenwich smooth sidewalk, catching up with their child before arriving at the corner of Chambers, a busy intersection with school children, gossiping teens and complaining college students, and then scolding their little one on wheels for not listening. How can they? My 3 year old has never moved faster and his young 2 year old neighbor and friend can keep right up with him. I’m world’s away from the childhood I left behind but the anxiety of a parent lives within no matter where you are.
Bully
Jose and I have pretty much agreed with everything relating to parenting such as discipline, activities, sleep issues, and so on. Latetly though, I must confess, I was really not comfortable with the way he wanted Diego to deal with a little something that was going on. We were in total disagreement and started fighting, involving our close friends for opinions and reading up on specific parenting blogs. This issue has been going on for about six months and because Jose felt so strongly about this, I was giving in.
When Diego was really young, I remember us having conversations with other couples about whether or not we preferred our sons to be bullies or victims. Most of the dads and some of the moms said that they preferred their boys to be the "tougher" kid. Today, as the news is spinning out tons of stories of young men (and women) who are taking their lives because of bullies, I believe we are all starting to think differently.
Diego has never been an agressive kid. Like a lot of children, we had to teach him to share, take turns and be gentle and not a day goes by that he isn't reminded of these essential developmental steps. It started to get a little tough for him when other children were not willing to "take 5 minute turns" or would take things away from him. But it really started to get tough for Jose when he was witnessing kids shove Diego, not give him space, and take away things from his hands without Diego doing anything but cry. So like everything I do when it comes to an issue I don't know how to deal with, I Google it, read up on it, talk to my teacher friends and I found that everyone was in agreement that we should teach our children to say, "No. I don't like that" or "Please stop" or "No, thank you" when they feel threatened, when they are hit or when another child is about to take something away. We are supposed to teach our children to "use their words" instead of crying, so that all parties are aware of what is going on.
Well, those suggestions and those words didn't go very well with Diego. He used them when he felt threatened, we reminded him to "speak up" but it truly wasn't working and Jose witnessed other children not caring what Diego "felt" so it wasn't working for Jose either. He said that I was teaching Diego to be too polite and that he was going to end up being a push over. Jose started teaching Diego how to fight. (!)
So Diego and I go off to the park and I was embarrassed when he decided to share with some of us that, "Daddy says its okay to hit back" after he witnessed another child get hit. A friend of mine asked me what that was all about and I explained that Jose was really upset about Diego just sitting there and letting kids as young as 18 months wack him over the head and since he was only reacting with tears, Jose was teaching him how to "defend" himself. I didn't feel comfortable sharing this. I felt as people would think Jose was a thug from 26th Street in Chicago (hahaha!! cause he was!) and although I kind of wanted to agree with him because we both learned from The School of Hard Knocks, I just felt that there must be a way another way to teach an almost 4 year-old how to "defend" himself. I really started to feel strong about hitting never being the answer. There are major consequences in life for 2 people fighting no matter who threw the first punch!
Lucky me, Diego's preschool offers weekly coffee hours with the school's child development consultant, Dr. Kate. Today was the first session and parents sat in a circle, said our names, our child's age and were able to ask a question about anything that had to do with anything. Dr. Kate started making a list, didn't reply to anyone right away, and later grouped our questions as she answered them. She was super efficient with her one-hour session! I have to say that the majority of the room had an older sibling in the house beating up on a younger one and parents were very, very frustrated. Dr. Kate addressed our issue first and was very specific with my situation as well due to the fact that bullying is getting a lot of attention on the news right now. It really hit me when she said that children need to start to develop a voice as soon as they can speak. We need to teach our children to scream, stomp, yell "no!" when they are being bothered, even if it is by an older sibling. Dr. Kate didn't say it was okay to hit back and she probably never will, but she did say that if your 18 month old is hitting your 3 year old, there needs to be justice. So she suggested that the more agressive child should always be taken out of the situation when he hurts someone (verbally or physically) or throws a tantrum that becomes dangerous. This is also called "time-out" and we are all familiar. Dr. Kate suggested we only use time-outs for these specific situations, when a child is hurting another or hurting him or herself or is about to throw something, etc. We teach older kids not to hurt their younger siblings but when they get hurt by an 18 month old that clearly doesn't understand the consequences, showing the older child that the consequences are the same for his little sibling helps out a lot. Dr. Kate told me that it is okay to teach Diego to yell "no!" as something is happening to him even if the other child's parent or caregiver is there. She told me to also have conversations at home, after the situation occured, because when children are calm, they listen. They don't listen when they are upset and crying. Other moms recommended I pick up the children's book, "One" by Kathryn Otoshi for kids ages 4-8 and talk about how the characters deal with bullying.
I can't go so far and say that Diego is being bullied or that he is always perfectly innocent. I feel that there are very specific situations that constitute as "bullying". What is happening here is simply more assertive preschoolers vs. those that are not. What alarmed me, as a mother, was my husband's fear of Diego growing up to be bullied or simply not learning how to defend himself and I think that is valid. What also bothered me is that I simply didn't have an answer and what I was trying wasn't working. I don't expect a perfect child (ha ha by those who know me very well) but when it comes to social situations I do expect Diego to know how to behave. More importantly, when you see that certain behavior or actions that a parent makes can scar a child for life, I feel that this issue is a pretty big deal. Kids don't want anything more then to feel loved, protected and safe, it is our job to give them that and more. I don't get tired of having endless conversations with Diego about his day, about his fears and his triumphs, I feel it is my job to empower him and for him to learn to completely trust us. We need to teach our children to be tolerant, open-minded and to stick up for themselves and OTHERS! They should respect themselves and their bodies, their personal items, and their friends-but they are not going to understand that without our help. Communication is the most important thing and the conversations evolve natrually as our children's issues become more complex. I don't believe children are too young to learn this or to learn that, situations come up, bring them up and never, ever stop talking. I don't know what kind of personality Diego will end up completely developing. I hope he is a gentleman like his father, polite and friendly like his father, and smart and charming like his father. The most important thing for me is that he is happy, secure and tolerant like his father.
xoxo
When Diego was really young, I remember us having conversations with other couples about whether or not we preferred our sons to be bullies or victims. Most of the dads and some of the moms said that they preferred their boys to be the "tougher" kid. Today, as the news is spinning out tons of stories of young men (and women) who are taking their lives because of bullies, I believe we are all starting to think differently.
Diego has never been an agressive kid. Like a lot of children, we had to teach him to share, take turns and be gentle and not a day goes by that he isn't reminded of these essential developmental steps. It started to get a little tough for him when other children were not willing to "take 5 minute turns" or would take things away from him. But it really started to get tough for Jose when he was witnessing kids shove Diego, not give him space, and take away things from his hands without Diego doing anything but cry. So like everything I do when it comes to an issue I don't know how to deal with, I Google it, read up on it, talk to my teacher friends and I found that everyone was in agreement that we should teach our children to say, "No. I don't like that" or "Please stop" or "No, thank you" when they feel threatened, when they are hit or when another child is about to take something away. We are supposed to teach our children to "use their words" instead of crying, so that all parties are aware of what is going on.
Well, those suggestions and those words didn't go very well with Diego. He used them when he felt threatened, we reminded him to "speak up" but it truly wasn't working and Jose witnessed other children not caring what Diego "felt" so it wasn't working for Jose either. He said that I was teaching Diego to be too polite and that he was going to end up being a push over. Jose started teaching Diego how to fight. (!)
So Diego and I go off to the park and I was embarrassed when he decided to share with some of us that, "Daddy says its okay to hit back" after he witnessed another child get hit. A friend of mine asked me what that was all about and I explained that Jose was really upset about Diego just sitting there and letting kids as young as 18 months wack him over the head and since he was only reacting with tears, Jose was teaching him how to "defend" himself. I didn't feel comfortable sharing this. I felt as people would think Jose was a thug from 26th Street in Chicago (hahaha!! cause he was!) and although I kind of wanted to agree with him because we both learned from The School of Hard Knocks, I just felt that there must be a way another way to teach an almost 4 year-old how to "defend" himself. I really started to feel strong about hitting never being the answer. There are major consequences in life for 2 people fighting no matter who threw the first punch!
Lucky me, Diego's preschool offers weekly coffee hours with the school's child development consultant, Dr. Kate. Today was the first session and parents sat in a circle, said our names, our child's age and were able to ask a question about anything that had to do with anything. Dr. Kate started making a list, didn't reply to anyone right away, and later grouped our questions as she answered them. She was super efficient with her one-hour session! I have to say that the majority of the room had an older sibling in the house beating up on a younger one and parents were very, very frustrated. Dr. Kate addressed our issue first and was very specific with my situation as well due to the fact that bullying is getting a lot of attention on the news right now. It really hit me when she said that children need to start to develop a voice as soon as they can speak. We need to teach our children to scream, stomp, yell "no!" when they are being bothered, even if it is by an older sibling. Dr. Kate didn't say it was okay to hit back and she probably never will, but she did say that if your 18 month old is hitting your 3 year old, there needs to be justice. So she suggested that the more agressive child should always be taken out of the situation when he hurts someone (verbally or physically) or throws a tantrum that becomes dangerous. This is also called "time-out" and we are all familiar. Dr. Kate suggested we only use time-outs for these specific situations, when a child is hurting another or hurting him or herself or is about to throw something, etc. We teach older kids not to hurt their younger siblings but when they get hurt by an 18 month old that clearly doesn't understand the consequences, showing the older child that the consequences are the same for his little sibling helps out a lot. Dr. Kate told me that it is okay to teach Diego to yell "no!" as something is happening to him even if the other child's parent or caregiver is there. She told me to also have conversations at home, after the situation occured, because when children are calm, they listen. They don't listen when they are upset and crying. Other moms recommended I pick up the children's book, "One" by Kathryn Otoshi for kids ages 4-8 and talk about how the characters deal with bullying.
I can't go so far and say that Diego is being bullied or that he is always perfectly innocent. I feel that there are very specific situations that constitute as "bullying". What is happening here is simply more assertive preschoolers vs. those that are not. What alarmed me, as a mother, was my husband's fear of Diego growing up to be bullied or simply not learning how to defend himself and I think that is valid. What also bothered me is that I simply didn't have an answer and what I was trying wasn't working. I don't expect a perfect child (ha ha by those who know me very well) but when it comes to social situations I do expect Diego to know how to behave. More importantly, when you see that certain behavior or actions that a parent makes can scar a child for life, I feel that this issue is a pretty big deal. Kids don't want anything more then to feel loved, protected and safe, it is our job to give them that and more. I don't get tired of having endless conversations with Diego about his day, about his fears and his triumphs, I feel it is my job to empower him and for him to learn to completely trust us. We need to teach our children to be tolerant, open-minded and to stick up for themselves and OTHERS! They should respect themselves and their bodies, their personal items, and their friends-but they are not going to understand that without our help. Communication is the most important thing and the conversations evolve natrually as our children's issues become more complex. I don't believe children are too young to learn this or to learn that, situations come up, bring them up and never, ever stop talking. I don't know what kind of personality Diego will end up completely developing. I hope he is a gentleman like his father, polite and friendly like his father, and smart and charming like his father. The most important thing for me is that he is happy, secure and tolerant like his father.
xoxo
A Fine Balance
My previous post and its comments brought up another issue: Why does anyone care about Katy Perry and Sesame Street's debate, when there is so much more to worry about regarding our nation right now? Our country's immigration issue, health care issue, economic issue, and education issue (getting some great attention right now) all should be a priority. Yet, we are focused on Lindsay Lohan's latest admittance to a drug rehab facility and other pointless news.
Detachment? Do people want to detach from what is really "real" in our society? News about bankruptcy, upcoming elections, the high percentage of American's without work are all scary and stressful topics. Have you ever noticed on your Facebook feed that when a person shares an article regarding the latest massacre by Mexican cartels, it receives very little feedback? Yet, when one posts personal pictures, a cheer for a local team or "which Jersey Shore character are you?" it receives tons of comments or endless re-posts? Are we using the media to just disconnect from reality? And using fake reality to amuse us and start a conversation? Why are we more comfortable doing this?
Those who know me, I have an opinion about everything. But I also love to hear what people have to say about crazy topics such as the Japanese denying Paris Hilton entrance to their country. I want to know about the latest books, the latest movies. I want someone to really sit and explain to me the new health care rules that started last week, who this Cuomo guy really is before he becomes our new governor here in New York, and yes, I want to know if Sesame Street is creating controversy because I have a young son.
I don't believe "ridiculous" topics take away from what else is in dire need of attention. Everything gets attention. You want to know about education reform right now? Go see "Waiting for Superman". Those who can't, tune in to NBC and MSNBC this week because they have dedicated all week to "Education Nation". Let's read a little bit more national news on-line rather than the gossips blogs or pick up a new book. We have time. We need to make time. We can't change the economy over night, but we can educate ourselves about the recent credit card "read the fine line" push and raise hell when we don't like what is being done. Things are happening, we have to show that we are interested as much as we are interested in Katy Perry's boobs. We need to reconnect and now and then enjoy a little detachment.
xoxo
Detachment? Do people want to detach from what is really "real" in our society? News about bankruptcy, upcoming elections, the high percentage of American's without work are all scary and stressful topics. Have you ever noticed on your Facebook feed that when a person shares an article regarding the latest massacre by Mexican cartels, it receives very little feedback? Yet, when one posts personal pictures, a cheer for a local team or "which Jersey Shore character are you?" it receives tons of comments or endless re-posts? Are we using the media to just disconnect from reality? And using fake reality to amuse us and start a conversation? Why are we more comfortable doing this?
Those who know me, I have an opinion about everything. But I also love to hear what people have to say about crazy topics such as the Japanese denying Paris Hilton entrance to their country. I want to know about the latest books, the latest movies. I want someone to really sit and explain to me the new health care rules that started last week, who this Cuomo guy really is before he becomes our new governor here in New York, and yes, I want to know if Sesame Street is creating controversy because I have a young son.
I don't believe "ridiculous" topics take away from what else is in dire need of attention. Everything gets attention. You want to know about education reform right now? Go see "Waiting for Superman". Those who can't, tune in to NBC and MSNBC this week because they have dedicated all week to "Education Nation". Let's read a little bit more national news on-line rather than the gossips blogs or pick up a new book. We have time. We need to make time. We can't change the economy over night, but we can educate ourselves about the recent credit card "read the fine line" push and raise hell when we don't like what is being done. Things are happening, we have to show that we are interested as much as we are interested in Katy Perry's boobs. We need to reconnect and now and then enjoy a little detachment.
xoxo
Sesame Street's Boob Boob
Should we be offended by Katy Perry's boobs bouncing up and down in a low cut, stunning, yellow dress?
If you YouTube "Sesame Street and Katy Perry" you will immediately be directed to the video that is creating a lot of controversy. The news broke late last week and The View was still talking about it on Monday morning (I saw the women ranting on it via PerezHilton.com). I went to look at the video again and was not surprised to see that it had over a million views. Katy Perry was also on SNL this weekend acting out a hilarious parody regarding the situation.
Having witnessed children playing on the beach with their topless mothers and grandmothers (!), I believe a lot of cultures would think this argument is hilarious. Then there are cultures that would shelter their children from images like these. It's a fine line. What should Sesame Street do?
As a parent of a 3 year old boy and another baby boy on the way, I have felt that if I am caught undressing or I am surprised in the bathroom while getting out of the shower, not making a big deal out of the situation is how I will handle it all. My son has asked me questions like, "Where does your pee pee come from?" and I honestly explain to him the difference between his body and my body. I don't run around naked in the house and neither does Jose, but many times we change with the door open and it is never an issue for Diego. I would like Diego to not be obsessed with boobs, I don't know if by seeing mine while I dress or in a bathing suit in the summer he will just "get used to them" and not ogle at the breasts that happen to pass him by. I want my son to be mature about nudity and not snicker while passing a naked statue at a museum or stare at a girl walking New York City streets in a tight and revealing mini dress (as if it won't happen when he's older).
The guide "What to Expect-The Toddler Years" suggests to "end cross-gender nudity" the minute a little boy starts asking mom about the differences in male and female bodies. They even state that family nudity could become a problem by age three but okay to do see the same sex parent nude. I'm not comfortable taking a shower with Diego anymore, but I think it's more about not wanting to answer too many questions...I am guilty of this. Jose on the other hand has no problem showering with him and answering anything Diego's little mind is pondering. I also plan on nursing my new baby, am I supposed to hide from my almost 4 year old from a very natural action?
Would it be different if we had a girl? Would it be more of an issue about what Katy Perry was wearing and sending the wrong message to little girls?
I wonder, if we treat body conversations with honesty, teach our kids to respect their bodies and other people's bodies and not shaming them when they ask questions, does it really matter if a young woman in a low cut dress is dancing around with Elmo and her boobs are bouncing? Or is the issue here really about Sesame Street's responsibility and parent's trust on the show to not bring up questionable issues? Tough one. I'm interested to hear what moms of little girls think of the debate!
xoxo
If you YouTube "Sesame Street and Katy Perry" you will immediately be directed to the video that is creating a lot of controversy. The news broke late last week and The View was still talking about it on Monday morning (I saw the women ranting on it via PerezHilton.com). I went to look at the video again and was not surprised to see that it had over a million views. Katy Perry was also on SNL this weekend acting out a hilarious parody regarding the situation.
Having witnessed children playing on the beach with their topless mothers and grandmothers (!), I believe a lot of cultures would think this argument is hilarious. Then there are cultures that would shelter their children from images like these. It's a fine line. What should Sesame Street do?
As a parent of a 3 year old boy and another baby boy on the way, I have felt that if I am caught undressing or I am surprised in the bathroom while getting out of the shower, not making a big deal out of the situation is how I will handle it all. My son has asked me questions like, "Where does your pee pee come from?" and I honestly explain to him the difference between his body and my body. I don't run around naked in the house and neither does Jose, but many times we change with the door open and it is never an issue for Diego. I would like Diego to not be obsessed with boobs, I don't know if by seeing mine while I dress or in a bathing suit in the summer he will just "get used to them" and not ogle at the breasts that happen to pass him by. I want my son to be mature about nudity and not snicker while passing a naked statue at a museum or stare at a girl walking New York City streets in a tight and revealing mini dress (as if it won't happen when he's older).
The guide "What to Expect-The Toddler Years" suggests to "end cross-gender nudity" the minute a little boy starts asking mom about the differences in male and female bodies. They even state that family nudity could become a problem by age three but okay to do see the same sex parent nude. I'm not comfortable taking a shower with Diego anymore, but I think it's more about not wanting to answer too many questions...I am guilty of this. Jose on the other hand has no problem showering with him and answering anything Diego's little mind is pondering. I also plan on nursing my new baby, am I supposed to hide from my almost 4 year old from a very natural action?
Would it be different if we had a girl? Would it be more of an issue about what Katy Perry was wearing and sending the wrong message to little girls?
I wonder, if we treat body conversations with honesty, teach our kids to respect their bodies and other people's bodies and not shaming them when they ask questions, does it really matter if a young woman in a low cut dress is dancing around with Elmo and her boobs are bouncing? Or is the issue here really about Sesame Street's responsibility and parent's trust on the show to not bring up questionable issues? Tough one. I'm interested to hear what moms of little girls think of the debate!
xoxo
Mother's Love
Mother's Love. What is Mother's love? To me, when a mother can shed a tear for other children who are not her children, that's mother's love. When news about a baby suffering, a nation under catastrophe, or a teenager misguided stabs your heart...that's mother's love.
A friend of mine just recently stated on her Facebook status that her eyes teared when she overheard her son having a conversation with his great-grandmother. He didn't know his mother was listening and the exchange he was having with his great-grandmother must have been so sweet or so powerful that it made my friend cry with what I can assume was pride. Someone commented "Mother's love" after her post.
This morning I watched yesterday's Oprah on the new movie "Waiting for Superman". I have been thinking about it all day because I was crying my eyes out when I was watching snippets of the movie, a controversial movie about our nation's education system, that comes out this Friday in NYC and L.A. I cried watching how one little girl wasn't allowed to graduate on stage because her mother was behind on school payments. I learned that her mother was working several jobs to pay for a private school because her neighborhood schools are so bad and yet she couldn't give her daughter the gift of walking on stage...that proud moment was taken away from both of them.
Today, Diego went off to his amazing preschool, had a fun playdate with his friend Jake, went to swimming class and is blissfully taking a nap while I write. I get emotional and I feel gratitude, that I can personally witness this everyday. I never take it for granted that everytime he expresses a joy for learning, when his little brain clicks with new knowledge and his face lights up, that we are giving him the biggest gift of all-education. There is nothing more that I value and when I think about going back to work because I feel like I am not contributing to the educational system, to my household income, or to myself, I see how lucky I am and that one day, when I go back, I will be a better teacher because I am a mother to this child first.
The chancellor of D.C. schools, Michelle Rhee, is portrayed in the movie "Waiting for Superman" as a villain for being so harsh (she fired her own kids' school principal!) and for fighting the unions on and off again. She couldn't have stated better on Oprah today that she does her job well everyday because she is a mother first. She will not allow for other mother's children to have to endure poor quality education if she wouldn't allow it for her own children. People fight the chancellor everyday and this woman never gives up.
There are thousands and thousands of great teachers out there who are not moms and there are poor teachers who are mothers. My point here is that today as I read my friend Perla's Facebook update, for me, my whole day connected. Watching Diego, listening to other moms throughout the day, that Oprah episode, made me realize that a mother's love goes a long, long way whether you are a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom. What a woman will do for her children or for other women's children is remarkable. I applaud women like Perla who have taught their children invaluable lessons and women like Michelle Rhee who fight for other women's children. Oprah! Oprah doesn't even have children and with her all mighty power is bringing light to a very important issue, our children and education. I can't wait to see what happens after "Waiting for Superman" is released! Make sure to check it out!
xoxo
A friend of mine just recently stated on her Facebook status that her eyes teared when she overheard her son having a conversation with his great-grandmother. He didn't know his mother was listening and the exchange he was having with his great-grandmother must have been so sweet or so powerful that it made my friend cry with what I can assume was pride. Someone commented "Mother's love" after her post.
This morning I watched yesterday's Oprah on the new movie "Waiting for Superman". I have been thinking about it all day because I was crying my eyes out when I was watching snippets of the movie, a controversial movie about our nation's education system, that comes out this Friday in NYC and L.A. I cried watching how one little girl wasn't allowed to graduate on stage because her mother was behind on school payments. I learned that her mother was working several jobs to pay for a private school because her neighborhood schools are so bad and yet she couldn't give her daughter the gift of walking on stage...that proud moment was taken away from both of them.
Today, Diego went off to his amazing preschool, had a fun playdate with his friend Jake, went to swimming class and is blissfully taking a nap while I write. I get emotional and I feel gratitude, that I can personally witness this everyday. I never take it for granted that everytime he expresses a joy for learning, when his little brain clicks with new knowledge and his face lights up, that we are giving him the biggest gift of all-education. There is nothing more that I value and when I think about going back to work because I feel like I am not contributing to the educational system, to my household income, or to myself, I see how lucky I am and that one day, when I go back, I will be a better teacher because I am a mother to this child first.
The chancellor of D.C. schools, Michelle Rhee, is portrayed in the movie "Waiting for Superman" as a villain for being so harsh (she fired her own kids' school principal!) and for fighting the unions on and off again. She couldn't have stated better on Oprah today that she does her job well everyday because she is a mother first. She will not allow for other mother's children to have to endure poor quality education if she wouldn't allow it for her own children. People fight the chancellor everyday and this woman never gives up.
There are thousands and thousands of great teachers out there who are not moms and there are poor teachers who are mothers. My point here is that today as I read my friend Perla's Facebook update, for me, my whole day connected. Watching Diego, listening to other moms throughout the day, that Oprah episode, made me realize that a mother's love goes a long, long way whether you are a stay-at-home-mom or a working mom. What a woman will do for her children or for other women's children is remarkable. I applaud women like Perla who have taught their children invaluable lessons and women like Michelle Rhee who fight for other women's children. Oprah! Oprah doesn't even have children and with her all mighty power is bringing light to a very important issue, our children and education. I can't wait to see what happens after "Waiting for Superman" is released! Make sure to check it out!
xoxo
Nothing to Say
Do you think that the majority of the time when people come and ask you for advice, they already know what they want to hear? And you know what they want to hear so you offer that advice despite your personal beliefs? How many times has a girlfriend come to you crying, cursing the boyfriend and you just want to say, "Leave him already!" but you don't because that would hurt your good friend's feelings and you want to remain on her list for future advice?
It's not easy to always say what you want to say. I have been on the other end and just need someone to tell me to make the hard decision, give me options or just listen.
I have a hard time with bad news or news that requires a little bit of waiting. For example, your friend just took the exam that will change her career plans, and she is waiting anxiously for the results but you know she was partying the night before the test. Do you say, "Hey, I know you are going to pass!" or "Well, if you don't pass, we'll know why. You shouldn't have had that last tequila shot at Suzy's birthday party! Better luck next time!"
I have been blamed in the past for not saying the right thing. It's tough because I am always a person people turn to for advice. Friends will come to me for relationship, career and family advice. But when someone is sick or has received bad health news, I freeze. When you know someone is at the hospital, you say, "I'll keep you in my prayers" but that sometimes doesn't sound genuine to me. I know a lot of people who say those specific words and don't pray!! Parenting issues is also a tricky one. Offering parenting advice to other parents isn't easy. I can write a suggestion but I can never talk out a suggestion as sensitive to health or parenting without going over it in my head hours later. Did I say the right thing? Will she hate me? There is something about typing out an email and hitting that delete button over and over again and reviewing your words on the screen, but once you say words out loud-there is no way of taking them back.
Here is one thing I learned the hard way: Sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Just listen. When friends complain, cry, or are exasperated with a concern, sometimes they just want you to listen. It isn't easy either but you will learn a lot about yourself as well. My advice isn't professional, spiritual or anything else, so who is to say it is good advice?
"I don't know what to say and I'm sorry. I am sending you positive thoughts and will call you tomorrow to see how you are doing". Those are my new words for tough situations. I am learning I don't always say the right thing and I don't always have to have the right answer.
xoxo,
Betty
It's not easy to always say what you want to say. I have been on the other end and just need someone to tell me to make the hard decision, give me options or just listen.
I have a hard time with bad news or news that requires a little bit of waiting. For example, your friend just took the exam that will change her career plans, and she is waiting anxiously for the results but you know she was partying the night before the test. Do you say, "Hey, I know you are going to pass!" or "Well, if you don't pass, we'll know why. You shouldn't have had that last tequila shot at Suzy's birthday party! Better luck next time!"
I have been blamed in the past for not saying the right thing. It's tough because I am always a person people turn to for advice. Friends will come to me for relationship, career and family advice. But when someone is sick or has received bad health news, I freeze. When you know someone is at the hospital, you say, "I'll keep you in my prayers" but that sometimes doesn't sound genuine to me. I know a lot of people who say those specific words and don't pray!! Parenting issues is also a tricky one. Offering parenting advice to other parents isn't easy. I can write a suggestion but I can never talk out a suggestion as sensitive to health or parenting without going over it in my head hours later. Did I say the right thing? Will she hate me? There is something about typing out an email and hitting that delete button over and over again and reviewing your words on the screen, but once you say words out loud-there is no way of taking them back.
Here is one thing I learned the hard way: Sometimes it's better not to say anything at all. Just listen. When friends complain, cry, or are exasperated with a concern, sometimes they just want you to listen. It isn't easy either but you will learn a lot about yourself as well. My advice isn't professional, spiritual or anything else, so who is to say it is good advice?
"I don't know what to say and I'm sorry. I am sending you positive thoughts and will call you tomorrow to see how you are doing". Those are my new words for tough situations. I am learning I don't always say the right thing and I don't always have to have the right answer.
xoxo,
Betty
What's in a Name?
Today we are celebrating the birth of my cousin Brenda's baby boy, Damian. With today's technology, I had the play by play on her decision to be induced, to her trip to the hospital, to the time of the 8cm dilation and pictures and video of the new baby boy via text, Facebook and the old fashioned telephone call. I was super excited and I kept asking my cousin Yvette about the baby's name. She must have told me five times in the last three months that the baby boy will be named Damian. I couldn't believe it was so different and even expressed my preference for other names. Today, I still sent her a message this morning confirming the spelling of Damian and to make sure I didn't miss a middle name. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it and had a revelation. There was a clear indication that our extended 60+ Roman family was moving on from the common names such as Jesus (we have 4 in the Roman family), Jose (2 including a Maria Jose) and Maria (5 that I know of). Oh, but this does not even compare to my husband Jose's Banda side of the family!!! Forget about the names, you also have to memorize the typical Mexican nicknames.
When I first met Jose, I met a lot of his family with nicknames such as Baby, Bibi, Panchito, La Bola, and he himself was known as Chepe (you know, because Jose isn't short enough). There was also a Charlie and it seemed weird to me that this cousin had such an American name. There was also a Paco and I have a cousin Paco so that was normal. But names such as Kako for a Ruben really surprised me as I struggled to keep everyone straight. His sister Gloria Melissa was just "Meli" but when I call her at work, I don't know who to ask for!! Or I have to double check when I send out a dirty email that it doesn't go to her mother, my mother-in-law who is also Gloria!!!
This weekend, Jose had a real good laugh as I was preparing the guest list for his parent's 40th Anniversary Surprise Party. I kept asking questions like, "Who is Juan Fransisco?" and he would say, "um, Panchito?" Oh. Then, "Who is Juan Carlos?" He replied, "That would be Bibi". But isn't Carlos Alberto really Charlie? And then, ""Who is the other Juan? Juan Alberto?" "BOLA!!!!" He couldn't believe that I couldn't keep the names straight. I continued deciphering between Juan Manuel (Tio Mane is how I know him) and then there's Jorge Manuel and 2 Francisco Antonios!!!!
We were guilty as well when naming our little boy Diego Antonio. Jose is Jose Antonio because Jose's grandfather was Antonio and Jose really wanted to honor his grandfather by giving Diego the middle name. We later found out that a Don Diego was a great-great grandfather and even a mayor of Cerritos, San Luis Potosi. Oh, this had the Banda family jumping for joy although I didn't honor that poor man on purspose! I guess it is what it is and I am kind of proud that Don Diego was so important to the town and to the family.
In all the Velascos, Romans, Bandas and Galvans, I haven't heard of a Damian and it was refreshing to hear Damian. Just Damian. Although it is honorable, meaningful and touching to name our children after our ancestors, it is also nice to hear something different and unique. We don't want to forget where we came from and at the same time, like Juliet said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." A Roman is still a Roman. From the girl who grew up with one cousin Chuy, one Tio Chupis one Tio Chucho and 2 Abuelitos Jesus, let's think of a little apodo for the little Damian...
xoxo,
Betty
When I first met Jose, I met a lot of his family with nicknames such as Baby, Bibi, Panchito, La Bola, and he himself was known as Chepe (you know, because Jose isn't short enough). There was also a Charlie and it seemed weird to me that this cousin had such an American name. There was also a Paco and I have a cousin Paco so that was normal. But names such as Kako for a Ruben really surprised me as I struggled to keep everyone straight. His sister Gloria Melissa was just "Meli" but when I call her at work, I don't know who to ask for!! Or I have to double check when I send out a dirty email that it doesn't go to her mother, my mother-in-law who is also Gloria!!!
This weekend, Jose had a real good laugh as I was preparing the guest list for his parent's 40th Anniversary Surprise Party. I kept asking questions like, "Who is Juan Fransisco?" and he would say, "um, Panchito?" Oh. Then, "Who is Juan Carlos?" He replied, "That would be Bibi". But isn't Carlos Alberto really Charlie? And then, ""Who is the other Juan? Juan Alberto?" "BOLA!!!!" He couldn't believe that I couldn't keep the names straight. I continued deciphering between Juan Manuel (Tio Mane is how I know him) and then there's Jorge Manuel and 2 Francisco Antonios!!!!
We were guilty as well when naming our little boy Diego Antonio. Jose is Jose Antonio because Jose's grandfather was Antonio and Jose really wanted to honor his grandfather by giving Diego the middle name. We later found out that a Don Diego was a great-great grandfather and even a mayor of Cerritos, San Luis Potosi. Oh, this had the Banda family jumping for joy although I didn't honor that poor man on purspose! I guess it is what it is and I am kind of proud that Don Diego was so important to the town and to the family.
In all the Velascos, Romans, Bandas and Galvans, I haven't heard of a Damian and it was refreshing to hear Damian. Just Damian. Although it is honorable, meaningful and touching to name our children after our ancestors, it is also nice to hear something different and unique. We don't want to forget where we came from and at the same time, like Juliet said, "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." A Roman is still a Roman. From the girl who grew up with one cousin Chuy, one Tio Chupis one Tio Chucho and 2 Abuelitos Jesus, let's think of a little apodo for the little Damian...
xoxo,
Betty
