What is a feminist? I would personally describe her (or him) as a person who defends equal rights for women. I would say that one doesn't have to be socially active or label oneself as a feminist (I wouldn't necessarily pick feminist as an adjective to describe myself) to be one. I also don't reject the description if someone called me a feminist. I appreciate all the hard work, blood and tears women before me sacrificed so that I could be able to be what I want to be...but a stay at home mom (SAHM)? Is that a good choice for a a feminist? Would a hard-core feminist approve?
I have been recenly annoyed during the Republican debates but more so when women's issues come along as a topic. Mitt Romney said, "Contraceptions are working just fine. Leave it alone". I believe he meant it because I believe he really doesn't care about what women choose to do to with their bodies. Yet, because he is a Republican, just like many, he has to say he is pro-life. Are there really any candidates out there that are pro-choice AND a Republican? The Huffington Post recently wrote that "All eight major contenders for the Republican nomination are vehemently anti-abortion". I just don't buy it and I don't vote Republican because of this issue. Does this make me a defender of women's rights? Does this make me a feminist then? But, I'm a SAHM...
Besides my daily duties of feeding the children, driving my oldest to school, grocery shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking and so on, I also do all of this for my husband. I will soon be doing all of this for a house full of boys as I am currently expecting my third son. I don't work outside our home, I am college educated and had a career at one point, but I gave it all up for my husband's career that took him (us) out to Tokyo. I delivered my first, Diego, in Japan and because I had no family out there, completely alone, I decided to dedicate myself to solely raise our son. I saw the benefits of staying at home, Diego was thriving, happy, and soon I decided I would invest at least 5 years to each child. But I'm also doing it for my husband. Do I still qualify as a feminist? I make my husband's life easier. He comes home, there is food on the stove, a stocked refrigerator with his favorite beer, wine to unwind, clean clothes, and the car maintaned. He takes out the garbage every night, loads the dishwasher, puts Diego to bed, and he's done! But, he manages our finances, gets up every time if there is a crying child, and is a super hands-on dad. He is loving to me and my best friend. I consider us equals and he does too.
Jose is working late tonight so I stopped for a minute to tuck Diego into bed just now and he's almost five and he has tons of comments and questions. He says to me, "I have to marry someone who is shorter than me." Let's just say I couldn't run back to the computer to finish my thoughts here right away. I may or may not be a feminist to some, but I am going to raise my sons to respect women, be gentlemen, have open minds, be accepting and loving, understand equality...just like my husband.
As I asked others SAHMs what their take was on this topic, my friend Celeste said, "a SAHM is the ultimate matriarch of the modern feminist movement. I consider it more of a career choice than anything else. It's by far the hardest thing a woman can do." Growing up I knew that I wanted to give my children what my mother offered as a SAHM but my only problem with my mom's choice was that she never prepared herself for anything else. She depended on my dad for everything and as soon as we grew up and were out of the house, she really didn't have anything left to do but continue to care for my dad and their house. I knew I wanted the independence, to show my children that I could do anything else, that I could go back to school, back to work, or not. I agree with Celeste that choosing to be a SAHM is so modern and a continuation for the fight of equal rights. I'm sorry my mom didn't have the choice I have but because of her and her sacrifices, I knew this was a natural path for me. In some ways, she was part of the early feminist movement. Her Mexican culture and family had expectations of her to stay home and raise a family. She didn't have many choices as a recent immigrant to this country. My mother always talked to me about my options, to make the right choices, que me prepare...what an inspiration.
I would love to know what single women think of the subject. My thoughts are everywhere right now as feminism is such a broad topic. I didn't talk about the hard (or boring) days I have and how things can get mundane pretty fast and I also didn't mention working-moms (hats off to you!) perspectives. More to come.
xoxo
I have had the amazing opportunity to work with personal trainer Jackie Castillo at Can Do Fitness here in Short Hills since week #7 of my pregnancy. These pictures are of week #22. She has me working!!!
