Papeles

When I was younger and working on my career I knew that if one day I wanted to stay at home with my kids it would be my choice. After all, I became independent at a very young age with a father that encouraged me to fend for myself but demanded that I study and have a career. He and my mother wanted me to be strong, educated and prepared.
When I married Jose 5 years ago, we didn't discuss what we would do when we decided to have kids. I followed him to New York though and thought, that they option of having my mother help us with kids would be out of the question...our families live in Chicago. We didn't think about it and had a blast as a single and young couple in NYC. When the opportunity for him to take a position in Tokyo came about, I thought it would be exciting, adventurous and a great opportunity for him. Jose told me that I didn't have to work if I didn't want to, there was no pressure for me to contribute monetarily into our relationship because I was supporting him in a completely different level. I am not the type to sit around and not seize opportunity so the same weekend we arrived, I posted my resume on the "Gaijin Pot" and had an interview for a teaching position at an international preschool that following week. Two weeks after I accepted the position as co-teacher for Bumblebees (18month-24 month class) and head teacher for the Crickets (a 3 year old afternoon class) I found out that I was pregnant.
The news came as a surprise because we both agreed in New York (about 6 months before we moved to Tokyo) that we were ready to become parents and if were to be so lucky to get pregnant-great! But with the stress of moving to Japan, we forgot all about it and were surprised it happened so quickly.
I taught up to the 6 weeks before I gave birth to gorgeous, little Diego and couldn't even consider going back to work. We were living in Japan without family and we both agreed it would be best for me to stay home. I remember telling my Japanese friend, Mari that I was really scared. I was always super busy, handling up to 3 jobs at a time simply because I had many interests and with my teaching salary, I enjoyed making extra money to travel and support myself. I was scared that I would be bored but after sharing those precious but long first days with Diego on my own, I thought, "Is this it for me? I'm just supposed to live in Asia, away from my family and friends, and follow my husband around and raise children? What about everything I worked for?" It's been a little over 2 years now and I discuss this issue with my girlfriends a lot (they are probably so sick of it!) but I came to the conclusion that this is what it is for now and that I am happy and soon I will get back out there and try to change the world one student at a time. But little reminders and different opinions are always refreshing.
Today I watched a really great Larry King (CNN, I tell ya) that reminded me that we (women) are worth what we personally value ourselves. If we don't believe in ourselves, no one will. It was a great discussion on self-worth that caught my attention and I quickly hit the record button on my DVR to watch during quiet time. I was really impressed by Lisa Nichols, a motivational speaker and author of "No Matter What" who reiterated the idea that we are always looking for validation. Women often think that it is not enough to be "just" a mother or "just" a wife. We need to accept it, work on those relationships as hard as you worked for your spot in the corporate office, or teaching classroom or as the head pastry chef in the hot kitchen. Once we have accepted and shoot for success in our roles as mothers and wives, we need to realize that those roles don't complete us and must find other outlets that compliment us. My girlfriends and I, Latinas, White, Black and Asian, are so incredibly lucky to have the options that some of our mothers didn't have. The simple fact that we can continue to educate ourselves while we are at home with our kids, or work from home and simply have the right to decide for ourselves what we wish to do during transitions in our life is fantastic.
I felt so refreshed after watching this Larry King episode because as I have written previously, Jose is in London and when he is gone, I fall into the dumps a little bit but look for and find the "signs" that snap me back and remind me how truly lucky but strong I have become. Thanks Larry!
xoxo,
Betty