I cried at yoga today. Now I'm laughing about it. Nothing happened. No muscles pulled by doing downward facing dog and I didn't fall on my face while attempting warrior 3. At the end of a yoga class, in the final relaxation pose I became overwhelmed. It was an amazing class and my body felt great and I was simply grateful...
The holidays are over and everyone knows that January is a hump month. The month that is disliked by many. No holidays involving gifts...poor January. It's smacked in the middle between Christmas and Valentine's Day. March isn't great either but Spring brings us hope...good weather and flowers!! Poor January is cold and everyone is broke and fat.
The good thing about feeling cold, broke and fat is that everyone is ready to look good for the summer, to save for trips and to lose weight for the skimpy clothes. January brings goals, fresh starts and diets. People (although a little grumpy in the dark mornings) have new outlooks and those that don't plan for themselves...get stuck in a rut.
My message today is...don't get stuck in a rut. Plan for yourself first this year. Take that cooking class you've been meaning to take. Plan that vacation abroad!! Volunteer your time to the less fortunate! I'm here to cheer you on!!! And don't be afraid at what someone will say about your new adventure!!
I sometimes feel that I may come off flaky when I say that I want to do this or that. Since I started writing this blog last April, I have made a few attempts at a couple of things that have now been long forgotten. Remember when I was playing tennis? How about baking? Um, I never made it past baking the same recipe for chocoate chip cookies (did it 3 times). How about the time I took my photography class in Singapore? I still love it but decided to take writing classes now. See? I may seem a little bit flaky or at least like I don't know what I want to do. Now, I'm taking yoga as well (2 months now) I am even learning how to do a head stand in class!! Oh, and I'm really into making soups this month. I have made 4 different types from scratch. AND, I fell off the wagon from my vegetarianism and now I'm back on track (11 days-no meat).
Through yoga I am deciding that I will not get stuck in a rut. I'm not usually a complainer but I've gone through a few couple of stressful things that can keep me down and unhealthy. Recently, a very close person to me had a little bit of a nervous breakdown. This was one of the scariest things I have ever lived through. It still isn't easy for me to talk about but I wonder how her life would have been different if she did a little soul searching? It's not to say that you'll go crazy if you don't stay engaged. You may go crazy thinking you need to be engaged so that you don't go crazy! My point is that we are forever in the pursuit of fresh starts and new goals but when you look around, everyone is doing the same thing! We have to think outside the box because sometimes going to the gym isn't for everyone. Going back to school isn't for everyone. For some, opening up a new book, going out a little bit more, staying in a bit more may do the trick. Sleeping more or sleeping less for others. Whatever. You have to find the right fit for you. You have to get over the humps of life. Januarys or Wednesdays. Breakups or a health scare. We gotta plow through doing the things we think we love...or until it's found. And if not, I'll always be the best chocolate chip cookie maker that can hit to just the wall in tennis and can do a mean headstand. I'll keep giving myself new goals and I'll continue to be grateful.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Don't forget to share with me your new adventures for this year!
Remember to Forget
In reply to Maggie’s question: “Can you forgive but really forget?”
Some days my heart literally aches when I think of certain memories. I feel the emptiness in my chest, my heart being tugged in an enormous hole. Some days I can still feel the sadness even in an environment surrounded by true, genuine love and happiness. Sometimes it takes days for me to forget after the pain is resurfaced from the years having passed. And some days, it’s one, two or three different past and painful situations wrapped up together inside my head: remembering.
As we get older, man, it piles up! Different painful situations from different relationships start to add up. The pain that one suffered gets intensified as relationships develop or as relationships expand. Intensified in the sense that we learn to brace ourselves for emotional pain to come or heightened because after years of trying to forget, we don’t and now we’re just messed up! Perhaps after the forgiving, the forgetting doesn’t happen because it is impossible to have the reminders in our face literally every day in many different ways.
I’m not sure what Maggie was referring to. Perhaps her sister stole her favorite purse. Or perhaps her vet misdiagnosed her dog. It could be anything. But let’s talk about the most common “forgive and forget” scenario. Cheating. Two-timing. Infidelity. And let’s take Tiger Woods for lack of better example. Do we really expect hundreds, or thousand, maybe even millions of women to “forget” their husbands or boyfriends cheated when they are bombarded by the Tiger Woods scandal? His face is on every magazine at the check-out counters of the supermarkets! Everyone on the radio is talking about him and everyone on TV has an opinion, a justification, or a psychological answer to Tiger’s behavior. If something like this has happened to you, how in the world can you forget when it’s all we can talk about? I find it impossible to believe that old wounds are not opened for many, many women…err, people when our society partakes in a global discussion.
No, I don’t think you can forgive and forget. I believe you can forgive but not forget. Whether it was a stolen purse or a bad vet, every time you see a purse or a dog, you most probably think of the situation. So I believe, what needs to be done is a need to take care of you and how to handle that “not-forgetting” little situation we have on our hands. The forgiving is personal for everyone (and I won’t touch on that assuming that Maggie has forgiven, however her journey). The “not-forgetting” can bring out the “uglies”-horrible moods, anger, depression, and earfuls for the girlfriends who were oh-so-over it many years ago. This is not attractive behavior. So we must combat the root of a new problem after the original problem: us. I hear prayer works for a lot of people and a nice cocktail for even more (I kid, I kid)! Counseling and therapy is a great idea and in vogue as it is now widely accepted, if not, encouraged. For me, yoga does the trick. I feel so refreshed, spiritual and calm that those memories get tucked back at my lowest chakra until something like a la Tiger-humongous-jumbo reminder comes to bring it back out.
Jokes aside, if someone asks for forgiveness or didn’t but you decide it’s time to forgive in order to move on; forgetting is our own and another responsibility right? We need to realize and remember that forgetting is a life-long process. My heart will continue to be tugged and ringed by the past, but my mind must be at peace to accept the present.
Xoxo,
Betty
Some days my heart literally aches when I think of certain memories. I feel the emptiness in my chest, my heart being tugged in an enormous hole. Some days I can still feel the sadness even in an environment surrounded by true, genuine love and happiness. Sometimes it takes days for me to forget after the pain is resurfaced from the years having passed. And some days, it’s one, two or three different past and painful situations wrapped up together inside my head: remembering.
As we get older, man, it piles up! Different painful situations from different relationships start to add up. The pain that one suffered gets intensified as relationships develop or as relationships expand. Intensified in the sense that we learn to brace ourselves for emotional pain to come or heightened because after years of trying to forget, we don’t and now we’re just messed up! Perhaps after the forgiving, the forgetting doesn’t happen because it is impossible to have the reminders in our face literally every day in many different ways.
I’m not sure what Maggie was referring to. Perhaps her sister stole her favorite purse. Or perhaps her vet misdiagnosed her dog. It could be anything. But let’s talk about the most common “forgive and forget” scenario. Cheating. Two-timing. Infidelity. And let’s take Tiger Woods for lack of better example. Do we really expect hundreds, or thousand, maybe even millions of women to “forget” their husbands or boyfriends cheated when they are bombarded by the Tiger Woods scandal? His face is on every magazine at the check-out counters of the supermarkets! Everyone on the radio is talking about him and everyone on TV has an opinion, a justification, or a psychological answer to Tiger’s behavior. If something like this has happened to you, how in the world can you forget when it’s all we can talk about? I find it impossible to believe that old wounds are not opened for many, many women…err, people when our society partakes in a global discussion.
No, I don’t think you can forgive and forget. I believe you can forgive but not forget. Whether it was a stolen purse or a bad vet, every time you see a purse or a dog, you most probably think of the situation. So I believe, what needs to be done is a need to take care of you and how to handle that “not-forgetting” little situation we have on our hands. The forgiving is personal for everyone (and I won’t touch on that assuming that Maggie has forgiven, however her journey). The “not-forgetting” can bring out the “uglies”-horrible moods, anger, depression, and earfuls for the girlfriends who were oh-so-over it many years ago. This is not attractive behavior. So we must combat the root of a new problem after the original problem: us. I hear prayer works for a lot of people and a nice cocktail for even more (I kid, I kid)! Counseling and therapy is a great idea and in vogue as it is now widely accepted, if not, encouraged. For me, yoga does the trick. I feel so refreshed, spiritual and calm that those memories get tucked back at my lowest chakra until something like a la Tiger-humongous-jumbo reminder comes to bring it back out.
Jokes aside, if someone asks for forgiveness or didn’t but you decide it’s time to forgive in order to move on; forgetting is our own and another responsibility right? We need to realize and remember that forgetting is a life-long process. My heart will continue to be tugged and ringed by the past, but my mind must be at peace to accept the present.
Xoxo,
Betty
I Heart NY
Reasons why I heart NY:
1) Everyone wants to be here. Tourists, tourists everywhere!
2) Because the man on the subway platform singing and playing “Wild Horses” on his guitar can teach my son many things.
3) Because I can hear English, Spanish, and Japanese in one block.
4) Because I can walk everywhere and listen to the English, Spanish and Japanese…
5) Because there is inspiration everywhere.
6) The graffiti.
7) The architecture.
8) Book stores that are not the big Bs.
9) Coffee shops that are not the big S.
10) Celebrity sightings with no one taking pictures of them.
11) The best food from hot dogs to farmer markets to world renowned cuisine.
12) Recent history. Good and bad.
13) Because I can add to this list.
xoxo,
Betty
1) Everyone wants to be here. Tourists, tourists everywhere!
2) Because the man on the subway platform singing and playing “Wild Horses” on his guitar can teach my son many things.
3) Because I can hear English, Spanish, and Japanese in one block.
4) Because I can walk everywhere and listen to the English, Spanish and Japanese…
5) Because there is inspiration everywhere.
6) The graffiti.
7) The architecture.
8) Book stores that are not the big Bs.
9) Coffee shops that are not the big S.
10) Celebrity sightings with no one taking pictures of them.
11) The best food from hot dogs to farmer markets to world renowned cuisine.
12) Recent history. Good and bad.
13) Because I can add to this list.
xoxo,
Betty
Exceptional Indulgences
Ah, the end of the year! People are running around buying gifts, decorating their homes, travelling and sending best wishes. Little children are on their best behavior, whispering sweet wishes to Santa and if you live in the city, doormen and supers of your building are extra, extra nice.
Me? I’m indulging. Sweets everywhere! A gift for grandma=a gift for me! Jose has a company party so I have an extra 3 hours to myself on the weekend! Eating out, ordering in, dinner parties- wine, wine and more wine! It doesn’t stop but I LOVE it. The only problem is that back in October, I decided to become a vegetarian (more on that later). Up until Thanksgiving, I did really well (except for the time I snuck in a single croqueta de pollo). I had planned on eating turkey with Jose and Diego and gave myself a pass. Not much of a vegetarian you say? Not really, I’m still eating seafood. So no chicken or red meat for 2 months except those 2 little things that crossed my way. I even made it to Chicago for four days without eating meat!!! I thought I was doing well but then Jose’s birthday rolled around and he really wanted to have steak (we didn’t) and now Christmas in Chicago is coming and I am already giving up before I even try to not give in and eat meat!
This time of year people talk a lot about forgiveness, peace, love and compassion but what about these things for us, personally? I’m not going to beat myself up during the holidays for eating meat. I love meat. I have a few reasons why I’m giving up meat. A couple of these reasons: animal cruelty and pollution. I have come to the conclusion in the last two and half months that I am not going to single handedly stop factory farms or clean the air, but I will try to be intelligent and well read when people ask me why I decided to become a vegetarian. I’m getting there. S L O W L Y. Not much of a vegetarian you say? It’s okay. “Tis the Season” to forgive me! So, I’m not beating myself up and I also don’t want to turn away that delicious carne de puerco en salsita verde or the gorditas de chorizo that my mother-in-law will be making. I’m indulging only in situations like this. I will continue to focus on my goals as a future vegetarian and be at peace…with myself.
Xoxo,
Betty
Update: I wrote this yesterday and today I had some time to continue reading “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer. It was an awakening reminder and confirmation on my decision to become a vegetarian. I won’t be at peace with myself if I make exceptions or can justify every time I eat meat. Holidays or not, I’m going to really, really try. I’ll just have more wine and chocolate! :-) I'll keep you posted.
Me? I’m indulging. Sweets everywhere! A gift for grandma=a gift for me! Jose has a company party so I have an extra 3 hours to myself on the weekend! Eating out, ordering in, dinner parties- wine, wine and more wine! It doesn’t stop but I LOVE it. The only problem is that back in October, I decided to become a vegetarian (more on that later). Up until Thanksgiving, I did really well (except for the time I snuck in a single croqueta de pollo). I had planned on eating turkey with Jose and Diego and gave myself a pass. Not much of a vegetarian you say? Not really, I’m still eating seafood. So no chicken or red meat for 2 months except those 2 little things that crossed my way. I even made it to Chicago for four days without eating meat!!! I thought I was doing well but then Jose’s birthday rolled around and he really wanted to have steak (we didn’t) and now Christmas in Chicago is coming and I am already giving up before I even try to not give in and eat meat!
This time of year people talk a lot about forgiveness, peace, love and compassion but what about these things for us, personally? I’m not going to beat myself up during the holidays for eating meat. I love meat. I have a few reasons why I’m giving up meat. A couple of these reasons: animal cruelty and pollution. I have come to the conclusion in the last two and half months that I am not going to single handedly stop factory farms or clean the air, but I will try to be intelligent and well read when people ask me why I decided to become a vegetarian. I’m getting there. S L O W L Y. Not much of a vegetarian you say? It’s okay. “Tis the Season” to forgive me! So, I’m not beating myself up and I also don’t want to turn away that delicious carne de puerco en salsita verde or the gorditas de chorizo that my mother-in-law will be making. I’m indulging only in situations like this. I will continue to focus on my goals as a future vegetarian and be at peace…with myself.
Xoxo,
Betty
Update: I wrote this yesterday and today I had some time to continue reading “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer. It was an awakening reminder and confirmation on my decision to become a vegetarian. I won’t be at peace with myself if I make exceptions or can justify every time I eat meat. Holidays or not, I’m going to really, really try. I’ll just have more wine and chocolate! :-) I'll keep you posted.
What Comes after Babies?
The list: 1)Crush. 2)First kiss. 3)Boyfriend/Girlfriend. 4)Engagement. 5)Wedding. 6)Babies... 7)uh....7) hmmm? Babies and then what?
There is so much to look forward to when one is going through the rights of passage. I am sure everyone can remember their first crush and of course their first kiss. Boyfriends come and go and it was so much fun to date (well not all the time...). Engagements and weddings are documented by photographers and videographers and those events also come and go so fast. When the babies start coming...showers and gifts and sleeping through the night and first steps...but then what? Sure there is so much to look forward to when it comes to your child but what about your partner? The one that stood outside your door clutching a bouquet of flowers before taking you out on a date. The one that stood at the altar and brought your first baby to your lips. What happens when you accomplish items 1-6 on your list and you are only in your mid- thirties? What happens when there is no number 7 and no roll around in the sack anymore? (or not as often, at least!) And no tickles here and no tickles there? We are having this discussion in our early 30s? Why are we so tired? Why are we wearing the ugliest pj's at night, sitting on separate couches and going to bed at different times than our husbands? We need to spice it up.
My girlfriends and I just had a discussion on how tired we are at the end of the night and how guilty we feel. We agreed that men never seem to be tired when it comes to sex. Really, if you enticed them every single night, do some say no??? Not our guys!! It was also interesting that a couple of girlfriends who are single mentioned that we need to buck up (haha) and start treating our men a little better. I'm not an expert, but perhaps the excitement of "preying" on men when you are single makes the daily grind (I'm cracking myself up) seem much more enticing? Let me compare sex to food. When you go to a buffet, you pick a little here and a little there and "oooohh, there's some fried chicken I haven't had in a while so I'm going to devour that with some mashed potatoes!" And then there are situations where you have to cook everyday and it's cold pizza for the 3rd day in a row. See single ladies, you just get to pick from the vast variety and if tomorrow you need a little corn to go with that chicken and mashed potatoes, you are going to eat. The rest of us married ladies...we need to add some crushed pepper on that pizza.
Now that the single ladies understand the difference in eating (really...) we need to talk to the married ladies with the kids on how to spice it up again. Again, I am not an expert but I have heard and they say that communication is key. We need to talk to our partners in order to get into bed with them. Make it exciting again. But what should we talk about? This is what Jose and I do: once a week (or every two weeks if the budget is tight) we go out alone. We don't ever go to a movie or a bowling alley, we go have dinner and sit right in front of each other and talk. I nag. He talks about work. I nag. We drink. He talks about sports. I tell him about a book I'm reading. We talk about Diego. We drink. We drink some more. We eat. We talk about the people in the restaurant. We laugh. We gossip. We laugh some more.We walk home. We get home and then...well you get the picture. But it can't just be twice a month right? No it can't.
This is where it really gets hard (I really can't help myself). Ladies: bring out the lingerie during the week. Men: bring home that bottle of wine. Ladies: Plan a special dinner for the two when the baby is off to bed. Men: Help out around the house for Christ's sake! Women are not superhuman with extraordinary powers. Help her help you! Ladies: Ask him about his day. Try not to mention that your mother called and cousin Juanito got arrested again. Ladies: MAKE TIME FOR YOU and go and get a massage, a pedicure, feel feminine. And don't tell me you can't afford it cause all you have to do is make your own coffee for a week. Men: put the toilet seat down, trim those nose hairs and get a facial. Yes, facials for men are okay! And Men: please don't ignore your wife the whole evening and then start kissing her when 11pm rolls around.
Sacrifices. Forcing ourselves to do things we don't normally do or want to do. We force ourselves to do things for our kids, our parents, our sibling and friends. Why not our partners? As I stated before, I'm no expert and I really need to follow my own advice. Ever since we moved back to the States I can't seem to get myself out of the funk. I'm tired. Exhausted actually and my mood is so foul that Jose has to check it by calling before walking in the door. Usually it's a negative. When things are good...oh they are sooo good. So why not give it a go a little more often? Give yourself something to look forward to like number 7: Yummy love.
What other advice would you give to those who need a little kick?
xoxo,
Betty
There is so much to look forward to when one is going through the rights of passage. I am sure everyone can remember their first crush and of course their first kiss. Boyfriends come and go and it was so much fun to date (well not all the time...). Engagements and weddings are documented by photographers and videographers and those events also come and go so fast. When the babies start coming...showers and gifts and sleeping through the night and first steps...but then what? Sure there is so much to look forward to when it comes to your child but what about your partner? The one that stood outside your door clutching a bouquet of flowers before taking you out on a date. The one that stood at the altar and brought your first baby to your lips. What happens when you accomplish items 1-6 on your list and you are only in your mid- thirties? What happens when there is no number 7 and no roll around in the sack anymore? (or not as often, at least!) And no tickles here and no tickles there? We are having this discussion in our early 30s? Why are we so tired? Why are we wearing the ugliest pj's at night, sitting on separate couches and going to bed at different times than our husbands? We need to spice it up.
My girlfriends and I just had a discussion on how tired we are at the end of the night and how guilty we feel. We agreed that men never seem to be tired when it comes to sex. Really, if you enticed them every single night, do some say no??? Not our guys!! It was also interesting that a couple of girlfriends who are single mentioned that we need to buck up (haha) and start treating our men a little better. I'm not an expert, but perhaps the excitement of "preying" on men when you are single makes the daily grind (I'm cracking myself up) seem much more enticing? Let me compare sex to food. When you go to a buffet, you pick a little here and a little there and "oooohh, there's some fried chicken I haven't had in a while so I'm going to devour that with some mashed potatoes!" And then there are situations where you have to cook everyday and it's cold pizza for the 3rd day in a row. See single ladies, you just get to pick from the vast variety and if tomorrow you need a little corn to go with that chicken and mashed potatoes, you are going to eat. The rest of us married ladies...we need to add some crushed pepper on that pizza.
Now that the single ladies understand the difference in eating (really...) we need to talk to the married ladies with the kids on how to spice it up again. Again, I am not an expert but I have heard and they say that communication is key. We need to talk to our partners in order to get into bed with them. Make it exciting again. But what should we talk about? This is what Jose and I do: once a week (or every two weeks if the budget is tight) we go out alone. We don't ever go to a movie or a bowling alley, we go have dinner and sit right in front of each other and talk. I nag. He talks about work. I nag. We drink. He talks about sports. I tell him about a book I'm reading. We talk about Diego. We drink. We drink some more. We eat. We talk about the people in the restaurant. We laugh. We gossip. We laugh some more.We walk home. We get home and then...well you get the picture. But it can't just be twice a month right? No it can't.
This is where it really gets hard (I really can't help myself). Ladies: bring out the lingerie during the week. Men: bring home that bottle of wine. Ladies: Plan a special dinner for the two when the baby is off to bed. Men: Help out around the house for Christ's sake! Women are not superhuman with extraordinary powers. Help her help you! Ladies: Ask him about his day. Try not to mention that your mother called and cousin Juanito got arrested again. Ladies: MAKE TIME FOR YOU and go and get a massage, a pedicure, feel feminine. And don't tell me you can't afford it cause all you have to do is make your own coffee for a week. Men: put the toilet seat down, trim those nose hairs and get a facial. Yes, facials for men are okay! And Men: please don't ignore your wife the whole evening and then start kissing her when 11pm rolls around.
Sacrifices. Forcing ourselves to do things we don't normally do or want to do. We force ourselves to do things for our kids, our parents, our sibling and friends. Why not our partners? As I stated before, I'm no expert and I really need to follow my own advice. Ever since we moved back to the States I can't seem to get myself out of the funk. I'm tired. Exhausted actually and my mood is so foul that Jose has to check it by calling before walking in the door. Usually it's a negative. When things are good...oh they are sooo good. So why not give it a go a little more often? Give yourself something to look forward to like number 7: Yummy love.
What other advice would you give to those who need a little kick?
xoxo,
Betty
Latino-American Enough?
Last night Jose and I attended the pre-screening for CNN's Soledad O'Brien's "Latinos in America" here in New York City. Jose was invited by the Association of Latino Professionals in Finance and Accounting (ALPFA). The group hosted the event in one of the World Financial Buildings and Merrill Lynch offices. I was really excited to attend and noticed the screening room full of black, brown, and white Latinos. A rainbow of Latino people and I thought to myself, "this is what New York is all about". An array of different people, every single day in the streets of New York. It was also good to see how many professional Latinos are in the business of Finance.
The screening showed little tidbits of the documentary that will be aired this Wednesday and Thursday at 9pm (Eastern time) on CNN. We saw enough to ponder over, had our hearts tugged and even shed a few tears about the many stories and many experiences Latinos have endured in America. But not all stories are sad. There are stories of Latinos who have assimilated, Latinos who are 3 or 4 generation American and their views on Latino issues and even a story about a community that is 92% Mexican-American. Watching this group was like watching a community in the most suburban of all suburbs-All American.
At the end of the screening, we had an open discussion on a broad topic, "Did the documentary resonate with us sitting in the audience? What are the obstacles that have stood in our way as ________-American or immigrants? How do we assimilate? Should we have to? And so on.
People's answers varied from a Cuban-American who works for Mayor Bloomberg that discussed education being a priority for his "strong" family to a South American girl who arrived 8 years ago, now works for a reputable Wall Street firm but was told by her boss to keep her mouth shut during a meeting because of her accent. Have we come a long way? Whose job is it to point out to ignorant people like the boss that an accent is just an accent?
I could feel that Jose was feeling a bit frustrated. I was too! Frustrated because we were not all going to be able to speak about our personal experiences and if heard, what now? Frustrated because we couldn't solve all the problems being discussed. Frustrated because there still seems to be a divide even within the Latino community on what should be done. There was a point brought up by another South American stating that we are not united as Latinos. We don't have a community. We segregate ourselves into Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican communities and if we didn't see ourselves as one, no one else will. But others questioned if there was a need for us to be a community of Latinos? Couldn't we just be American?
Ah, my favorite question. To this day, 3 of my best friends and I remember a huge, passionate discussion we had in Las Vegas over dinner right before going out for my bachlorette party. We were sitting in a gorgeous restaurant, I was wearing a sparkling tiara and my friends were wearing pink boas, we were the center of attention at the restaurant but not because of the sash across my chest that screamed "PARTY!" but because we were having this debate over what it meant to be an American. Four best friends, 3 born and raised in Chicago, 1 born in Mexico but immigrated at the age of 8, butting heads because not all considered themselves American. Screaming, crying and full on outrage transcending from a stunning group of girls that should have been throwing back tequila shots and dancing on table tops. The topic is delicate. But should be discussed.
Jose and I didn't share with the group but discussed on the way home what we would have said. We are in agreement that education is the number one factor in helping Latino students, all students, succeed. A strong, supportive family that doesn't think teachers are idiots or complain that Juanito has 3 hours of homework tonight, is a close second, if not a tie with factor number one to allow a student to succeed. Exposure, not being afraid to leave your community and learn about the ways of others, be it White-Americans, Black culture, Asian, you name it, is also important. Allowing our kids to taste, feel, see and experience all cultures in America, a country found by immigrants. We have to pump out our children to the rest of the world. To show what it is to be a Mexican-American, it's not much different than being plainly American. These bridges are fundamentals that all children should have and adults support. Nothing is lost by allowing yourself to experience the unknown-that algebra problem your eighth-grader brings home, reading the novel your Freshman is reading in English class, or visiting your child in Spain while abroad during college. It starts small and then you don't even think about it, living in many worlds and keeping your feet planted firmly on your own Latino roots.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Set your DVR's and watch CNN Wednesday and Thursday!!!
The screening showed little tidbits of the documentary that will be aired this Wednesday and Thursday at 9pm (Eastern time) on CNN. We saw enough to ponder over, had our hearts tugged and even shed a few tears about the many stories and many experiences Latinos have endured in America. But not all stories are sad. There are stories of Latinos who have assimilated, Latinos who are 3 or 4 generation American and their views on Latino issues and even a story about a community that is 92% Mexican-American. Watching this group was like watching a community in the most suburban of all suburbs-All American.
At the end of the screening, we had an open discussion on a broad topic, "Did the documentary resonate with us sitting in the audience? What are the obstacles that have stood in our way as ________-American or immigrants? How do we assimilate? Should we have to? And so on.
People's answers varied from a Cuban-American who works for Mayor Bloomberg that discussed education being a priority for his "strong" family to a South American girl who arrived 8 years ago, now works for a reputable Wall Street firm but was told by her boss to keep her mouth shut during a meeting because of her accent. Have we come a long way? Whose job is it to point out to ignorant people like the boss that an accent is just an accent?
I could feel that Jose was feeling a bit frustrated. I was too! Frustrated because we were not all going to be able to speak about our personal experiences and if heard, what now? Frustrated because we couldn't solve all the problems being discussed. Frustrated because there still seems to be a divide even within the Latino community on what should be done. There was a point brought up by another South American stating that we are not united as Latinos. We don't have a community. We segregate ourselves into Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican communities and if we didn't see ourselves as one, no one else will. But others questioned if there was a need for us to be a community of Latinos? Couldn't we just be American?
Ah, my favorite question. To this day, 3 of my best friends and I remember a huge, passionate discussion we had in Las Vegas over dinner right before going out for my bachlorette party. We were sitting in a gorgeous restaurant, I was wearing a sparkling tiara and my friends were wearing pink boas, we were the center of attention at the restaurant but not because of the sash across my chest that screamed "PARTY!" but because we were having this debate over what it meant to be an American. Four best friends, 3 born and raised in Chicago, 1 born in Mexico but immigrated at the age of 8, butting heads because not all considered themselves American. Screaming, crying and full on outrage transcending from a stunning group of girls that should have been throwing back tequila shots and dancing on table tops. The topic is delicate. But should be discussed.
Jose and I didn't share with the group but discussed on the way home what we would have said. We are in agreement that education is the number one factor in helping Latino students, all students, succeed. A strong, supportive family that doesn't think teachers are idiots or complain that Juanito has 3 hours of homework tonight, is a close second, if not a tie with factor number one to allow a student to succeed. Exposure, not being afraid to leave your community and learn about the ways of others, be it White-Americans, Black culture, Asian, you name it, is also important. Allowing our kids to taste, feel, see and experience all cultures in America, a country found by immigrants. We have to pump out our children to the rest of the world. To show what it is to be a Mexican-American, it's not much different than being plainly American. These bridges are fundamentals that all children should have and adults support. Nothing is lost by allowing yourself to experience the unknown-that algebra problem your eighth-grader brings home, reading the novel your Freshman is reading in English class, or visiting your child in Spain while abroad during college. It starts small and then you don't even think about it, living in many worlds and keeping your feet planted firmly on your own Latino roots.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Set your DVR's and watch CNN Wednesday and Thursday!!!
Proust Questionnaire
I love my Vanity Fair Magazine. I buy it every month and the first thing I do is flip to the back page, see what celebrity has been asked to fill out the Proust Questionnaire and I dig right in. Sometimes I'm annoyed at the vague answers, the one word answers or at the questions that were not included this month. Other times, I'm pleasantly surprised at the honesty of some answers or how elaborate the celebrity decides to be. As I read the one page article, my mind often wanders at the thought of how much time it must have taken this particular person to answer (no interview is done, the questions are often emailed to the celebrity now). Is it always really honest? Can we be honest with ourselves when we know thousands of people will be reading this? This is the problem with writing, especially if you are into sharing! How raw can it be without exposing your innermost secrets or without hurting someone you love?Marcel Proust was a novelist that loved to play a Parisian parlor game with his elite crowd. One of his friends, Antoinette Faure, and daughter of the the 19th century French president, Felix Faure, decided to keep a journal where the friends answered questions that were meant to be personal and take the "psychic measure". Proust published his answers to the questionnaire taken at age 14 and 20 and the questionnaire became popular with the masses known as the "Proust Questionnaire". Vanity Fair has taken on the game since 1993 and just recently published a book with the answers of 101 celebrities, including, Larry King, Martin Scorsese, Quincy Jones, Johnny Cash, Yoko Ono, and Ellen DeGeneres, to name a few.
I remember a bit ago that I filled out, "25 Random Things About Me" on Facebook. A lot of my friends played the game and I became a little bit obsessed with the obsession of public questionnaires. What makes us want to share the idea of perfect happiness? What makes us want to know someone's current state of mind? The parlor game must have meant to be a real conversation starter when there was no "American Idol" to discuss the following day at work. What makes public questionnaires so appealing and successful?
I won't find the answer to this question but I am good at filling out questionnaires. And I always wanted to fill out this particular one...the Proust Questionnaire. Feel free to take a few of these questions, answer them on my comment space. I'd love to read your answers too!
1)What is your idea of perfect happiness? Silence and a good book. Children laughing. Red wine and chocolate and conversation with friends.
2) What is your greatest fear? To lose someone I love. Dying without finishing what I have to do!
3) Which living person do you most admire? My father and my husband. For proving that hard work and determination gets you to places.
4) What is the trait you most deplore in others? Rudeness. Ignorance.
5) What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Impatience and talking out of turn.
6) What is your greatest extravagance? Books and a once a week cleaner!
7) What is your favorite journey? Tokyo
8) What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Punctuality, but only when I'm the one that's late.
9)On what occasion do you lie? White lies, or to ease an uncomfortable moment.
10) What do you dislike most about your appearance? My left eye.
11) Which living person do you most despise? Drug traffickers. All of them. Those who do not respect human life.
12) Who is the greatest love of your life? My son and my husband.
13) When and where were you the happiest? July 17, 2004 in Chicago and February 13, 2007 in Tokyo
14) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Illness and being homeless and poor.
15) Where would you like to live? Wherever Jose wants to live.
16) What is your favorite occupation? Mother, teacher, wife.
17) What is the quality you most like in a man? Courage and ambition.
18) What is the quality you most like in a woman? Confidence and compassion.
19) Who are you favorite writers? All those that I read.
20) How would you like to die? In bed 60+ year from now.
Favorite Motto: "Sometimes we have to change who we are to become who we will be."
xoxo,
Betty
18 Again
I carefully selected my outfit on Saturday morning. I wanted to look good, but not like I was trying too hard. The day was cool, windy and cloudy. Not a great day to meet outside but it was the first date and we chose a public spot. Despite my nervousness, I didn’t want to bail because I was really looking forward to this day. I kept glancing at my phone. I was waiting for a text message. Thinking, “Is it too early to confirm?” I avoided Jose’s looks. I didn’t want him to notice my anxiety. I gave him a brush of a kiss goodbye and left the house quickly, avoiding further conversation. On the way there I thought, “Would we hit it off? I hope we have things in common. The day we met, we seemed to really get along. I hope she really likes me!”
Yes, friends, “I hope she really likes me”. I feel like I’m dating again! Diego and I were on our way to the first play date at the park and I was so nervous I forgot his snack and his hat! But please don’t feel sorry for me! I don’t want to seem desperate. It just takes a lot of work these days to make friends.
Most of you already know that we have moved around a bit and have come back to the States, but not our home town. Making new friends is never easy! It is even harder to make friends if you are an adult! Back in Tokyo, I was fortunate enough to be working while I was pregnant. Work=instant friends (not with all but some). For example, Jose made a good friend at work whose wife was pregnant and there you go…instant friends. We then attended a childbirth class and met the cutest couple. We shared so many things in common …instant friends. It’s not so easy anymore.
Women who are married to expats in foreign countries usually don’t work. They have put their careers on hold because it isn’t so easy to attain a working visa in a foreign country. So when you arrive, there are loads of women sitting at the park or taking the kids to Gymboree, just waiting to bombard you with questions about your child, your husband, and your country. You find things in common, if you like each other…instant friends. If not, don’t worry, there are plenty more at another park or another class!
Not so much here. I joked around to Jose and some of his single guy friends (we do have single and childless friends in New York) that I was going to write a book titled, “I Have 289 Friends on Facebook-Yet I’m So Lonely” they laughed. I almost cried.
So, it’s been about 3 months that we moved here and I know that it takes time. A lot of women work here, including my childhood friend, Ofelia, let’s just say I know a lot of the nannies in my neighborhood!
But Saturday went well! This girl I met is really sweet, Latina, a teacher and also from out of town. Her son is a few months younger than Diego and they played really well together… AND, she doesn’t work either! I’m hoping for…instant friendship but as Socrates once said, “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant”. It’s not easy making friends, they come with responsibility, commitment and a lot of effort. But one needs friends to survive, especially in a new place. Sometimes it’s effortless and you can spot another lonely soul at the grocery store struggling with her 2 year old, sometimes it’s not obvious but I just smile, hold my chin up and keep on enjoying what I do have…I call the friends I already have (with kids or without).
Xoxo,
Betty
Yes, friends, “I hope she really likes me”. I feel like I’m dating again! Diego and I were on our way to the first play date at the park and I was so nervous I forgot his snack and his hat! But please don’t feel sorry for me! I don’t want to seem desperate. It just takes a lot of work these days to make friends.
Most of you already know that we have moved around a bit and have come back to the States, but not our home town. Making new friends is never easy! It is even harder to make friends if you are an adult! Back in Tokyo, I was fortunate enough to be working while I was pregnant. Work=instant friends (not with all but some). For example, Jose made a good friend at work whose wife was pregnant and there you go…instant friends. We then attended a childbirth class and met the cutest couple. We shared so many things in common …instant friends. It’s not so easy anymore.
Women who are married to expats in foreign countries usually don’t work. They have put their careers on hold because it isn’t so easy to attain a working visa in a foreign country. So when you arrive, there are loads of women sitting at the park or taking the kids to Gymboree, just waiting to bombard you with questions about your child, your husband, and your country. You find things in common, if you like each other…instant friends. If not, don’t worry, there are plenty more at another park or another class!
Not so much here. I joked around to Jose and some of his single guy friends (we do have single and childless friends in New York) that I was going to write a book titled, “I Have 289 Friends on Facebook-Yet I’m So Lonely” they laughed. I almost cried.
So, it’s been about 3 months that we moved here and I know that it takes time. A lot of women work here, including my childhood friend, Ofelia, let’s just say I know a lot of the nannies in my neighborhood!
But Saturday went well! This girl I met is really sweet, Latina, a teacher and also from out of town. Her son is a few months younger than Diego and they played really well together… AND, she doesn’t work either! I’m hoping for…instant friendship but as Socrates once said, “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant”. It’s not easy making friends, they come with responsibility, commitment and a lot of effort. But one needs friends to survive, especially in a new place. Sometimes it’s effortless and you can spot another lonely soul at the grocery store struggling with her 2 year old, sometimes it’s not obvious but I just smile, hold my chin up and keep on enjoying what I do have…I call the friends I already have (with kids or without).
Xoxo,
Betty
I'm back!!
It has been a whirlwind to say the least. It will almost be four months since my last post and in that time we have moved from Singapore to New York City, have travelled to Chicago three times, spent two nights in Phoenix, attended 4 weddings, had a family emergency, potty trained Diego again and moved him to a toddler bed!!! Diego also started preschool, soccer and a Spanish class. I AM EXHAUSTED. More. Than. Ever. I realized the other day that we lived in three countries in one year, that Diego has thousands and thousands of miles with various airlines, when did I breathe? Yet, I am not complaining, just venting. I am just tired. I missed writing, I just picked up my camera again, I'm catching up on emails. I'm making lists again. Enjoying quiet reading time, American book stores, comfort food, AND AMERICAN TV!!! My God! The things I missed!!! Hahaha!!! (Love the new show "Modern Family"!!!)
I will be posting something on dating again (!) and book recommendations, along with a recent dream of mine to fill out a Proust Questionnaire. Please visit soon!!
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Like my new blog title?
I will be posting something on dating again (!) and book recommendations, along with a recent dream of mine to fill out a Proust Questionnaire. Please visit soon!!
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Like my new blog title?
Full Circle
I'm a true believer in hard work, good luck, ambition, faith and positive energy. Nothing is impossible. Happiness is always welcomed. Today, we leave Singapore and return to New York City. I made that first trip away from Chicago exactly 5 years ago, days after our wedding.
As I look out the window of our hotel room in Singapore, I can see our last apartment building...home for 6 months. I can see the gorgeous Marina Bay view and a stretch of Indonesia. I see the wonderful 5 years I have spent with my caring, devoted, intelligent husband, who loves us, works hard for us, laughs with us and inspires us. I can see the bright future ahead of us. Today is our anniversary and we are spending it with Diego and savouring a bottle of champagne (Diego only gets a bubbly bath!). We are celebrating life, love, health and good fortune and I'm not afraid to be happy.
See you in New York.
Lots of love,
Betty
