18 Again

I carefully selected my outfit on Saturday morning. I wanted to look good, but not like I was trying too hard. The day was cool, windy and cloudy. Not a great day to meet outside but it was the first date and we chose a public spot. Despite my nervousness, I didn’t want to bail because I was really looking forward to this day. I kept glancing at my phone. I was waiting for a text message. Thinking, “Is it too early to confirm?” I avoided Jose’s looks. I didn’t want him to notice my anxiety. I gave him a brush of a kiss goodbye and left the house quickly, avoiding further conversation. On the way there I thought, “Would we hit it off? I hope we have things in common. The day we met, we seemed to really get along. I hope she really likes me!”
Yes, friends, “I hope she really likes me”. I feel like I’m dating again! Diego and I were on our way to the first play date at the park and I was so nervous I forgot his snack and his hat! But please don’t feel sorry for me! I don’t want to seem desperate. It just takes a lot of work these days to make friends.
Most of you already know that we have moved around a bit and have come back to the States, but not our home town. Making new friends is never easy! It is even harder to make friends if you are an adult! Back in Tokyo, I was fortunate enough to be working while I was pregnant. Work=instant friends (not with all but some). For example, Jose made a good friend at work whose wife was pregnant and there you go…instant friends. We then attended a childbirth class and met the cutest couple. We shared so many things in common …instant friends. It’s not so easy anymore.
Women who are married to expats in foreign countries usually don’t work. They have put their careers on hold because it isn’t so easy to attain a working visa in a foreign country. So when you arrive, there are loads of women sitting at the park or taking the kids to Gymboree, just waiting to bombard you with questions about your child, your husband, and your country. You find things in common, if you like each other…instant friends. If not, don’t worry, there are plenty more at another park or another class!
Not so much here. I joked around to Jose and some of his single guy friends (we do have single and childless friends in New York) that I was going to write a book titled, “I Have 289 Friends on Facebook-Yet I’m So Lonely” they laughed. I almost cried.
So, it’s been about 3 months that we moved here and I know that it takes time. A lot of women work here, including my childhood friend, Ofelia, let’s just say I know a lot of the nannies in my neighborhood!
But Saturday went well! This girl I met is really sweet, Latina, a teacher and also from out of town. Her son is a few months younger than Diego and they played really well together… AND, she doesn’t work either! I’m hoping for…instant friendship but as Socrates once said, “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant”. It’s not easy making friends, they come with responsibility, commitment and a lot of effort. But one needs friends to survive, especially in a new place. Sometimes it’s effortless and you can spot another lonely soul at the grocery store struggling with her 2 year old, sometimes it’s not obvious but I just smile, hold my chin up and keep on enjoying what I do have…I call the friends I already have (with kids or without).
Xoxo,
Betty