Remember to Forget

In reply to Maggie’s question: “Can you forgive but really forget?”

Some days my heart literally aches when I think of certain memories. I feel the emptiness in my chest, my heart being tugged in an enormous hole. Some days I can still feel the sadness even in an environment surrounded by true, genuine love and happiness. Sometimes it takes days for me to forget after the pain is resurfaced from the years having passed. And some days, it’s one, two or three different past and painful situations wrapped up together inside my head: remembering.

As we get older, man, it piles up! Different painful situations from different relationships start to add up. The pain that one suffered gets intensified as relationships develop or as relationships expand. Intensified in the sense that we learn to brace ourselves for emotional pain to come or heightened because after years of trying to forget, we don’t and now we’re just messed up! Perhaps after the forgiving, the forgetting doesn’t happen because it is impossible to have the reminders in our face literally every day in many different ways.

I’m not sure what Maggie was referring to. Perhaps her sister stole her favorite purse. Or perhaps her vet misdiagnosed her dog. It could be anything. But let’s talk about the most common “forgive and forget” scenario. Cheating. Two-timing. Infidelity. And let’s take Tiger Woods for lack of better example. Do we really expect hundreds, or thousand, maybe even millions of women to “forget” their husbands or boyfriends cheated when they are bombarded by the Tiger Woods scandal? His face is on every magazine at the check-out counters of the supermarkets! Everyone on the radio is talking about him and everyone on TV has an opinion, a justification, or a psychological answer to Tiger’s behavior. If something like this has happened to you, how in the world can you forget when it’s all we can talk about? I find it impossible to believe that old wounds are not opened for many, many women…err, people when our society partakes in a global discussion.

No, I don’t think you can forgive and forget. I believe you can forgive but not forget. Whether it was a stolen purse or a bad vet, every time you see a purse or a dog, you most probably think of the situation. So I believe, what needs to be done is a need to take care of you and how to handle that “not-forgetting” little situation we have on our hands. The forgiving is personal for everyone (and I won’t touch on that assuming that Maggie has forgiven, however her journey). The “not-forgetting” can bring out the “uglies”-horrible moods, anger, depression, and earfuls for the girlfriends who were oh-so-over it many years ago. This is not attractive behavior. So we must combat the root of a new problem after the original problem: us. I hear prayer works for a lot of people and a nice cocktail for even more (I kid, I kid)! Counseling and therapy is a great idea and in vogue as it is now widely accepted, if not, encouraged. For me, yoga does the trick. I feel so refreshed, spiritual and calm that those memories get tucked back at my lowest chakra until something like a la Tiger-humongous-jumbo reminder comes to bring it back out.

Jokes aside, if someone asks for forgiveness or didn’t but you decide it’s time to forgive in order to move on; forgetting is our own and another responsibility right? We need to realize and remember that forgetting is a life-long process. My heart will continue to be tugged and ringed by the past, but my mind must be at peace to accept the present.

Xoxo,
Betty

I Heart NY

Reasons why I heart NY:
1) Everyone wants to be here. Tourists, tourists everywhere!
2) Because the man on the subway platform singing and playing “Wild Horses” on his guitar can teach my son many things.
3) Because I can hear English, Spanish, and Japanese in one block.
4) Because I can walk everywhere and listen to the English, Spanish and Japanese…
5) Because there is inspiration everywhere.
6) The graffiti.
7) The architecture.
8) Book stores that are not the big Bs.
9) Coffee shops that are not the big S.
10) Celebrity sightings with no one taking pictures of them.
11) The best food from hot dogs to farmer markets to world renowned cuisine.
12) Recent history. Good and bad.
13) Because I can add to this list.
xoxo,
Betty

Exceptional Indulgences

Ah, the end of the year! People are running around buying gifts, decorating their homes, travelling and sending best wishes. Little children are on their best behavior, whispering sweet wishes to Santa and if you live in the city, doormen and supers of your building are extra, extra nice.
Me? I’m indulging. Sweets everywhere! A gift for grandma=a gift for me! Jose has a company party so I have an extra 3 hours to myself on the weekend! Eating out, ordering in, dinner parties- wine, wine and more wine! It doesn’t stop but I LOVE it. The only problem is that back in October, I decided to become a vegetarian (more on that later). Up until Thanksgiving, I did really well (except for the time I snuck in a single croqueta de pollo). I had planned on eating turkey with Jose and Diego and gave myself a pass. Not much of a vegetarian you say? Not really, I’m still eating seafood. So no chicken or red meat for 2 months except those 2 little things that crossed my way. I even made it to Chicago for four days without eating meat!!! I thought I was doing well but then Jose’s birthday rolled around and he really wanted to have steak (we didn’t) and now Christmas in Chicago is coming and I am already giving up before I even try to not give in and eat meat!
This time of year people talk a lot about forgiveness, peace, love and compassion but what about these things for us, personally? I’m not going to beat myself up during the holidays for eating meat. I love meat. I have a few reasons why I’m giving up meat. A couple of these reasons: animal cruelty and pollution. I have come to the conclusion in the last two and half months that I am not going to single handedly stop factory farms or clean the air, but I will try to be intelligent and well read when people ask me why I decided to become a vegetarian. I’m getting there. S L O W L Y. Not much of a vegetarian you say? It’s okay. “Tis the Season” to forgive me! So, I’m not beating myself up and I also don’t want to turn away that delicious carne de puerco en salsita verde or the gorditas de chorizo that my mother-in-law will be making. I’m indulging only in situations like this. I will continue to focus on my goals as a future vegetarian and be at peace…with myself.
Xoxo,
Betty
Update: I wrote this yesterday and today I had some time to continue reading “Eating Animals” by Jonathan Safran Foer. It was an awakening reminder and confirmation on my decision to become a vegetarian. I won’t be at peace with myself if I make exceptions or can justify every time I eat meat. Holidays or not, I’m going to really, really try. I’ll just have more wine and chocolate! :-) I'll keep you posted.

What Comes after Babies?

The list: 1)Crush. 2)First kiss. 3)Boyfriend/Girlfriend. 4)Engagement. 5)Wedding. 6)Babies... 7)uh....7) hmmm? Babies and then what?
There is so much to look forward to when one is going through the rights of passage. I am sure everyone can remember their first crush and of course their first kiss. Boyfriends come and go and it was so much fun to date (well not all the time...). Engagements and weddings are documented by photographers and videographers and those events also come and go so fast. When the babies start coming...showers and gifts and sleeping through the night and first steps...but then what? Sure there is so much to look forward to when it comes to your child but what about your partner? The one that stood outside your door clutching a bouquet of flowers before taking you out on a date. The one that stood at the altar and brought your first baby to your lips. What happens when you accomplish items 1-6 on your list and you are only in your mid- thirties? What happens when there is no number 7 and no roll around in the sack anymore? (or not as often, at least!) And no tickles here and no tickles there? We are having this discussion in our early 30s? Why are we so tired? Why are we wearing the ugliest pj's at night, sitting on separate couches and going to bed at different times than our husbands? We need to spice it up.

My girlfriends and I just had a discussion on how tired we are at the end of the night and how guilty we feel. We agreed that men never seem to be tired when it comes to sex. Really, if you enticed them every single night, do some say no??? Not our guys!! It was also interesting that a couple of girlfriends who are single mentioned that we need to buck up (haha) and start treating our men a little better. I'm not an expert, but perhaps the excitement of "preying" on men when you are single makes the daily grind (I'm cracking myself up) seem much more enticing? Let me compare sex to food. When you go to a buffet, you pick a little here and a little there and "oooohh, there's some fried chicken I haven't had in a while so I'm going to devour that with some mashed potatoes!" And then there are situations where you have to cook everyday and it's cold pizza for the 3rd day in a row. See single ladies, you just get to pick from the vast variety and if tomorrow you need a little corn to go with that chicken and mashed potatoes, you are going to eat. The rest of us married ladies...we need to add some crushed pepper on that pizza.

Now that the single ladies understand the difference in eating (really...) we need to talk to the married ladies with the kids on how to spice it up again. Again, I am not an expert but I have heard and they say that communication is key. We need to talk to our partners in order to get into bed with them. Make it exciting again. But what should we talk about? This is what Jose and I do: once a week (or every two weeks if the budget is tight) we go out alone. We don't ever go to a movie or a bowling alley, we go have dinner and sit right in front of each other and talk. I nag. He talks about work. I nag. We drink. He talks about sports. I tell him about a book I'm reading. We talk about Diego. We drink. We drink some more. We eat. We talk about the people in the restaurant. We laugh. We gossip. We laugh some more.We walk home. We get home and then...well you get the picture. But it can't just be twice a month right? No it can't.
This is where it really gets hard (I really can't help myself). Ladies: bring out the lingerie during the week. Men: bring home that bottle of wine. Ladies: Plan a special dinner for the two when the baby is off to bed. Men: Help out around the house for Christ's sake! Women are not superhuman with extraordinary powers. Help her help you! Ladies: Ask him about his day. Try not to mention that your mother called and cousin Juanito got arrested again. Ladies: MAKE TIME FOR YOU and go and get a massage, a pedicure, feel feminine. And don't tell me you can't afford it cause all you have to do is make your own coffee for a week. Men: put the toilet seat down, trim those nose hairs and get a facial. Yes, facials for men are okay! And Men: please don't ignore your wife the whole evening and then start kissing her when 11pm rolls around.

Sacrifices. Forcing ourselves to do things we don't normally do or want to do. We force ourselves to do things for our kids, our parents, our sibling and friends. Why not our partners? As I stated before, I'm no expert and I really need to follow my own advice. Ever since we moved back to the States I can't seem to get myself out of the funk. I'm tired. Exhausted actually and my mood is so foul that Jose has to check it by calling before walking in the door. Usually it's a negative. When things are good...oh they are sooo good. So why not give it a go a little more often? Give yourself something to look forward to like number 7: Yummy love.
What other advice would you give to those who need a little kick?
xoxo,
Betty

Latino-American Enough?

Last night Jose and I attended the pre-screening for CNN's Soledad O'Brien's "Latinos in America" here in New York City. Jose was invited by the Association of Latino Professionals in Finance and Accounting (ALPFA). The group hosted the event in one of the World Financial Buildings and Merrill Lynch offices. I was really excited to attend and noticed the screening room full of black, brown, and white Latinos. A rainbow of Latino people and I thought to myself, "this is what New York is all about". An array of different people, every single day in the streets of New York. It was also good to see how many professional Latinos are in the business of Finance.
The screening showed little tidbits of the documentary that will be aired this Wednesday and Thursday at 9pm (Eastern time) on CNN. We saw enough to ponder over, had our hearts tugged and even shed a few tears about the many stories and many experiences Latinos have endured in America. But not all stories are sad. There are stories of Latinos who have assimilated, Latinos who are 3 or 4 generation American and their views on Latino issues and even a story about a community that is 92% Mexican-American. Watching this group was like watching a community in the most suburban of all suburbs-All American.
At the end of the screening, we had an open discussion on a broad topic, "Did the documentary resonate with us sitting in the audience? What are the obstacles that have stood in our way as ________-American or immigrants? How do we assimilate? Should we have to? And so on.
People's answers varied from a Cuban-American who works for Mayor Bloomberg that discussed education being a priority for his "strong" family to a South American girl who arrived 8 years ago, now works for a reputable Wall Street firm but was told by her boss to keep her mouth shut during a meeting because of her accent. Have we come a long way? Whose job is it to point out to ignorant people like the boss that an accent is just an accent?
I could feel that Jose was feeling a bit frustrated. I was too! Frustrated because we were not all going to be able to speak about our personal experiences and if heard, what now? Frustrated because we couldn't solve all the problems being discussed. Frustrated because there still seems to be a divide even within the Latino community on what should be done. There was a point brought up by another South American stating that we are not united as Latinos. We don't have a community. We segregate ourselves into Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican communities and if we didn't see ourselves as one, no one else will. But others questioned if there was a need for us to be a community of Latinos? Couldn't we just be American?
Ah, my favorite question. To this day, 3 of my best friends and I remember a huge, passionate discussion we had in Las Vegas over dinner right before going out for my bachlorette party. We were sitting in a gorgeous restaurant, I was wearing a sparkling tiara and my friends were wearing pink boas, we were the center of attention at the restaurant but not because of the sash across my chest that screamed "PARTY!" but because we were having this debate over what it meant to be an American. Four best friends, 3 born and raised in Chicago, 1 born in Mexico but immigrated at the age of 8, butting heads because not all considered themselves American. Screaming, crying and full on outrage transcending from a stunning group of girls that should have been throwing back tequila shots and dancing on table tops. The topic is delicate. But should be discussed.
Jose and I didn't share with the group but discussed on the way home what we would have said. We are in agreement that education is the number one factor in helping Latino students, all students, succeed. A strong, supportive family that doesn't think teachers are idiots or complain that Juanito has 3 hours of homework tonight, is a close second, if not a tie with factor number one to allow a student to succeed. Exposure, not being afraid to leave your community and learn about the ways of others, be it White-Americans, Black culture, Asian, you name it, is also important. Allowing our kids to taste, feel, see and experience all cultures in America, a country found by immigrants. We have to pump out our children to the rest of the world. To show what it is to be a Mexican-American, it's not much different than being plainly American. These bridges are fundamentals that all children should have and adults support. Nothing is lost by allowing yourself to experience the unknown-that algebra problem your eighth-grader brings home, reading the novel your Freshman is reading in English class, or visiting your child in Spain while abroad during college. It starts small and then you don't even think about it, living in many worlds and keeping your feet planted firmly on your own Latino roots.
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Set your DVR's and watch CNN Wednesday and Thursday!!!

Proust Questionnaire

I love my Vanity Fair Magazine. I buy it every month and the first thing I do is flip to the back page, see what celebrity has been asked to fill out the Proust Questionnaire and I dig right in. Sometimes I'm annoyed at the vague answers, the one word answers or at the questions that were not included this month. Other times, I'm pleasantly surprised at the honesty of some answers or how elaborate the celebrity decides to be. As I read the one page article, my mind often wanders at the thought of how much time it must have taken this particular person to answer (no interview is done, the questions are often emailed to the celebrity now). Is it always really honest? Can we be honest with ourselves when we know thousands of people will be reading this? This is the problem with writing, especially if you are into sharing! How raw can it be without exposing your innermost secrets or without hurting someone you love?
Marcel Proust was a novelist that loved to play a Parisian parlor game with his elite crowd. One of his friends, Antoinette Faure, and daughter of the the 19th century French president, Felix Faure, decided to keep a journal where the friends answered questions that were meant to be personal and take the "psychic measure". Proust published his answers to the questionnaire taken at age 14 and 20 and the questionnaire became popular with the masses known as the "Proust Questionnaire". Vanity Fair has taken on the game since 1993 and just recently published a book with the answers of 101 celebrities, including, Larry King, Martin Scorsese, Quincy Jones, Johnny Cash, Yoko Ono, and Ellen DeGeneres, to name a few.
I remember a bit ago that I filled out, "25 Random Things About Me" on Facebook. A lot of my friends played the game and I became a little bit obsessed with the obsession of public questionnaires. What makes us want to share the idea of perfect happiness? What makes us want to know someone's current state of mind? The parlor game must have meant to be a real conversation starter when there was no "American Idol" to discuss the following day at work. What makes public questionnaires so appealing and successful?
I won't find the answer to this question but I am good at filling out questionnaires. And I always wanted to fill out this particular one...the Proust Questionnaire. Feel free to take a few of these questions, answer them on my comment space. I'd love to read your answers too!
1)What is your idea of perfect happiness? Silence and a good book. Children laughing. Red wine and chocolate and conversation with friends.
2) What is your greatest fear? To lose someone I love. Dying without finishing what I have to do!
3) Which living person do you most admire? My father and my husband. For proving that hard work and determination gets you to places.
4) What is the trait you most deplore in others? Rudeness. Ignorance.
5) What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Impatience and talking out of turn.
6) What is your greatest extravagance? Books and a once a week cleaner!
7) What is your favorite journey? Tokyo
8) What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Punctuality, but only when I'm the one that's late.
9)On what occasion do you lie? White lies, or to ease an uncomfortable moment.
10) What do you dislike most about your appearance? My left eye.
11) Which living person do you most despise? Drug traffickers. All of them. Those who do not respect human life.
12) Who is the greatest love of your life? My son and my husband.
13) When and where were you the happiest? July 17, 2004 in Chicago and February 13, 2007 in Tokyo
14) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Illness and being homeless and poor.
15) Where would you like to live? Wherever Jose wants to live.
16) What is your favorite occupation? Mother, teacher, wife.
17) What is the quality you most like in a man? Courage and ambition.
18) What is the quality you most like in a woman? Confidence and compassion.
19) Who are you favorite writers? All those that I read.
20) How would you like to die? In bed 60+ year from now.
Favorite Motto: "Sometimes we have to change who we are to become who we will be."
xoxo,
Betty

18 Again

I carefully selected my outfit on Saturday morning. I wanted to look good, but not like I was trying too hard. The day was cool, windy and cloudy. Not a great day to meet outside but it was the first date and we chose a public spot. Despite my nervousness, I didn’t want to bail because I was really looking forward to this day. I kept glancing at my phone. I was waiting for a text message. Thinking, “Is it too early to confirm?” I avoided Jose’s looks. I didn’t want him to notice my anxiety. I gave him a brush of a kiss goodbye and left the house quickly, avoiding further conversation. On the way there I thought, “Would we hit it off? I hope we have things in common. The day we met, we seemed to really get along. I hope she really likes me!”
Yes, friends, “I hope she really likes me”. I feel like I’m dating again! Diego and I were on our way to the first play date at the park and I was so nervous I forgot his snack and his hat! But please don’t feel sorry for me! I don’t want to seem desperate. It just takes a lot of work these days to make friends.
Most of you already know that we have moved around a bit and have come back to the States, but not our home town. Making new friends is never easy! It is even harder to make friends if you are an adult! Back in Tokyo, I was fortunate enough to be working while I was pregnant. Work=instant friends (not with all but some). For example, Jose made a good friend at work whose wife was pregnant and there you go…instant friends. We then attended a childbirth class and met the cutest couple. We shared so many things in common …instant friends. It’s not so easy anymore.
Women who are married to expats in foreign countries usually don’t work. They have put their careers on hold because it isn’t so easy to attain a working visa in a foreign country. So when you arrive, there are loads of women sitting at the park or taking the kids to Gymboree, just waiting to bombard you with questions about your child, your husband, and your country. You find things in common, if you like each other…instant friends. If not, don’t worry, there are plenty more at another park or another class!
Not so much here. I joked around to Jose and some of his single guy friends (we do have single and childless friends in New York) that I was going to write a book titled, “I Have 289 Friends on Facebook-Yet I’m So Lonely” they laughed. I almost cried.
So, it’s been about 3 months that we moved here and I know that it takes time. A lot of women work here, including my childhood friend, Ofelia, let’s just say I know a lot of the nannies in my neighborhood!
But Saturday went well! This girl I met is really sweet, Latina, a teacher and also from out of town. Her son is a few months younger than Diego and they played really well together… AND, she doesn’t work either! I’m hoping for…instant friendship but as Socrates once said, “Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant”. It’s not easy making friends, they come with responsibility, commitment and a lot of effort. But one needs friends to survive, especially in a new place. Sometimes it’s effortless and you can spot another lonely soul at the grocery store struggling with her 2 year old, sometimes it’s not obvious but I just smile, hold my chin up and keep on enjoying what I do have…I call the friends I already have (with kids or without).
Xoxo,
Betty

I'm back!!

It has been a whirlwind to say the least. It will almost be four months since my last post and in that time we have moved from Singapore to New York City, have travelled to Chicago three times, spent two nights in Phoenix, attended 4 weddings, had a family emergency, potty trained Diego again and moved him to a toddler bed!!! Diego also started preschool, soccer and a Spanish class. I AM EXHAUSTED. More. Than. Ever. I realized the other day that we lived in three countries in one year, that Diego has thousands and thousands of miles with various airlines, when did I breathe? Yet, I am not complaining, just venting. I am just tired. I missed writing, I just picked up my camera again, I'm catching up on emails. I'm making lists again. Enjoying quiet reading time, American book stores, comfort food, AND AMERICAN TV!!! My God! The things I missed!!! Hahaha!!! (Love the new show "Modern Family"!!!)
I will be posting something on dating again (!) and book recommendations, along with a recent dream of mine to fill out a Proust Questionnaire. Please visit soon!!
xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Like my new blog title?

Full Circle

I'm a true believer in hard work, good luck, ambition, faith and positive energy. Nothing is impossible. Happiness is always welcomed. Today, we leave Singapore and return to New York City. I made that first trip away from Chicago exactly 5 years ago, days after our wedding.

As I look out the window of our hotel room in Singapore, I can see our last apartment building...home for 6 months. I can see the gorgeous Marina Bay view and a stretch of Indonesia. I see the wonderful 5 years I have spent with my caring, devoted, intelligent husband, who loves us, works hard for us, laughs with us and inspires us. I can see the bright future ahead of us. Today is our anniversary and we are spending it with Diego and savouring a bottle of champagne (Diego only gets a bubbly bath!). We are celebrating life, love, health and good fortune and I'm not afraid to be happy.

See you in New York.

Lots of love,

Betty

Crunch Time

The first moving company came to do an evaluation on our things today. It's on! If the next company can also assure me that no pirates will seize my cargo...then it will be tough to pick the designated handlers. The time is really here and I'm getting very excited!

We had our Goodbye/4th of July theme party this weekend and it went really well. I had to stay sober because although Diego partied along with us, I knew he would be up at 7am the next morning! I was right! For our theme, Jose served American Glories, Cosmos, Budweiser and Casuelas and I made yummy guacamole, ceviche, salsas, quesadillas and a friend brought wings! It was very Tex-Mex at our American soiree! Most people wore red, white and/or blue and we listened to the best of American music.

Now I'm trying to sell small electronics that will not function in the States. I'm also emailing agents in NY as well as preschools. Not much time to write these days but feel its important for me to keep little notes of our events!

xoxo,

Betty

Addicted

When my friend Laila spent some time with us in New York, she introduced me to MySpace. This was about 4 years ago and I laughed at her and said that the site was for kids (I had no idea that its original purpose was to share music and introduce new bands via the web). My sister was on MySpace and she is twelve years younger than me! So I clearly said, "no thanks" and continued to bother my dear friend when she logged in every night. Laila had just moved to New York and she was staying with Jose and I while we prepared to leave for Tokyo. Laila was using MySpace to stay in touch with her friends and family in Chicago and it was her little treat every night before going to bed.

When we moved to Tokyo, I emailed Laila and said, "Sorry for the teasing. You win...I'm joining. How does this work?" I decided to join MySpace because it was expensive to call home and I was clearly missing everyone. I had a need to see what everyone was up to. On my side I could update everyone quickly by posting pictures, displaying a pregnancy countdown and giving everyone a daily update on our life abroad.

Today, I can not live without my laptop. I'm thinking of buying a smaller one so I can write on-the-go and because I'm addicted to and also can not live without Facebook, Perez Hilton.com for daily Hollywood (and sometimes non-Hollywood) gossip and this blog of course. Unfortunately, there isn't much time for everything so I have given up on MySpace, rarely update Diego's Baby Jellybean website and no longer use Kodak Gallery (unless I want to order a gift for the the grandparents). Things change quickly huh? This has been my relationship with these sites in the past three and a half years and I haven't been that faithful to any! What will outlive everything else? Is Facebook on its way out too? What else will capture our interest besides Twitter? I can not live without my Facebook and it shows.

This week I was a Facebook junkie. I knew that 3 of my dearest friends/family members were celebrating 3 bridal showers and only 1 had pictures up! I was so disappointed! Living abroad and having these sites means there is no excuse for slow updates! I need to connect faster and sometimes forget that everyone else back home is in no hurry since they attended the parties! Nevertheless, I check every time I get a chance to see if my friend's friends have posted something!! Sad! (But thanks to Lis for always being super organized and adding to my daily dose)!

But, soon enough I won't be missing any of the parties. Only 2 more weeks and my addiction will come to an end. I should start withdrawing soon. Goodbye Perez, I will have the E! channel and Access Hollywood again! Hello iPhone!! Can not wait to give updates from anywhere and everywhere! And goodbye blog about me in Asia! I will be blogging about going back home and about living in New York City! I will make sure to attend all the best parties and quickly posting for my friends here in Asia and around the world! I promise to always keep in touch with the speediest, most advanced technology offered as I will always know what it really means to be away from "home".

xoxo,

Betty

The End of an Era

I'm sure people have written, read, watched, and listened to a lot of Michael Jackson this weekend. Some people have even said that maybe we are paying too much attention. Rumors have been flying, I don't know fact from fiction anymore; the news are unstoppable. Words like, "twitter" and "cassette tapes" are being used in the same sentences-just to show the impact and longevity Michael Jackson has had on the world.
Here in Asia, the Philippine dancing inmates are once again a YouTube sensation. I read that in Japan, Michael Jackson had the most avid and passionate supporters. The Japanese will be in mourning for some time. Here in Singapore, many blogs have been dedicated to the pop icon and every shop and taxi are tuned in to stations dedicating commentary to Michael. In China, he is still gracing the front covers of major newspapers.
As the days unfold, more questions, some disturbing updates and endless hours of MJ music videos will continue to make headlines.
Hopefully we can remember to celebrate his life, his music and his contributions and not take everything else we hear to heart.
Rest in Peace Michael.
xoxo,
Betty

An Unexpected Journey

I know many Chicagoans who have never been up the Sears Tower. I know many New Yorkers who have never been to a Broadway performance. I also know many Tokyoites who have not been to Meiji Shrine. I guess when we live in a city we take for granted all the wonderful sights, landmarks and buildings that make our home-home. There is no need to do the tourist thing in your city because you will always be there and maybe you'll take out-of-town guests when the moment calls. Well now that I'm leaving...I woke up today feeling a bit crazed. The feeling of not having seen enough of Asia, let alone Singapore, in the past 6 months was making me anxious and sad. I have been thinking of what I can see and what I can do before we leave. Should I take my camera down to Little India or Arab Street? Should I work on the shots of Hawker Centers I have been meaning to take? I woke up to rain this morning so I pulled out the Singapore Resident's Guide and stopped at the museum pages. I went down the list and picked the Singapore Art Museum (SAM). Yay!
My goal is to do as much of Singapore or Asia in the weeks to come. Oh! How I would love to take a flight to Seoul, Beijing or Hanoi. But Jose is super busy and unless a girlfriend proposes we take the kids and go, I've got to reminisce on these writings, take a lot more photos or find other outlets. This is how today my experience at SAM gave me an outlook, emotions and inspiration I wasn't expecting from a museum built in an old school just a few blocks from our house.
St. Joseph Institution was a school for boys and was founded in 1855, has also served as a Red Cross Hospital, a unit of the Civil Defense Force, and is also considered a Singapore national monument and is now home to SAM.
When I stepped inside the beautiful white, colonial building I thought, "I have no knowledge of Asian Art" and immediately noticed an exhibition titled "TransportAsian" that included photography and light installations. My next thought? "Photography! Yes, I can learn a lot from photography!"
I was admiring an exhibition when I hear the ding of the Tokyo metro overhead announcement. I did a double take when I heard, "mamonaku..." What the...? Where am I? Behind a black curtain was a video installation titled "Pasajeros" YES in Spanish! Pasajeros is the work of Xavi Comas, a Spaniard who did this piece of work on the Tokyo subway. I went in, sat on the bench of the dark room and I was quickly transported back to Hibiya line in Japan. The black and white images are a journey. A journey captured by the artist and a flashback for me. I saw images of school children in their perfect Japanese uniforms, salarymen slouching over their briefcases and wrinkling their suits. I saw young Japanese girls in their notorious cute outfits and high heels. I saw the faces of tired, older men slumbering for a few minutes. I saw the faces of mothers struggling with the baby strollers on the crowded train. All images of people in the tight space. Faces and mannerisms that I saw many, many times in Tokyo. How many times did I wonder about their lives and how different and the same way we live our life? How many times did I wonder about their comings and goings as I sat and tried not to look like a total "gaijin" (foreigner)?
The journey was theirs. The everyday in and out of the routine in the transportation system that supports the life of these travellers and the people Comas caught in his "one meeting, one time", ichigo ichie as a 16th century tea master once said.
Xavi Comas summarized his work by explaining that for him, each meeting has to be savoured, remembered, and appreciated because it only comes one time. What better way to express this philosophy by using his lens. I sat there and watched the exhibit two times. A knot formed in my throat when I read ichigo ichie. Tears started to flow uncontrollably. Sitting all alone in this historic museum, I felt nostalgic and my heart ached as I came to terms with my departure from Asia. I was living my one moment. I have been living my one meeting , my one time. And I was realizing that it was quickly coming to an end.
Nevertheless, I felt inspired. I was grateful and fulfilled (but not too much in order to leave room for more). I decided not to take for granted any place and its moments and its people. I decided that the end of my travels through Asia were not done. I still have a lot of questions about the people of Bangkok, the ruins in Cambodia and the hustle and bustle of Shanghai. We will return one day and I will cherish every minute of it.
xoxo,
Betty

Feeling the Love

It's wedding season!! Lately, our mailbox has been stuffed with gorgeous bridal shower and lavish wedding invitations. On line I have searched for the perfect vase on Crate and Barrel, linens at Macy's and wine openers on Bed, Bath and Beyond. The measurements have been sent for my bridesmaid dress and I need to practice for a Spanish mass lectura. Oh, how I love weddings! Brides walking down the aisle with fathers and mothers having dances with grooms...tear.

Jose and I will be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary next month and this summer we kick off our wedding season with 6 couples who will be joining us in the oldest tradition known to mankind. Five out of the six weddings are Mexican weddings (with one half being Argentine) and you know what that means; mariachi, banda, bailes del dolar and lots and lots of Tequila! We will also be travelling to New Jersey in late August to attend an Indian wedding!! I hope to learn a few things about the traditional customs because right now I am picturing Bollywood dancing, sequins and lots of gold!!! (We all know that cannot be it). Nevertheless, weddings are all about uniting family and friends, eating, drinking, dancing and lots and lots of love.

Here are some pictures of a Japanese wedding we attended last fall and a wedding in Indonesia we attended 3 years ago.

Japanese wedding starting at Meiji Shrine. Most weddings still take place in Shinto shrines where brides wear the traditional white kimono and a head piece that hides the "horns of jealousy" from her mother-in-law.

Japanese women like to wear the western-style white gown or can wear a red kimono to the reception. I have some friends who have worn all 3 gowns!



A guest at the reception in her gorgeous Kimono.

Even pets are invited to weddings and must dress appropriately as well!

Before entering the reception, a table is set up to check guests off a list. This is where we presented our "goshugi" or money gift in a beautiful, purple cloth envelope to the designated attendants. Another table was set up at the end of the reception where the bride presented a gift of "sake" glasses, a serving platter, delicious bread, soaps and chocolates to every guest as a thank you. As you can see, I was very excited to receive the goody bag.

Our friends Fela and Reza arriving at the altar. Reza's family is Muslim but they had a traditional Balinese wedding with a Hindu ceremony. The guests make a narrow space and create and aisle. Everyone was to wear the traditional dress-hand sown "batik" sarongs.

During the ceremony the officiant offered the couple rice and fruit from their pyramid of food. The rice and fruit represent wealth and prosperity.

All of us after the ceremony. Jose has never looked better! :-)

Ofelia and Reza watching the sun set over the Indian Ocean.

Whatever the culture, customs and locations, it is truly an honor to be invited to a wedding and especially to participate. As my friends start to join us in the marriage club I wish them nothing but health, happiness and lots and lots of love.

xoxo,

Betty

Going Home

It is time to dust the sand off my feet. It is time to let go of the “beach resort” attire and start dressing a bit more hip- get-with-the-trends-but- put-in-your-own- personal twist. Maybe I’ll finally get a pair of Manolos and wear them with my favorite Gap jeans and Hiroshima leather messenger bag. Perhaps I’ll buy a few more sunglasses because in New York City more people wear them than the locals here in sunny and hot year-round Singapore. It’s time to pack up again for a more permanent home this time.
That’s right people. We are MOVING back to New York City this summer.I can end the blog post right here because I really don’t know what to say.
Ha! You know that is not happening!
Everyone expects me to be happy and I really am. I’m relieved that the time is now and not some far off date that I cannot foresee. We have been living in Asia for 3 years and have answered a hundred times “I’m not really sure” to the question, “How long will you be in Japan/Singapore/Asia?” I feel like I can finally plan and live our life in a non-temporary fashion and dig out my beloved books and photographs that currently sit in some massive storage facility in Queens. I can stop planning 13 to 22 hour flights for weddings, summers and Christmas in Chicago.
I can now have a real hot dog, go to a Yankee game (and Cubs games!!! I can hear all of Chicago gasping) watch television on real time (watch television period) and be close to all my family and old, life-long friends. Our first runs will be to Danny’s Pizza in Queens, Blondie’s on the Upper West Side for real buffalo wings, Laila in Staten Island and Fela and Reza in Brooklyn. Diego will run in a real park-Central Park and visit museums with his new friends. I can take long strolls with my hubbie in SoHo and take our Chicago guests to see the Statue of Liberty. I will be able to understand the language again. I will be able to feel like I belong again (that’s another story-more on that later). But it is also time to reassess and figure out what I will do after the unpacking is done and the transition is over.
I am also sad and I think some friends and family don’t expect this emotion. It’s a feeling I really can’t explain to Jose, you or even myself. Someone recently told Jose that living abroad makes us a bit invisible. We always get to see outward and no one other than the bubble we have created with the people on the same boat can share the view with us. We are pardoned for not blending in with the locals and for always speaking too loud and for not understanding Japanese or Mandarin. We are forgiven for not slurping the noodles fast enough or not ordering the shark-fin soup. We don’t become involved with local politics or read the gossip on the tabloids (we have no idea who the people are)!
Amongst the “expat” world in Asia, many feel not to be living in reality as full-time-live-in-maids are hired, everything imaginable delivered to doorsteps, special events and shops designed for the foreign consumer and travelling the region is a hobby for many!! Living in this bubble keeps you wondering about your loved ones back home (and trying to keep up with them all), makes you less or more patriotic, makes you see the ugly and the pretty of your home country. Makes you see what the rest of the world is thinking and saying. Makes you miss Honey Nut Cheerios, Twinkies and Chex Mix. Makes you realize who your friends are and makes you find your old stomping grounds again.
To say that Asia has given me moments, memories and experiences is an understatement. Asia has given me my son, new passions, new life-long friends, courage, adventure, patience and compassion. It has allowed Jose and I to endure our early years of marriage alone, to be our best friends and confidants, to see Mt. Fuji, the Borneo Elephant, The Sydney Opera House, and feel the energy in Hong Kong, the sun in Thailand and love in Indonesia… together.
I know more, unknown experiences in America are to come. It is a country people plan to visit and dream to live in. We are so, so lucky to go home.
Now, what will I do with my blog?? Stay tuned as I reflect some more in the weeks to come!
Xoxo,
Betty

A Little Visit

Dear Ms. Rachel,
We hope you had a wonderful flight. Below is the itinerary for your stay at Hotel Galvan-Singapore. Your complete comfort and relaxation is our utmost priority. We cannot express enough how delighted we are that you have chosen our hotel for your holiday in paradise.
Your holiday starts off with a trip to Spa Botanica in Sentosa Beach via Taxi. You have a lovely Balinese Massage scheduled for Sunday, June 14th at 11:15am for the duration of 60 minutes. Your gorgeous friend Betty will be accompanying you and will receive a Swedish massage for the duration of 60 minutes (in the adjacent room per your request). A trip on the famous Cable Cars to view the skyline of Singapore is also scheduled after a grand lunch in Vivo City.
On Tuesday, June 16th at 10:00 am you will be headed to Great World City and visit the lovely Jantzen Salon to meet Singaporean Jenny who is an experienced "gaijin" hair technician. She will consult you before starting your color and cut and make sure that you entertain yourself with the weekly "glossies" while she primps and pampers you.
You have a delicious dinner scheduled on Saturday night at Amici Italian Restaurant in Holland Village. Due to unforeseen and last minute birthday celebration for our dear friend, Roisin, we needed to postpone the famous Chili Crab night at the Palm Beach restaurant for Tuesday night. We hope this change in schedule does not inconvenience you dear guest. You will have a splendid time with our fabulous Irish, English, and Australian friends (plus you will have rocking hair for the chili crabs on Tuesday night).
Please do not hesitate to request changes to the itinerary. We are more than pleased to honor all that your heart pleases. Time has been allotted for plenty of sun, swims and shopping!
We hope you enjoy your stay.
Sincerely,
Betty Velasco-Galvan
President and CFO of Hotel Galvan-Singapore
P.s Your usual Sunshine Whole Grain Raisin Bread and Philadelphia Cream Cheese have been ordered.
Our chef is also working very hard to obtain the Original Chex Mix (always in high demand here in Singapore along with the Honey Nut Cheerios).

Let's Play, "Find the Mistakes"

Still on the photography high...sigh. Wish I could keep going with my current class and teacher but I can't at the moment (bigger tasks await). I really want to learn more about Black and White Photography and take some lessons on photographing interiors. At the moment I can't get the result that I want as I shoot our apartment here in Singapore. We get A LOT of light in the living area and I just can't seem to set up the camera manually. These are shots from pre-course days with just the auto mode and the kick of regular flash. Ugh.

Wish me luck on the days to come! I will attempt and re-attempt to get this right.

xoxo,

Betty

Painting with Lights

Last night was my last night of a five week photography course with Karen Lucas from Baobab Photography in Singapore. I enjoyed the lessons, exercises and saying to my love ones that I had "homework" to do. It has been a long time since I have taken a course of any kind or stepped into an organized lesson...for just me. I have to say that although the experience was challenging and left me on most nights with tired eyes and tension headaches, it was also fulfilling and cool. Here are some shots from last night. We went out to the busy Novena neighborhood and drew lots of attention with our crew of 8 plus tripods! We chatted and I noticed my peers and I taking shots in the most laid-back, confident manner; just like school kids on a field trip ready to start summer vacation. I will put some of the "best" (but could be better) shots from the course soon.

Where the Journey Began...

It's been 3 crazy, amazing, unimaginable years in Asia. Our incredible journey began on Valentine's Day of 2006 when Jose got the call and invitation to head out and work for Lehman Asia. We said yes and burst out laughing. We have been known to make quick,abrupt decisions about everything in our lives-but it works for us.
The first 6 weeks were really tough for me. I was lonely, scared and literally lost in translation. I bucked up, started Japanese lessons, got a job and made incredible, life-long friends. I also got pregnant and hung out in the gaijin ghetto with all the other foreigners and English speaking Japanese!
I miss Japan from sunny Singapore. I miss the weather, the Sakura, Shinjuku Gyoen, and our friends. I bet Jose misses Ramen and Sapporo! Here are a few of my favorite pictures.

Tokyo Disney: These girls wanted to take a picture with me!!! I was so flattered! They were young and so "kawaiiiiiii"! This picture will always remind me of the "uniformed" but "cute" Japanese girls. Everything has to match and it has to be fun!

Takeshita street in Harajuku. I took every guest in town to Harajuku Dori. Went there so much that we started to blend in....ha!


Diego on his way to his first Japanese festival.

My Peruvian friend Karina and I at our first Azabu-Juban Festival.

35 weeks pregnant and in Japan!!! My awemose doctor is married to a Colombian woman! He spoke English and Spanish!!!

xoxo,

Betty

No Labels

Tomatillo enchiladas con frijoles are my favorite food-hands down. I speak Spanish to Diego and dream of taking him to Cuernavaca, Morelos to visit his great-grandfather. One day we will visit Cerritos, San Luis Potosi to meet Jose’s cousins, tias y tios. We dance to Banda Machos and Sonora Santanera and rock to Mana and Paulina Rubio. I identify as a Mexican girl wherever I go. But sometimes, I get a little reminder that I am more than just that. This is a conversation I participated in last Thursday in photography class with 5 people during our coffee brake:

“The international schools in Singapore are so expensive.”

“They really haven’t suffered the economic crisis.”

“Schools in Tokyo are much more expensive. But really, they are all fantastic and so worth it.”

“People will pay for anything. Expats feel they deserve the best.”

“Why shouldn’t they? They work hard and are away from home. It’s difficult to send your kids to local schools when you don’t know the system.”

“It sends the wrong message, having the best when you are away from your country. Americans are the worst. They want the best of everything.”

Um, excuse me?! Did I just hear that? Stereotyping? Generalizing? My blood boiled. The claws were out! Americans are the worst?? People laughed nervously. Some people even said, “Oooh. Ouch. You can’t go there.” I took out my big round hoops from my ears and put on my 5 gold rings on my fingers. I was going to whoop some ass!!!

No. The girl from Little Village (24th and Drake to be exact and then throw in a little Cicero and well… I could have whooped some ass). But I didn’t. Instead, calmly and maturely I explained to this nice European woman that some people, like me, like my husband, grew up in a very unsafe area in the States, went through the worst public school system in America and now that we have choices for our son, we are going to give him what we think is best-when we can.

The woman replied that playgrounds are designed to prevent accidents and not allowing kids to make mistakes, that we don’t let kids run out on the street, that Americans have brought fear by suing everyone and everything. It was clear that we were having two different conversations and that we were going off on a tangent (this happens when you get a heated and passionate debate). I ended by saying that this American was dodging bullets and gangs growing up, was looking for teachers that could relate and inspire and role models to look up to. Not all Americans are the same. We have different hopes and dreams for our kids. We all have a different experience.

Whatever one is looking for doesn’t matter to me. What bugged me was that she singled me out in a class full of British, Singaporean, South African and Asian people. I clearly have an American accent. I never deny that I was born and raised in Chicago by Mexican parents so I was just floored and insulted that she would make a comment, today in age about a country, a people, a race in a class room full of educated adults. The teacher nervously but abruptlly stopped the conversation and we went on to learn about ISO and white balance.

I love that I can take a photography course in Asia. I love hot dogs and apple pie. I want to take Diego down Route 66 and show him the best of America. I want to go back to New York City one day and live side by side with the Koreans, Jews, Italian, Blacks and Puerto Ricans. We bounce to hip hop and house music, play baseball and identify as Americans wherever we go.

We must take opportunities and participate in discussions that can teach us different little things. The woman never said “goodbye” cuando me despedi. So I clearly know she doesn’t want to be my friend. And that’s okay. I like to think that we can learn from situations like this. As much as I am Mexican, I am American. And even if don’t identify as American as quickly as I do to my Mexicanismo, I am forever grateful and the first to defend my American ways.

A Little Feedback Please

When I wrote about the cookies a few posts ago, I remember writing a line about my obsession with new ideas. I take hobbies, activities and even career changes to an obsession. I surround my life with everything that has to do with my current state of mind. Currently, 3 new and beautiful pink covered books lie neatly stacked on my end table with recipes for gorgeous cakes, crusty pies and chocolaty brownies. Cylinder cans lie spilling out a green meadow of tennis balls over my white marble floor thanks to Diego's determination to have them race each other. With my writing I am enveloped with extraordinary writing guides recommended by artistic friends and I'm re-reading novels by my favorite authors. Every line I read stands out a little bit more clearly. Sentences seem to speak to me. I feel like I can identify with every novel I read. Magazines are littered in every room and I don't leave my house without reading material in by bag in case I have to wait for the chiropractor or in case Diego falls asleep in his stroller. But with all my obsessions, friends have always been supportive. A cheerleading squad with "You Can Do It!" signs flashing my way. Friends never said, "I know you can do better." Until now.
Not one of my friends said much when I decided to stop teaching and decide to work in the spa industry in New York City. After my disastrous attempt at trying to open up a spa, I started answering phones at a spa. My friends never said, "You shouldn't be a receptionist at a spa! Get back to teaching!" And even if they did think it, they never said it. Perhaps they knew I would keep growing and they hoped that I hook them up with a 90 minute Odyssey Ayurvedic massage and throw in a Darshana Balancing facial! With the writing it has been different. Friends have started to really tell me what they think. Jose uses the same line after reading a post, "You need more details”. I’m working on it honey! A girlfriend recommended that I visit another blog that her friend writes for some ideas and wrote me an awesome email with feedback and ideas. Another girlfriend blatantly told me that I could do better. She even said, "You are holding back. When you can write about everything, the real stuff, the raw stuff, then you have become a writer."
I never said that I wanted to be a writer because (here it goes) because I'm scared. I don't even really know what I would like to write about. Certainly not a novel. A few months ago I had an urge to write and decided to write about my experiences in Asia because many people suggested I should! But here's what I noticed: I didn't mind the advice and the suggestions. I checked my ego at the door! And if that doesn't count for something than I don't know what does! For the first time, I'm not "Little Miss Know it All". I'm helplessly vulnerable-putting myself out there-not worried (ok maybe just a little bit) about what people are going to think. Okay, I worry a lot about what people are going to think. But, I'm comfortable and ready to let everyone guide me.
Friends guide you when they know you are truly struggling. Friends guide you when they know what you truly want to achieve. They know when you are challenged and feel defeated. Great friends really know you, period. When you go through phases in life it's just "living". When you are passionate about something it is life. My friends know I’m ready to live my life. So I’ll take the suggestions (even the ones that sting a little). Because of you dear friends I will become a better something-even if it is not a writer.
Xoxo,
Betty
P.s. Thank you to my cheerleader friends who read every post and hold up “You Can Do It” signs. I love you too.

Señora Juez

My eyes were tearing as I stayed up to watch President Obama nominate Ms. Sotomayor for a position in the Supreme Court. I love, love moments like this. I loved that she lovingly thank her amazing, hard working mother and that President Obama gave an amazing speech that revolved around Ms. Sotomayor's Puerto Rican parents of 2 who worked hard to give her children the very best-love, time and books. Such an inexpensive and precious gift to give to our children has been the secret to many successful stories. I am so proud to be a Latina today. So proud of having witnessed history that could be the story of any of my Latina girlfriends. I wish Ms. Sotomayor the very best and hope that all young Latinas see this incredible woman as a role model.

Momoko the Peach

Our good friends Mike and Momo came to visit this weekend from Japan. It was a great treat for the end of my stressful and painful week. They walked in after a few days in Australia while my friend Kylie was packing up her bag of goodies after my treatment. Friends from Japan really know how to cheer you up!! From their suitcases came yummy and spicy wasabi flavored peanuts and little moon shaped crackers that go SO well with a Sapporo beer! Jose will be really excited to dig into those. Momo also brought Japanese green tea and from Australia, a stuffed boxing Kangaroo for Diego and Macadamia and Mango biscuits (ahem...cookies). We had a quick tea and they headed off for an exciting 4 days in Singapore. I couldn't move so they promised we could at least eat together.
We made a really nice pasta dinner on Wednesday. My friend Tiz gave me this simple but awesome bright cherry tomato, fresh mozzarella and basil pasta recipe. We had the penne with a red-grape, manchego cheese, pistachio and dried cranberry salad. Everything was so fresh and so crisp! We paired it all up with some nice Chilean wine and my neighbor's chocolate cake topped the dinner off for dessert.

On Friday, I was still not doing great and my refrigerator was not stocked for guests so I opened the freezer, took the grill out and just marinated skirt steak with lime and adobo, sauteed prawns with garlic, salt and pepper, chopped up the spicy Spanish chorizo, grilled peppers as well and fed everyone tomato sopita that I made for Diego. Luckily he chose the stars and not the ABC pasta. Everything was simple. The grill is great for quick dinners and nothing is bad with olive oil, garlic, salt and pepper. We can taste the real flavors of all our yummy ingredients.

Before their late flight back to Japan on Saturday, I finally left the house! We went to Clarke Quay, enjoyed a nice and slow walk by the river and ate at one of my favorite restaurants in Singapore...Iguana's. Mexican! You guessed it! A bit Tex-Mex but I'll take it!! Momo had layered chipotle enchiladas, Mike the crispy but not greasy chimichanga and Diego and I had chicken fajitas. Nothing like Lalo's in Chicago but we can't be too picky...this is Asia after all!!

Now I'm just cooking basics for Diego and eating sandwiches!! I must call the Mexican grocer and stock up before Jose arrives on Saturday!

xoxo,

Betty

P.s Momo helped me with my homework. She was such a gorgeous and patient model!

To quote the famous...

...Deepak Chopra
"Women are needed. The feminine can save us. We need wise, nurturing, affectionate, tender, motherly, intuitive, creative energy to save us. We need the feminine now".

To quote the famous...

...Charles Darwin “The wisest will not survive, the strongest will not survive but those who adapt will survive.”

Papeles

When I was younger and working on my career I knew that if one day I wanted to stay at home with my kids it would be my choice. After all, I became independent at a very young age with a father that encouraged me to fend for myself but demanded that I study and have a career. He and my mother wanted me to be strong, educated and prepared.
When I married Jose 5 years ago, we didn't discuss what we would do when we decided to have kids. I followed him to New York though and thought, that they option of having my mother help us with kids would be out of the question...our families live in Chicago. We didn't think about it and had a blast as a single and young couple in NYC. When the opportunity for him to take a position in Tokyo came about, I thought it would be exciting, adventurous and a great opportunity for him. Jose told me that I didn't have to work if I didn't want to, there was no pressure for me to contribute monetarily into our relationship because I was supporting him in a completely different level. I am not the type to sit around and not seize opportunity so the same weekend we arrived, I posted my resume on the "Gaijin Pot" and had an interview for a teaching position at an international preschool that following week. Two weeks after I accepted the position as co-teacher for Bumblebees (18month-24 month class) and head teacher for the Crickets (a 3 year old afternoon class) I found out that I was pregnant.
The news came as a surprise because we both agreed in New York (about 6 months before we moved to Tokyo) that we were ready to become parents and if were to be so lucky to get pregnant-great! But with the stress of moving to Japan, we forgot all about it and were surprised it happened so quickly.
I taught up to the 6 weeks before I gave birth to gorgeous, little Diego and couldn't even consider going back to work. We were living in Japan without family and we both agreed it would be best for me to stay home. I remember telling my Japanese friend, Mari that I was really scared. I was always super busy, handling up to 3 jobs at a time simply because I had many interests and with my teaching salary, I enjoyed making extra money to travel and support myself. I was scared that I would be bored but after sharing those precious but long first days with Diego on my own, I thought, "Is this it for me? I'm just supposed to live in Asia, away from my family and friends, and follow my husband around and raise children? What about everything I worked for?" It's been a little over 2 years now and I discuss this issue with my girlfriends a lot (they are probably so sick of it!) but I came to the conclusion that this is what it is for now and that I am happy and soon I will get back out there and try to change the world one student at a time. But little reminders and different opinions are always refreshing.
Today I watched a really great Larry King (CNN, I tell ya) that reminded me that we (women) are worth what we personally value ourselves. If we don't believe in ourselves, no one will. It was a great discussion on self-worth that caught my attention and I quickly hit the record button on my DVR to watch during quiet time. I was really impressed by Lisa Nichols, a motivational speaker and author of "No Matter What" who reiterated the idea that we are always looking for validation. Women often think that it is not enough to be "just" a mother or "just" a wife. We need to accept it, work on those relationships as hard as you worked for your spot in the corporate office, or teaching classroom or as the head pastry chef in the hot kitchen. Once we have accepted and shoot for success in our roles as mothers and wives, we need to realize that those roles don't complete us and must find other outlets that compliment us. My girlfriends and I, Latinas, White, Black and Asian, are so incredibly lucky to have the options that some of our mothers didn't have. The simple fact that we can continue to educate ourselves while we are at home with our kids, or work from home and simply have the right to decide for ourselves what we wish to do during transitions in our life is fantastic.
I felt so refreshed after watching this Larry King episode because as I have written previously, Jose is in London and when he is gone, I fall into the dumps a little bit but look for and find the "signs" that snap me back and remind me how truly lucky but strong I have become. Thanks Larry!
xoxo,
Betty

Girlfriend, I got your back! (I couldn't help myself)

Earlier this week (or late last week?), I wrote about hurting my back and then I disappeared!. Last weekend I was still out there taking Diego to the Singapore Botanical Gardens, going on long walks to see Merlion the lion and snapping pictures. I had excruciating pain that made me stop on my tracks whenever I moved my left leg forward and pain on my hips that had me convinced I would need a hip replacement before 35!! People, I'm not 15 anymore. Wowsers. Did I hurt my back!! I had a mommy-friend reveal to me that she was a physio-therapist in her past life (before having her 2 kids) and ordered me on bed rest for at least 3 days. After laying around for 2 days and watching Diego go from room to room ready to draw on walls and taking every toy out of the toy box just to watch me bend over and pick it all up, I realized two things: 1) I really needed the rest and 2) people I have known in Singapore for only 3-4 months can truly be called friends.

Kylie, my new physio-therapist, not only offered to talk to me about my injury but she left her 2 children at home with a sitter, brought over her little bag full of tape, pressure-point needles and lavender-scent massage cream to help ease my pain...twice this week. She checked on me every day by phone and has found a chiropractor for me to start seeing next week.

Roisin and Rachel each have a child of their own, tracked across town for me, brought their swimmers and took Diego for a swim one afternoon. They also demanded I pack a bag and spend the night at Roisin's so she can feed me breakfast, lunch and dinner and watch Diego with Rachel's help.

I have known these wonderful women for a good 4 months. We all arrived from Tokyo and Australia to the same serviced apartment around Christmas time last year. The time that was very crazy in our husband's world. We were all grateful to immediately find each other and found that our kids all played well together and everyone seemed sweet enough to start a weekly playgroup and the occasional Sunday brunch with our husbands.

The sad thing is that it is taking us a long time to really get to know each other. When Kylie came over with her knowledge of sport injuries and went on about joints, discs and the muscles around them, I was so embarrassed that I didn't know that this is what she did before she became a mom. We get so caugth up in our new, present life with kids that we forget what we were before! She massaged me, tested several nerves and my flexibility and we chatted all while Diego slept and really started to get to know each other. I vowed that I will try to get to know everyone a little better and didn't ask if she thought 2 hours was too long of a nap for Diego or what she thought of the latest class at Gymboree.

Even as acquaintances, 3 very busy women who worry about preparing the next meal, washing their toddlers hands obsessively, throwing laundry in the washer before hitting the park for the day, have a huge desire to lend a hand to a fellow mom who has family across the world and a husband on a business trip. They don't care if I know how many sugars they like in their coffee or what brand of jeans they are wearing. They don't care if I forgot to mention what I did on my last trip because I already posted it all on Facebook. We all understand that when we see each other, we are there to help each other get through the daily grind and cry if we need to, complain and bitch about husbands working late or mention how sleep deprived we all have been.

I do want to know more about these women. I want to know what their favorite books are and how many siblings they have. And not just because they came to my rescue but because we are all new to Singapore and we are sharing the same experience, away from our childhood friends and our own mothers. We need each other to survive and keep our sanity. So we will start organizing girl's night out and leave the energetic toddlers with daddies so we can talk all evening about us for a change and get to know what really makes us-us.

Forever 2

My big love is away for 3 weeks. Jose was called to go to London while we were enjoying our last day in Phucket. Man, have I been feeling sorry for myself since last Monday. Really, the whole power of the mind is incredible. I was so down, upset, and ruined our last day in Thailand by bickering with Jose and simply being bitchy. I am now suffering from an intense lower back pain and I'm all alone with Diego. Far, far away from any trusty family help. Oh how I miss my mami's calditos right about now. Boo hoo. Karma ya'll. Jose wasn't thrilled to go and I made his last days in Singapore hellish.

Interestingly enough, I have discovered something so amazing, something so fulfilling that makes me want to laugh out loud every 30 minutes or so! Diego is really, really funny!!! He's the best pain killer on the market! I thought for sure my life would be horrible with a 2 year old running around in my desperate hour of need. He has been such a good boy that I realized that the terrible two's have been put on hold for a bit (until Daddy get's back...I'm sure).

We went for a nice walk this morning and I brought my camera along because I have homework. So Diego had to be my model since there is no one else around and he was such a good little boy. I would tell him, "Okay Diego! Run across for Mommy" and he run across and then come to look at my screen to review the shots I had taken.

We then walked to Starbucks to cool off and reward my little model with a banana nut muffin and a nice chocolate chip frap for me (oh, my back!) He sat in his chair and said to me, "escucha"-Beyonce was playing and Diego started to dance in his seat. We danced and didn't care who was looking.

Also this week, for no apparent reason, he just stops what he is doing (usually in the middle of lining up all his hot wheels), looks up and says, "besos Mama". Gets up, comes over with wide arms and kisses me. He then proceeds to walk over and continue his task. I'm just amazed. His love is so great, unconditional, pure and I'm loving it. It's like he knows I'm missing Jose, knows that I'm in pain and knows that I feel lonely.

He's the best little partner anyone can ask for.

xoxo,

Betty

P.s. Man, this is the best shot I got and it's not even great. After taking 130 shots today, 1 works for the 9 required on Thursday. Yikes.

Feeling Cheesy

It has been a long time since I stepped into a classroom. I'm used to being in front of the class, prepared with the daily lesson plans, hoping that I can hold the interest of my students for at least 50 minutes and wanting nothing more than them leaving the class a little inspired.
Yesterday I sat in a 3 1/2 hour photography course and felt so excited to be there. I could have been taking Math 101 and still be excited! I love school. The feeling of walking in to an unknown class room, fresh, blank pages of a notebook, and the new faces make me so happy. I am such a nerd!!
I have to admit that I was a little nervous taking this course. I don't want people to think that I'm a wanna be anything. Not learning anything was also making me a bit nervous. We have to admit that some things are not for everybody. I decided to take the class because Jose and I bought a really nice camera hoping that we could take pictures like our good friend Panos. But people, it doesn't work that way. You just can't buy a camera and wait for good results. Like everything, you have to work at it. The camera is your tool, your instrument. You have to learn how to use it. But the Nikon had a gazillion buttons, an extensive menu and a couple of dials to turn. We were so lost. So I Googled "photography lessons in Singapore" or something and had dozens of choices! I did my research, found a great photographer who had a detailed website, her prices were reasonable and she was a woman (no offense to the men out there).
We started with basics and I won't bore you with those details but after shooting and discussing...guess what? I left the class feeling a different kind of inspiration and it had little to do with photography. I left with an introduction to 7 different human stories. I was inspired by the woman from India, who is in Singapore visiting her sister for 3 months and decided to do something different while on vacation. I was inspired by the retired Singaporean gentleman (and my partner for the day) who has never left Singapore and rather than retiring in front of the television screen, he decided to "take up a hobby". I met another mom. A quiet, South African mother of 3 boys and I couldn't wait to start talking to her.
We had a fantastic time. We modeled for each other, helped each other with the cameras and talked. Everyone (including big, nosey Betty) wants to know, "What brings you to Asia?" You then start to chat it up and voila! New acquaintances! If nothing else, these next 5 weeks will be pleasurable even as I struggle to get those damn macro shots.
xoxo,
Betty

To quote the famous...

“When you travel, you experience, in a very practical way, the act of rebirth. You confront completely new situations, the day passes more slowly, and on most journeys you don’t even understand the language the people speak. So you are like a child just out of the womb. You begin to attach much more importance to the things around you because your survival depends on them. You begin to be more accessible to others because they may be able to help you in difficult situations. And you accept any small favor from the gods with great delight, as if it were an episode you would remember for the rest of your life. At the same time, since all things are new, you see only the beauty in them, and you feel happy to be alive…” The Pilgrimage-Paulo Coelho

People of Phucket

Packed the Lonely Planet? Check. Sunscreen? Check. Beach toys? Check!! We try not to be complete tourists but I always manage to have every single minute planned while on vacation. Planned so accurately, down to timing my tanning sessions (30 minutes? Time to flip!). But one does need to put everything away, get away from the sandy, white, beach resort, go down to the town and when you snap a few pictures, don't forget to look up from your lense and take it all in.


The famous Patong Beach Road. Full of tourists, locals, street vendors, bars and loud music.

This happy vendor was watching the Manchester United match that was on a bar's big screen.

Bananas?

These carriers seemed very heavy!

This man was walking super slow. He was carrying eggs after all!

Hablas Español?

Just got back from Phucket! Thailand was amazing!!! It was a short trip and we hope to go back soon because the country seems to offer soooooo much!!
As always, we hear the beautiful Spanish language in its unique accents and even little Diego's ears perk up. We met a really nice Argentino and his girlfriend on the beach. They have been dating long distance because she lives in Bangkok and he lives in Shanghai. They asked us a lot of questions about living in Asia and wondered if it was difficult to live abroad (more like without family!) and have a child? I always think its cute and wonderful when couples contemplate having babies in front of us. They look at Diego with such wonder and admiration and bombard us with questions that we welcome and love to answer. The best is when they look at each other and smile as if asking, "Can we do this? Even if we are abroad??" In my experience, it has made me stronger, happier and grounded. It has also made me more adventurous, a little rebellious and smarter (learning tons of new Spanish words for Diego and did you know that a beaver is "castor" in Spanish?) We said goodbye and good luck to our new friends. With everything new in Asia, one holds on to the hope that the moment just experienced, will linger in your memory and heart for a long time.
That same day, we left the safe cocoon of our hidden hotel and drove 30 minutes to the happening Padong Beach where the nightlife is colorful and CRAZY!!! I didn't think I would be chatting it up with trannies (gorgeous and stylish Thai trannies) and street hustlers dropping iguanas on Diego's lap for a picture and a buck. Just as we were thinking, "Should we have come down here with Diego?" we hear Spanish again and the 3 of us stop devouring our hot and spicy green curry and turn to meet a Spaniard who introduced his wife and 2 gorgeous sons. They were vacationing from Shanghai and thought it was perfectly normal to follow the crowd at night with their 2 year old and 3 month old. This time, Jose and I were the ones in awe wondering how in the world a couple can travel from Shanghai with 2 little boys and just hang out in Padong Beach?? It was our turn to contemplate having another child and asking them a hundred questions about how they manage, do they have help and how often does family visit...??
It's so much fun to get out there and meet new people. And just to set the record straight, we don't stalk every Spanish speaking person!!! You can see it in people's eyes that they too are happy to hear their language in a far away place like the middle of Asia. For us, it always makes us feel a little closer to home. Helping each other in the smallest way goes so far. Just to be able to have a conversation about what you are passionate about is so worth interrupting someone's relaxing time on the beach or private dinner to ask, "hablas español?".
Betty